Mar. 19th, 2012 11:52 pm
acahellyeah: (master of ceremonies)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ Andy sets the camera up carefully on a table, stepping back so that he's in view and also an easel with a big board that says IMPORT ARTS COMMITTEE!! on it in red marker. Beneath it are words like Museums! Broadway! Opera! He looks a little nervous and clears his throat. ]

Hello, City, this is Andrew Baines Bernard, speaking to you on behalf of... you. You and what you do. Arts-- [ He points to the board and almost knocks it over. ] can be practically anything; painting, writing, singing, acting, you name it. "But Andy," you might ask, "why do I even care?" Well -- because, with committee support we can have resources to break into anything we want to and leave our mark here in the City. Like this.

[ He uncaps a marker and draws a line across his forehead, thick and probably indelible. After he does it he rubs at it a little. ]

Not sure why I just did that on my face... Um. Anyway, can you imagine our very own museum? Our very own actors on Broadway? With financial backing, you can too. [ Makes a marker mark on the board, this time. He clears his throat again. ]

So, if anyone is interested in being part of this amazing... exciting, innovative civil effort, you should absolutely... [ He tugs at his tie and glances at his hand where something is presumably written. ] ...think long and hard about getting yourself involved so that we can get started, because even though this committee only barely exists right now I know it's a really good idea and I'm going to work my hardest to make sure it kicks complete butt. Because a kick in the butt is exactly what this City deserves.

[ He pauses, then steps off-screen, exhaling. ]

Think I nailed it.


Mar. 2nd, 2012 04:52 pm
acahellyeah: (double jeopardy)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ The video turns on, glimpsing a grayish suit jacket and a purple tie before the communicator swings to show the street and begins to sway a little; whoever is holding it is dancing a little as they walk. And singing?? Wow, who could this be. ]

Ohhh but I won't hes--i--tate no more, no more, it can--no--ooot wait, I'm sure--

There's no need to compl-i-cate, 'cause our time is short, thi--i--is is our fate, I'm youuuurs…

[ He whistles a bit, then swings the communicator around and waves at the screen. IT'S ANDY! He's sporting two black eyes, but looks pretty cheerful. Very cheerful… ]

Hey-o, City! It's a really great day, isn't it guys? Good ol' fakey-fake New York, you don't realize how much you miss it until you actually come back and remember it all. Interesting how that works, isn't it, guys? Wonder how they do that. Not important, though. How is everyone? Still in one piece, right, guys?

[ Winks. ]

You guys are going to have to catch me up on. Everything. Not right now, because -- well -- maybe right now, you can talk to me while I walk. I just really need to get some pants on. Knees are starting to turn blue. I was hoping it'd at least be Spring when I came back.

[ He grins and turns the video off. ]


Jan. 16th, 2012 11:35 pm
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ Andy's hair is a little disheveled, for once. Subtly, of course; the part is just a bit awkward. He's dressed in bright reds and pinks, presumably in preparation for February. ]

So you know, it totally slipped my mind that it's almost February and that means it's almost time for annual celebration of love and romantic comedies, which also means I need to get cracking on my Romantic Songs mix tape of the year. Time really flies, doesn't it? I've been here for over a year but it feels about twice as long.

[ Smiles... uncomfortably... ]

Like last year, I totally recommend that anyone who doesn't know what to get their Significant Other for Cupid o'Clock invest in a singing telegram, sung and delivered by yours truly. It's a bargain, you won't regret it. [ Falters. ] Oh, one more F.Y.I. to anyone who knew Erin Hannon, I think she's not of this City anymore, if you catch my drift. I've been trying her for a week and no dice. So you know, adjust your knowledge accordingly.
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ The video shakes but the picture in view appears to be an apartment, a bit blurry from movement. Andy's voice comes from offscreen as he sets the communicator up so it stands on its own. I'm Sexy and I know It plays in the background, not super audible but recognizable if you're listening for it. ]

—ey, hey, Katurian! Oh my God, okay, hold on a second. All right, I didn't tell you about this earlier because there never really seemed to be a good time, I really wanted to but you had your stuff and Harley was gone and I didn't even know where my head was for the longest time, wow, I mean I still don't, where is it? Man, where's my head, Katurian? Whoaaa! But--

[ Andy appears in front of the camera now. ]

Like, there's really no casual way to whip this into conversation, but -- I keep saying "but" because it's kind of like a clue, because it involves something to do with someone's butt -- uh, mine, I really don't have any authority to talk about yours and you don't need me to tell you -- okay, I'm getting sidetracked. I got you something.

[ He holds up a dark blue sweater -- this blue sweater -- with kitties on it. He looks absolutely delighted. ]

I know it isn't Christmas yet but I'm too excited. I saw this sweater and it was just like, a stroke of genius. Like, a metal spring just snapped free of the mattress of my brain. See, we'll match. Kitty-Katurian-- [ Points to the sweater. He puts it down and then unbuckles his pants. ] and the Nard Dog.

