[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[ voice ]

We are mostly still alive, yes? Good. That is the way I prefer it. Now, I have more pressing concerns best addressed without demons ruining everyone's fun.

[The crinkle of a magazine being browsed comes through the communicator.]

Why would a cat require such fetching leather boots? Are they perhaps the secret to how he is so dashing?
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[ video ]

[It's dim in the room the communicator feed opens on, and there's music in the background. Is that "Bad Romance"? Yes. Yes, it is. After a moment, the music shuts off, the lights come on, and Zevran's face comes into view.]

I have learned many things since coming to the City; shall we focus on one? Yes, I think we shall. It will be a pleasant and harmless one, for I fear we have all had too much bitterness and violence of late.

[He chuckles oh-so-pleasantly.]

If there is such a thing as too much violence. Ah, but I stray from the topic. My friend Tank Girl has taught me an important lesson: if you wish to hear engaging discussion, you must throw to the network at large an invasive and personal question, asked boldly and without restraint.

Tell me, City, what music do you enjoy while making love?
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[ video ]

So, my dear City. I have a question for all of you.

[He has the communicator set up to take video from a nearby table, leaving his hands free. Said hands are busy offscreen, only the faint noise of steel against stone giving away his current pursuit of sharpening knives.]

How do you fight?

[The sound of the whetstone stops for a moment as he pauses.]

We've just seen a man die on camera, as you say, so I suspect it may not be a bad time to ask...

[He sets down a knife long enough to gesture.]

Come now, do not spare me the details.


Jul. 6th, 2011 09:42 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
private to Mara Jade )

[ video ]

[Zevran is lounging in his MAC apartment, absently studying a small glossy card--the green card all imPorts can find upon their arrival. But he makes no mention of it just yet.]

So that is what a Fourth of July is like. In this, I find myself in agreement with the people of the realm: explosions are fun. It seems almost wasteful to use them for just that, but I've gathered there are fewer hordes of monsters that need to be dispatched here.

I have gathered another thing, also.

[He holds up the card.]

One's "birthday" is of peculiar importance here. This shiny little thing tells me that mine is in fifteen days. Who am I to question it? Certainly I know nothing of when it truly is.

[There's a pause while he sets the green card down, and then he's looking back at the communicator, wistfully.]

I'm...uncertain of how to celebrate. Perhaps making more friends is in order, so there may be a proper party. There are newcomers, I hear. Of course I am meant to be suspicious of them, if I listen to some on the Network, but I think I would rather get to know you all. It is more productive in the long run. And, like explosions, more fun. But only as messy if you wish it to be.

[ video ]

Jul. 3rd, 2011 09:31 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[Once again, Zevran is visible on the Network! This time, however, he is not dazed and bleeding. In fact, he looks perfectly fine. Well, almost perfectly fine. He might be looking slightly nauseous.]

I am feeling newly patriotic on this marvelous...Independence Day?...weekend, so I think I will warn you all of someone I understand to be a foreigner in our midst. She gives advice on how to properly appreciate America, but it is all a devious trick.

Tank Girl must not be trusted. Not when she is advising one on the consumption of...it is called deep-fried food, yes?

[He holds up a postcard advertising itself as from RUB BBQ.]

How strange, that a place invoking the rubbing of meat in its very name should not be enjoyable. But I assure you that after eating six deep-fried Oreos, you will want nothing rubbed at all.

[A pause, and a little of the drama fades; he looks half-serious.]

Other than that, I am unharmed, and certainly alive. Some of you were concerned about that, were you not? You are all being silly, if you ask me. As I said, I'm fine.

[And he clicks off the communicator perhaps a little too quickly.]

[ video ]

Jun. 21st, 2011 04:57 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[Zevran may be looking more thoughtful than usual! Or maybe he's just posing for the camera, which he has set down on a nearby table. He's on a balcony somewhere that obviously isn't attached to the MAC, and wow, someone needs to tell him to stop wearing silk shirts with the top button undone.]

The children in the streets have been talking of freedom. Sometimes while doing this--

[He curls his hands up into fists and touches them together. BUNP.]

Oh, the gesture is one thing. I can learn that well enough. But this business where summer comes and the City acts as if liberated from chains?

[A pause.]

Perhaps that was a poor word choice. I still haven't seen any chains here. I'm very sad, truly. If anyone would care to change my views...no?

[Back to the matter at hand.]

Even the women in the taverns speak of being freed from "finals." They seemed free enough to me before.

[He glances at the communicator, suddenly a little self-conscious, and shrugs.]

But come, then, enough talk of feelings. That won't do. Tell me instead: what are the joys the freedom of summer offers us?

I have heard of the beach. Of course, I have been to beaches back home, but I understand it's quite different here. I think--I would like to know more. Especially about the attire.
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[Anyone who makes a habit of hacking imperfectly encrypted private network messages will be treated to a series of them early this afternoon, aimed from Zevran's ID at Jack Harkness's.]

