crabulous: (screaming)
[personal profile] crabulous
[The camera turns on! It's Zoidberg's warehouse! He is sitting on his secondhand sofa alongside Aziraphale, who is sipping on a lovely cup of tea. Zoidberg has a dour expression on his tentacle-y face. Aziraphale is looking equally concerned.]

Friends and associates! Gather 'round and listen well! It is I, Zoidberg, with a dire warning for us all! I've been using my rowbutt-woman-given powers to investigate some suspicious individuals on the Network and I've successfully identified nineteen Skrulls in our midst! I am prepared to name names! Are you prepared to take action against these impostors?!

[He stands up, pulling a list of names from his lab coat pocket, then he clears his throat.]

Spider-Woman! You are a Skrull! As are you, Hikaru Sulu! Dick Grayson, Nepeta Leijon, and Cassie Holmes, Skrulls all! Goku! Harry Potter! Rachel! Ziggy Stardust! Nymphadora Tonks! Loki! Rapunzel! Lust! All devious shapeshifting aliens! Doctor Doom and Bullseye, too!

[He suddenly looks very somber.]

And two of my dearest companions have been deceiving us all this time! Parker Robbins and Calvin! Oh! How could you break my heart like this?!

[Zoidberg stifles a sob.]

And let it also be known that the one known as Bee-Pug is also a Skrull.

[Aziraphale has looked mildly concerned throughout all of this, and a moment after Zoidberg is done speaking, he appears thoughtful as he momentarily inventories the accused.]

Oh, I'm afraid that is only eighteen...

[A sinister look flashes across Zoidberg's face.]

Oh? Was it, Aziraphale? Was it?!

[He scuttles toward Aziraphale, lunging toward him with his claws in attack-postion-alpha! And suddenly: Aziraphale's arm has been cut clean off! The teacup he was holding flies through the air and there is some horrified hissing and screaming before Zoidberg turns back to the communicator and shuts it off.]

((ooc: Black is Zoidberg, blue is Aziraphale.))
[identity profile]
[ The communicator is out of focus at first, presenting a blurry picture of the upper part of Aziraphale's face-- all forehead and blonde hair and a blue eye. ]

Is this on?

[ He seems to realize that he is holding it far too close to his face. He adjusts the camera so that it is now a proper distance from his face, which now come clearly into focus.
He gives a bit of a huff.

It is hardly polite to just pull a man away from his own world without asking.

[ There is no anger in this sentiment; just the mild, resigned sort of annoyance of one who has spent a long time dealing with his own lot in life being subject to the whims of others. ]

Oh, I do not even have a change of clothing, let alone my books. Would anyone be so gracious as to direct me to some good book stores? If I am to be stuck here for some time, I intend to prepare myself for the stay.

[ He appears to be about to hang up, but he seems to think of something at the last moment and reconsiders. ]

I understand that you have been having trouble with great sea beasts lately? What a peculiar sense of timing.

1 + voice

Oct. 10th, 2009 03:02 pm
[identity profile]
[There is the faint sound of the holder of the comm pressing buttons and dithering ("Oh, oh dear, what did that do? Bugger-") before he realizes the recording is already going. He clears his throat.]

Ah. Hullo, City. My name is Aziraphale, and the last time I was here, it was July, so depending on, er, how long you may have been here, I might have met you before. If so, I hope you're well. If we've never met, I hope you're doing quite swimmingly, too. Er.

[Pause. derp.]

I don't suppose my - er, Crowley's, as it were - well, I imagine I'll have to find a new flat to stay in. No matter; I'll have a look around once I've grown accustomed to being back.

Speaking of growing accustomed - is there a crisis on? I do remember this City's unfortunate penchant for, er, disasters of various sizes. All is well, I hope? Comparatively?


Jun. 7th, 2009 01:33 pm
[identity profile]
Ah. I had forgotten where I'd put this thing. I must have made the mistake of getting distracted by one thing or another.

I see I've, er, missed some rather notable events.


May. 25th, 2009 12:54 pm
[identity profile]
Oh dear, I seem to have broken the dishwasher again. You know, every time I do this, poor dear Crowley tries to teach me how to use it, but I always seem to forget. Oh, bother. I'll just have to get him to tell me again, but whenever he does, I'm always so distracted because I have to be thinking about important Heavenly Business all the time. Otherwise, who would save the world from certain destruction? It isn't as though we live in a town of superheroes, you know.

