fourth carcino ♋ text

[crab]

THERE ARE SOME ISSUES I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS.
TO EXPLORE, IF YOU WILL.
EVEN DISCUSS, WHILE WE'RE AT IT.
ALLOW ME TO PRESENT MY GRIEVANCES:
WHAT THE FUCK IS *WRONG* WITH YOU GUYS?
WHAT HAS EVEN BEEN *HAPPENING*?
ARE YOU ALL INSANE? YES, YOU ARE. YOU ARE INSANE. I AM SURROUNDED BY PSYCHOPATHS.
I NEED NEW FRIENDS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S THE BEST IDEA I'VE EVER HAD.
FRIENDSHIP POSITIONS OPEN. REQUIREMENTS: NOT BEING A MURDER-HAPPY, REVENGE-OBSESSED PYSCHO WHOSE IDEA OF RESOLVING A SITUATION IS IN ACTUALITY MAKING EVERYTHING A SOLID BILLION TIMES WORSE.

Comments

permavoice

[ankhs]

Welcome back, Karkat!

permavoice.

[crab]

[ uh ]

Who are you, how do you know my name and why should I give a shit about it.

[ankhs]

Oh, well, I know everyone's name. And you hung out in my auspice for a while -- you know, before you woke up. I'm glad to see that you're all together again.

[ hint ]

[crab]

[ oh ]

That's not vague and strangely unsettling in the least. Also, you answered exactly none of my questions. In fact you just raised a whole new crop of them, are you ready to harvest them? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

[ankhs]

Oh, you're always so funny and colourful! You're right, I really didn't answer any of your questions. My apologies for that, but I guess I got a little ahead of myself.

[crab]

[ why does

he feel like he knows this person ]

I'll let it go this once. As long as you do me the kindness of cutting the evasive horseshit, I am not in the mood for flowery riddles and ridiculous enigmas. Have we met before?

[ankhs]

[ one word answer then: ]

Yep!

[crab]

[ you are creeping him out. ]

Oh my god, look, I'm even going to use "manners" this time- please tell me who the everloving fuck you are.

[ankhs]

I'm Death.

[crab]

What? [ wow he is not ready for this in any sense of the word. ] Oh okay, ha ha! Hilarious. I'm busting my internal organs into a mirthful slush in uncontrollable amusement. At your funny joke. Because it is just so tasteful given the situation and entertaining.

[ankhs]

I'm not trying to upset you or prank you, especially considering that you just returned to life and especially over everything that's happening. But you asked who I am, Karkat!

[crab]

I am not talking to "death". Death isn't even a real thing that can talk, it's a real thing that happens to you when you get a gigantic, bloody hole blasted through your chest, you don't hold conversations with death. I'm not having a conversation with death.

[ no he's very composed ]

[ankhs]

It's alright if you don't believe me. You're not the first person who's tried to deny who and what I am. But that doesn't change the fact that I am the personification of death.

And I've always thought of myself as a pretty pleasant conversationalist. [ she giggles ]

[crab]

[ it's less that he doesn't believe her and more that he can't. he's terrified of death. so much so that he's based a good deal of his life and mannerisms around that fear. actually talking to one of his lifelong fears isn't an undertaking he's prepared to face, particularly after said fear was recently realized. ]

Pleasant isn't the adjective I'd use. Infuriatingly cryptic, disgustingly dubious, and bulge scrapingly nebulous- there, I've given you an entire list. I can go on.

[ankhs]

I'm sorry that you feel that way, Karkat.

[crab]

It's not how I "feel", it's how things "are". You're not death. Death is a horrifying, hideous monster.

[ankhs]

Are you sure?

[crab]

I'm so sure. I'm completely sure. I am one hundred percent certain. There are no cracks nor holes within this flawless iron veneer of assuredness.

[ankhs]

Well, alright, Karkat. It seems that you don't want to believe that this is what I am, so I won't push it any further.

[crab]

[ oh god the relief is palpable. NOT A CONVERSATION HE WAS READY TO HAVE OK. ]

Great. Splendid. We can cease any and all conversational pushing, heaving, and thrusting and get to the damn point at least. The point being- what the pungent wrinkled fuck do you want?

[ankhs]

Oh, nothing, really! I just wanted to talk to you and see that you're okay. That's all.

[crab]

Oh! Oh. "Okay", you say? That I'm okay. That is such a disgusting understatement I think I just contracted a vicious sweat rash of the think pan contemplating it. I'm absolutely euphoric. My life is filled to the brim with liquid tumultuous ectasy and I am the lucky asshole that gets to take a long, deep, draught while a crowd of nookmunchers bray at him to "chug" it until he evacuates his stomach contents all over the woven floor covering.

[ankhs]

Do you want to talk about it?

[crab]

Fuck no.

[ankhs]

Well, alright. But it really seems like you need to let it out!