Feb. 7th, 2013

crab: (06 █ smeared the refuge)
[personal profile] crab
[ the video feed clicks on to show one karkat vantas. clearly, he has found something new to bitch about and-- wait.

his eyes; his sclera had always been yellow, but now that yellow has spread to his iris and pupil, making his gaze appear flat and unseeing. a glow emanates from them both. the cancer symbol on his shirt is a bright candy red, and around his neck is a (lumpy, handmade) red and grey scarf, given to him by nill.

another difference is in the way he holds himself; his expression. it's not angry. it's not aggressive, or annoyed, or falsely arrogant. it's not even tense. he just looks sad. his tone is different, too -- rather than refuse to moderate his volume, the shadow is soft spoken, even gentle, when it talks.

It's really incredible, the lengths I go to trying to pretend I'm not a worthless spinal crevice dwelling smear of decaying fecal matter. I won't even use video, because I don't want any of you perceptive pains in the nook reading my expressions and making it harder for me to bullshit you into thinking I'm a legitimate badass with an ego the size of the Green Sun who will totally fuck you up, like, not even bluffing. [ a snort. ] Honestly, how many of you ever actually believed in my pathetic tough guy charade, or thought it was anything above the product of crippling neurosis and insecurity?

[ karkat's shadow rolls a shrug, and chuckles; the sound is bitter, empty. he then switches to text. ]

bright red courier )

[ and switching back to video. ]

I hate myself so much, there isn't any left for anyone else! I'm just, totally burnt out on it. Where my emotional scope for hatred once was is now a razed, barren landscape from which nothing will ever again grow. I'm broken. My blood isn't the only thing that makes me a freak. My entire being is twisted. I'm like this ever expanding nebula of unresolved feelings and problems in the wake of the catastrophic supernova that was the day I decided to grace paradox space with my repulsive existence.

[ the shadow sighs, head falling forward. it sounds exaggeratedly upset -- almost on the verge of tears. ]

And I tried to kid myself, thinking I wanted to be a threshecutioner? Yeah, what a load of bullshit. As if I could ever execute someone in cold blood? Seriously? Hahaha, no way. I'm too much of a miserable, bleeding vascular pump for that. I just wanted to fit in. I try so hard to be normal, to make up for my mutation, to command everyone's awe and admiration. I mean, what am I even worth without other people's validation? I'm nothing. I'm no one. I didn't fit in on Alternia, I can't fit in on Earth, I don't belong here, I don't belong anywhere because I'm an aberration who ruins everything he touches, who was doomed to be a screw-up from birth. There was nothing I could ever have done to stop it. It was always meant to be that way. How many of my actions, or thoughts, or feelings are even authentically mine, and how many are just the product of what fate thinks should happen? Where’s the meaning in anything you do, if it was never yours? It isn’t there. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. I don’t matter.

I'm not a leader, or a hero, or a troll, or even human, though I would have been better off as the latter. I'm just a frightened little kid.

[ after a few beats, he adds, sheepishly: ] Oh, uh, Ruka? You probably don't want to go home, by the way. Just throwing that out there. Anyone who's looking for a fight can, though, I guess. I might be a passive, quivering sop, but the rest of me isn't cognizant enough to be hampered by my astonishing brain problems. Try not to die, though. I will probably cry, and it will probably be repugnant and embarrassing for all who have to pay witness.
recurve: (; afraid)
[personal profile] recurve
Sooooo. Bad news, guys. Max Gibson ported out this morning. I'm optimistic that she'll be back soon, but you know how it goes around here. I won't be holding my breath.

Anyways, in less depressing news — or more, depending on your perspective — Valentine's Day is just one week away. What're your plans, Network? Anyone up for an anti-date night?

( video )

Feb. 7th, 2013 10:28 pm
ofmars: мιѕѕ м (『 17 』)
[personal profile] ofmars
Calling members of the Justice League. Is there anyone else out there? Please answer me if you can hear this. [ Anyone from Young Justice too… But that's more covert and she can't call for them on an open network. Instead she's probing the city mentally, as far as her range can at least, in wherever she goes. Trying to find a mind she recognizes.

Sigh. ]

My name is M'gann M'orzz.

I've read over the pamphlets, and I think I understand why I've been brought here. I need more direction than just this, though. If we're meant to be heroes in this… City, does that mean there are also teams here? Is there some sort of organization to the hero business here?

If I'm here to help, then I'll help. I won't say no to a request for help. [ Even if it was rude the way she was taken…

She smiles now. ]

To everyone else, hi. And thank you for having me in your City.


capeandcowl: (Default)

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