The elf is, after all, still not a computer programmer. )

[ video ]

So, that was a "prom," then. It was quite pleasing to the eyes, if not often the ears. And the lack of bloodshed was truly impressive. But I think I still prefer the parties of my home. They've more danger. Always a plus.

[A moment of hesitation, so he can school himself carefully not to look awkward.]

Speaking of one's home. Is there any way to tell if Lachesis has taken someone from the City once again? It would seem a grievous oversight if not.

[More hesitation! Now he can't help but look awkward.]

Has anyone seen Captain Jack Harkness today?
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
If we are to believe the wisdom of one of the scholars of this realm's last age, "According to the Kinsey report, every average man you know much prefers to play his favorite sport when the temperature is low, but when the thermometer goes way up and the weather is sizzling hot, Mister Adam for his madam is not." At least, that's what the lady in the tavern said. I think I get the gist of it.

[At least he didn't sing the quote.]

This world has so much of this technology business. Surely some of it can tame the heat? Oh, yes, there is "air conditioning," but it seems rather inefficient. Where is the men of science's sense of civic duty? Hmmm? An entire city, no, an entire coast languishes, or so I hear. If I don't see snow by tomorrow I will have to assume technology is inferior to magic and utterly incapable of supporting a world.

[He tugs at his open collar.]

Also, I may take off my clothes, but do not let that discourage you from working. I may take them off anyway.

[ video ]

Jun. 5th, 2011 07:28 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[Oh, look, Zevran is finally back to posting by video, since he's no longer in the process of incriminating himself or afflicted with green dye. As usual, he has the communicator held at just the right angle to give the most attractive view of himself!]

We all have such a marvelous variety of powers here, don't we? Surely someone must be able to track down a lost item. This isn't an unreasonable expectation, yes?

[And he's looking a bit less suave than normal, all of a sudden. His casual insouciance is a little bit pasted on.]

It's a rather attractive object from home, and I've had no luck at all in replacing it here. This world's craftsmen, I swear. They have grown lazy and uncreative. Tsk.

[ voice ]

May. 26th, 2011 09:43 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[In the background, the sound of running water--but no video feed, once again. Either Zevran has learned to control his vanity on the network, or yet another thing is preventing him from showing off.

The smart money is on the latter.]

I've been in this City for almost six weeks now. It has its disadvantages, I'll give you that. I don't care for the traffic, or the out-of-control magic. Or the unexpected armies. But I thought I could trust the hair care products. I liked them. More fool, I. But truly, can you blame me? Warm showers and hair conditioner are glorious inventions. I grew careless. Ah, Onyx, Booga--

[He found the thread, or at least what little of it was public, and made certain educated guesses.]

My thanks for the lesson. Such carelessness could have cost me my life back home, you must be aware. I'm touched by your concern for my alertness.

Now, the matter at hand, yes? I need blond hair dye. Also, a new bottle of shampoo. Green may be a good elven color, but I am not a good elf, and it doesn't suit me at all.
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[There's an indistinct jangle in the near distance.


Then comes the sound of the communicator being dragged along the floor, and finally a voice.]

So the battle was joined, and these Crabhammers lost. I am correct in this, yes? I can't see why else they would have put an end to their inept attempts to interrogate me.

No matter. I am the better man for it. I've learned of this handcuff invention of yours.

[The jangling noise sounds again, closer this time.]

It is a brilliant improvement on chains and manacles--so much more portable and convenient, but effective all the same. I'm only sad none of my questioners were interested in its more pleasurable uses.

Would someone lend me a lockpick? You may take advantage of me first, if it's to your taste. I won't protest. Ha, unless you'd like me to.

[ voice ]

May. 18th, 2011 08:59 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
I'll give these "Crabhammers" their due. For amateurs, they are remarkably good at sabotage.

[Oh, hey, only the voice function is on. That is unusual! Zevran typically likes to show off in his posts.]

Who is organizing the defense? I have some intelligence for them. Mind you, I don't know what it means. I am a lover, not a spy.

[ video ]

May. 3rd, 2011 10:47 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
I learned something of, mmm, how should I put it, civic duty in recent travels in my world. That is what one calls it when circumstances drive one to put body and soul into the fight to defend a foreign nation that smells far too much of wet dog from monstrous hordes, isn't it?

[He laughs and adjusts the communicator a little, zooming the picture out a bit. He's back out of the armor he arrived in and once again dressed in normal clothes, at least for this world and era, and his weapons are nowhere to be seen.]

My point was, I feel I should console the no doubt distraught citizenry after the events of this "Renaissance Faire." Some of you must be full of shame, no? There's no need. Shame should be reserved for your professional failures, or--


--when your own cowardice compels you to turn down the possibility of an intriguing sexual encounter involving three or more people...