Where has Crowley gone? Maybe he's gone out to get more tea like I've been subtly hinting all week. We're out, you know. I suppose that I should have expected as much after having the entire City over for tea, but I do so enjoy company.

I think one of Crowley's plants is wilting. Oh dear. What does one do for tortured plants?

005 | voice

May. 7th, 2009 03:24 pm
[identity profile]
Hm. Blood and frogs. I remember those. Very poignant, at the time.

[A significant pause. There might be an almost-audible clink of a spoon stirring tea.]

At least they weren't quite so petty then, though. On the one hand, yes, still the same basic concept, I imagine: plagues o'er the land to prove a sort of point, if you will, to a single man. On the other, well. At least in Egypt it wasn't entirely the result of a self-important need to show off.

Times have certainly changed, I must say.

[ooc; lol Aziraphale does not approve of this plague business.]


Apr. 16th, 2009 04:12 pm
[identity profile]
I do believe this city is under far too much stress. To make an effort to at least slightly change that sad fact, I am cordially extending an invite for tea to anyone who might want it.

Thought it might be nice. Calming, and such.

Oh. Does anyone know how to fix a dishwasher?

003; voice

Mar. 21st, 2009 02:02 pm
[identity profile]
You know, it's all very well and good that a great deal of people here stepped up to defend the City and its residents from the, ah, invaders. Really. It's a very noble thing to do, protecting the innocent.

[Here, a sigh.]

But a large number of people still killed others. I'm not going to call it murder, nor am I going to demand everyone pack their things and make their ways to the nearest prison, because I know full well that will only bring protesting from those who have already expressed their views.

And really, the last thing the City needs is more tension.

Regardless of how or why, killing is inexcusable. Taking the life of another being is still killing them, no matter what the circumstances. You may put any label on the action you'd like, whether it be murder or self-defense, but killing is killing. Once you've killed, that's it. There are no take-backs in killing, and there certainly are no excuses.

All of this hostility spreading is not going to do anyone any good, you know. If anything, it's going to make relations between those of us brought here difficult. With the best interests of the future of this City in mind, I would really just like to humbly request that everyone take a moment to calm down. Causing a schism between those who believe their actions in the past week are excusable and those who don't is pointless. In addition, dividing the City into those who approve and those who don't will accomplish what, exactly? That we all possess the ability to make more enemies? Already, the civilians are wary of us. Angering each other will not only alienate those with differing viewpoints, but also the civilians. If the civilians don't want our protection, where will we be? Sitting about uselessly, bickering. And if you - er, that is, "you" the collective term, whether or not you choose to include yourself in it is your personal choice and not mine - if you had simply had the sense to have a little foresight, I'm sure this would have been avoidable. At least, it would have ended on a smaller scale than it apparently has. Would it really have been hard to think of methods to eliminate the threat without so much killing? Perhaps a few more ounces of patience would have helped.

I don't understand the point of going from one crisis to another. The belligerents have been eradicated, and immediately we turn to creating an internal crisis. The City must be especially fond of self-importance and wrath.

I'm not going to tell anyone to go off to prison, but that doesn't mean I agree with the City's collectively violent response to what happened. I will, however, tell you this:

This isn't a war. Do try to stop making excuses for yourselves.
[identity profile]
I do suppose I should consider, er, getting a job. To pay for things like lunch and the rent, and whatnot.


I don't have much of a formal résumé, I'm afraid, but - I used to own a bookshop? And I suppose there's also that other little tidbit of information that someone allowed the entire City to know - but, er, that's irrelevant. Thwarting Infernal Wiles is ongoing, regardless.

[Pause. He coughs a bit awkwardly.]

Is anyone actually hiring?


Feb. 18th, 2009 08:46 pm
[identity profile]
Having come to the conclusion that this is not London, I'd like to know where it is that I am, if anyone happens to know? America, perhaps?

Wherever this happens to be, am I right to assume that the- er, the charming man in the metal contraption is not going to let me go back to England? I'd rather not make a nuisance of myself asking how to leave if it's entirely impossible. I've probably asked too many questions, already. My apologies.

Oh, I do suppose I ought to introduce myself. My name is Azir Ezra Fell. Er, just Ezra would be fine.

There is no possible way my superiors have deemed it a suitable solution to that problem with the boy to send me here. Not with that metal-man in charge, certainly. Unless Crowley was right about Heaven having no taste, but I would be loath to agree.

Has anyone seen a man in sunglasses, with a penchant for fine suits and dangerous expensive cars?

[ooc; I have like 10 minutes before my show lol /posts anyway
also the strikes they are deleted]


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