[ He only pulls one side down enough so that his tattoo is visible. Check out that puppy. Check out that ass tattoo. Because he pulls his pants up again!! And looks excitedly to the camera. ]

Great, right?!


Oct. 14th, 2011 12:02 pm
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
Oh... God. Really? You've got to be kid-- hah. [ Andy forces a laugh, but his voice is slightly tense. ] Wow, this place has the best timing, you know that? Wow. I mean it's great. Sincerely, it's great to be back, I was just caught completely unprepared. It's been like, months back home, I'll never really get used to the way time works around here, it's totally nuts.

[ His tone picks up a little, but it's obviously lacking the same enthusiastic energy it usually has. ]

Could be worse, though. I'm psyched it's been only a couple of days. What'd be worse than missing Halloween, right? And -- and, obviously, I'm not the kind of guy who really feels comfortable leaving without some kind of note or something, so disappearing from this place too long would not only worry my friends, it'd make me feel like a real jerk when I got back. And -- [ Pauses. ] I've got to... okay, anyway, I'm done. That is way too many words for "I'm back" when it'd have been way more efficient to just say that -- however impersonal -- except sometimes, you know, I just yammer on and on, like, right now I'm still talking, I'm not sure why I can't stopped talking. Uh.

[ There's an awkward moment of silence and then he disconnects. ]
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ The camera points to the ceiling as off-screen, a scream is heard. ]

cut for disturbing imagery )
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ The communicator gets propped up and there's Andy, dressed in surprisingly non-offensive attire, stepping away from the screen so that more of him is in view. For once he looks slightly nervous, but he squares his shoulders confidently and clears his throat. ]

Okay. Um. Harley. I have been... before today I have been harboring a lot of complicated and not entirely noble intentions of the, of the amorous nature. And before I make my move I think it's fair you know a few things about me so that you don't find out later by accident and then get angry at me. Or that might just, be good to know. For future reference. [ Takes a breath. ] I've had two serious girlfriends in the last four years and was... to my extreme regret, engaged to one of them. I've done anger management, I've only recently become completely financially independent, my name wasn't always Andrew Bernard, I don't like cats, and I have a tattoo that I keep meaning to get laser-removed but I haven't gotten around to yet because I have an irrational fear of the lasers giving me skin cancer.

[ ... Exhales. ] All right, that's everything I can think of. So, let me just cut to the chase.

cut for length. and there's a song under here. )
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ Andy's in his new apartment, and it looks like he's cleaning because his sleeves are rolled up and there has been a half-assed attempt at organizing the living room into a decent place to sleep. Half-assed in that he's made the bed and moved a coffee table and TV closer by. He's also got a sandwich in one hand. ]

Okay, I need some advice. And I need a baker, or maybe a candlestick-maker -- got the butcher part covered. [ Waves sandwich. ] I want to get a present for my friend Pam. She's new here and I want her to feel welcome because she's great, but still totally freaked about everything and, I was six years old when she got here so I couldn't exactly welcome-wagon properly. I was thinking, either surprise her with a cake -- maybe like, face cake? Or a candle. Handmade scented candle. Either or. And I'm thinking, well, I could get both, but is that going to be too much? It's just three of us here, cakewise. Candles are always welcomed, but also a little plain. Two gifts seems kind of excessive, she's not my best friend.

[ He puts his hands on his sides, frowning as he ponders. ]

Hm. So: good bakeries around here? Or -- [ Holds up his other hand, indicating "or, candles?" though he doesn't say anything, getting caught in his indecision. Oh yes, he is definitely putting all his effort into distracting himself from Katurian's disappearance. Shh. ]
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ The sound is a bit muffled, his voice distant: clearly not talking into the communicator yet. ]

-- Gotta be kidding me! Are you KIDDING me?! What happened? Crap! Couldn't you have-- God, the commission'll probably be amazing, dammit--

[ Static as he fumbles with the communicator and turns it on video. He smiles and waves. ]

Hey guys! Wow, how long was I gone? Months, for me. Did you ever miss something and not actually remember you missed it until you saw it again? Because I missed the heck out of some of you. I can't believe that happened to me, I didn't expect to ever go back home or --

Er. Talking too much. Pulling it back. Sudden climate and/or location changes go straight to my head.
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ The video turns on, and it's clear the communicator is set on a flat surface -- it's a piano, which Andy's sitting at. He's wearing a green tie, as if it's still St. Patrick's day and grinning. ]

Top of the evening! [ Definitely said in an Irish accent. ] All right, so, day after St. Patrick's Day -- biggest hangover day of the year, probably, right? Like, the day where the last place anyone wants to be is near a bar. Right? Well, no. Completely and totally wrong.