Not when magic goes awry and draws you into its grasp. Unless, of course, it was your magic. Then by all means feel ashamed, and cast your spells more carefully next time.

[He looks like he's about to turn the device off, but something stops him.]

...but since I'm talking already, I had a question. Is it true this world is round, or is that another mass delusion left over from the festival? It seems unlikely at best.

[ video ]

Apr. 26th, 2011 04:30 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[This time, Zevran has positioned the communicator to present the most flattering possible view of himself. He seems to have mastered at least this technology by now.]

Have I mentioned yet that I very much enjoy your City? Let me take the time to do so now. It's such a...varied place. There is room for someone like me, and then...there is room for several people who have asked me if I am related to someone named Legolas. After my sixth such encounter, I thought perhaps I should learn a bit more about this fellow, yes? And as it so happens, the story of this "Lord of the Rings" has recently been reintroduced to the public. So of course, I read it.

Well, I should say, I skimmed it. It's a bit of a dull tome. So many missed opportunities! Why were there no shapely women among the Fellowship? Must I conclude that this Tolkien truly never knew the pleasure of a fine lady skilled in the arts of both love and war? I feel sorry for him. Truly, I do. But I still cannot forgive him for the terrible lack of detail about the nights Samwise and Frodo spent together on their journey. I turned the pages until my fingers were stiff--which I assure you is a tragedy itself, considering what they are normally capable of--but I could find no such passages.

Ah, well. But there is one more thing.

I have never met this..."Tanis Half-Elven," and I could find no record of him in these volumes, but my heart aches for him regardless. To go through life with such a title thrust upon one must be an ordeal indeed. If he should ever make his way to this town, please, tell him that he is welcome to seek comfort in my arms.

[ video ]

Apr. 21st, 2011 05:42 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[The video feed on the communicator is still a bit off-center. Zevran is not used to real-time distance communication at all, much less the kind that involves pictures. It is, however, reasonably steady now. Which means that a few things are clear:

1. He is in his room at the MAC. (The bed does not appear to have been slept in. Either that, or he made it very neatly, but really, which one is more likely.)
2. With his free hand, he is holding a white shirt. Or at least, a shirt that was once white. Now it's spattered with dark red fading to brown.
3. He is not wearing anything to replace the shirt. At least he still has his pants on? Nevertheless, the screen is giving a decent view of his bare chest and side. He is in excellent shape and has quite a lot of interesting tattoos, so it's not all bad.

The focus, however, is on the stained shirt. He sighs.]

Truly, I do not mind lending the City my aid in fighting off vermin. I am used to greater threats, but it is not good to fall out of practice. And the people have been so hospitable to me. I would not wish to be ungrateful.

But I just purchased this shirt. That is not very fair, do you agree? I do not even know what this "po-ly-es-ter" is, or how something can be made that is only forty percent of it. How to clean blood from it--that is a mystery, too.

It will be a while yet before I make sense of this world. Until then, perhaps a little help? I promise, you will have my gratitude. And more, if you wish.

[ video ]

Apr. 18th, 2011 12:37 pm
[identity profile] niceassassin.livejournal.com
[Whoever just turned on the communicator doesn't quite know how to work it. Flashes of blue sky and green leaves blur past the screen, replaced only sporadically with flickers of brown skin and tan leather (which looks, even from glimpses, more like something out of a Renaissance faire than an item from a fashionable store). Long, quick fingers turn the device curiously. The male voice that cuts into the parade of disjointed images sounds more amused than alarmed, though. Also, heavily accented in a way that is almost but not quite Spanish. Close enough, anyway.]

I have been told this artifact will let me speak with my fellows from, as they say, other worlds...how could I pass up such an opportunity? The people of this realm are welcoming enough. What more might I expect from other "imPorts" like myself? But forgive me for my ineptitude. I gather that whatever power brings my voice and image to you is beyond the comprehension even of the Circle of Magi, and I am no mage at all.

[Enthusiasm picks up his tone, and his hands still on the communicator, leaving it focused on the curve of his shoulder, a flash of white hair, clothing that is definitely old-fashioned leather armor.]

I came to your City last night and found it bright as day, the stars washed out of the sky. Tell me, is it like that every night? I have seen no dwarves, only great throngs of humans, but the profusion of your buildings would put the smiths of Orzammar to shame. I must wonder...some of them are very tall, are they not? Taller than any tower I knew in Antiva or Ferelden. Your human men, they are not trying to hide something, no?

Ah, but it is not my place to say. I promise, I will not judge them. As the Chantry says, we are all in the image of the Maker, although I suppose it is spoken a bit differently here.

My name is Zevran. I swear, I will do my best with the time I have in this realm.

[And apparently, making insinuations about the relation of the City's architecture to human anatomy is part of doing his best.]


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