You're probably asking yourselves, wait, what is the ol' Nard Dog talking about this time? He sounds totally crazy. But, uh, there's no real need to go that far. What the Nard Dog is talking about are the sweet, soothing melodies of the piano down over at [ I haven't picked a name yet :( ], guaranteed to smooth over any nasty case of the booze dysplasia. How do I know? Actually, I work there now, so it'd be yours truly at the keys. Awesome right? I'd offer drinks on me, but uh, I guess if you have a hangover that's a no-go. Offer's wide open anyway though.

[ Plays the very beginning of this on the keys, because he would have this damn song stuck in his head. Once he realizes this he quickly changes it into this song and after a moment, gets a bit into singing along. Ohh whoa ohhh wha -- ahh -- ahh -- ahhh -- ayyy do you build me-e-e-e up, buttercup baby--

Off-screen his boss yells at him to cut that out and help them open, and he hastily reaches for the communicator. ]

Uh -- so, later tonight. I really hope to see some of you guys there, it's my first performance. [ Sheepish smile, and turns the camera off. ]


Feb. 9th, 2011 03:27 pm
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
Hola, all you single and not-single señors and señoritas who are celebrating Valentine's Day... far and away the most romantic day of the year, discounting maybe like, weddings and anniversaries and any combinations thereof. And only a mere five days away.

[ Clears his throat. ] Not my point. Here's my point: in the spirit of love and Cupid's arrows -- zing! -- and since I didn't have any dinner plans or anything, I have taken the time to put together a mixtape, which is actually just a zipfile (mixtape just sounds better) of the fourteen most romantic songs ever. Or fourteen of the most romantic songs ever, man, it was really hard to narrow it down. But this is a top-grade list, trust me. Each song is rated personally by me at five stars, guaranteed to be super romantic. You won't be sorry, putting them on for you and yours. Great, right? Yeah, you're welcome. Enjoy. I know how I'll be spending my Valentine's Day.

Under the cut. )


Jan. 29th, 2011 03:57 pm
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ In his best announcer voice, though he's off-screen at the moment: ]

Coming at you liiiiiiiveeeee from not-New York City, I'm Andrew Bernard, bringing you viewers straight into the heart of action. Today we've got for you a real battle of mind and um... voice... Cloud 9 VS. the Nard Dog! Hold onto your hats and get ready tooooo rap!

[ He sets up the communicator on a table and moves in front of the camera now. He's in a red short-sleeve shirt, and Abby next to him is wearing sunglasses. ]

Cut for length! RAP BATTLE edition. )


Jan. 21st, 2011 02:56 pm
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ The communicator is propped up for presentation, and Andy's standing in front of it wearing a red sweater. He clears his throat, and then goes into (instrument-less) song to the tune of The Candy Man: ]

Who can take a telegra—am?
Jazz it up real gooood,
Sing it mighty nice
and deliver it for youuuu—

The Andy man — the Andy man can!
The Andy man can 'cause he mixes it with soul and keeps his prices low—~

[ He stops, grinning enthusiastically! ]

Like that? S'just a little jingle I concocted for my new business -- singing telegrams from "Bernard the Bard". And also: cards. Figured until I find a steady job, why not share my wares, right? Could really use the bread, I'm going to be honest -- but like the ad says, reasonable prices all the way. And that's not even counting discounts for friends. Text me at [ NUMBER ] and I'll deliver a song and a card to the lucky lad... or... lady.

[ Beams, so hopeful! Then: ]

Oh yeah, anyone got plans for Valentine's Day yet?
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
[ He sounds kind of excited! Though not necessarily like he's addressing an audience, at first. ]

Sweet, so: what I said on Saturday? I was totally right, and here is why. Monday morning -- a brand new week, and there was a note on my window that said, "Today--"... wait a minute.

[ He pauses to inspect his communicator. It is totally not his tape recorder. ]

... This is not my -- jeez, really? I always keep it next to my b-- Uh, hm, oops. Sorry 'bout thaaat, thought I was talking to myself. Anyway--

[ Now it's video, and Andy holds this card to the screen. ]

Where'd this come from?


Jan. 12th, 2011 05:08 pm
acahellyeah: (Default)
[personal profile] acahellyeah
(Sorry in advance for the hideous, guys. There are context posts on his journal; he's been here since Tuesday!)

[ The video clicks on after a few fumbles, and there's a quiet: ]

All right good, it's recording. Hit it!

[ There's no one on screen except for a large bowl of water surrounded by several glasses filled to varying degrees. Some of the glasses now start harmonizing and there is off-screen snapping right next to the microphone. Then the bowl starts in with the beginning of a potentially familiar tune. ]Cut for size. )


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