video;

[amoray]

[the feed is underwater, and not immediately focused on eridan (though his cape does drift slightly into view here and there). few, if any, will recognize the atlantean palace or its throne room, but the architecture and the being underwater thing might tip them off.]

Considerin' it's been about a week or so now, and I hawen't seen skin nor scale a her, it's pretty safe to say that Namora a Atlantis ain't roamin' these waters no more.

[a pause.]

That bein' said, as the last sea dweller and the only indiwidual who ain't got garbage slippin' through their weins around here, it's only natural that I take ower their palace and assorted territories in their absence. Maintain 'em and such.

Aforementioned territories bein' all sewen seas and ewerythin' in between, for the record.

[he flips the camera away from a meandering lionfish (his name is xerxes the sewenth) and to himself, comfortably sprawled in namor's throne. and being smug as a motherfucker. like literally, he's been super smug about shit before but at the moment his smugness may be mutating surrounding sealife just by how goddamn potent it is.

the lay of his cape obscures the slight bulges under his clothing at his shoulder and leg, for the most part, but his left fin is visibly torn, and still an angry purple.]

As fair and generous warnin', I'm allowin' the humans continued usage a my oceans not outta goodwill, but outta necessity. Mostly since you lungbreathers would probably start whinin' your tailfins off about widespread starwation or some shit if I didn't. But if I start seein' anythin' I don't necessarily like happenin' in my waters, I won't hesitate to fuck some a your laughable tin can ships all manner a up 'til the message starts comin' through clearer-like.

I ain't currently acceptin' wirgin sacrifices or tributes a precious metals and stones, but be watchin' for that in the future.

[he gives a little wave of his ringed fingers at the comm.]

Ewenin', dirtscrapers. And long liwe the Prince.

[end feed.]

Comments

[amoray]

I'm countin' this as a win.

[enigmaestro]

Why? Because he's paid more attention to me than any nemesis ever will to you?

[amoray]

No, because I got you to shut up for fiwe seconds.

Though it's good to know he pays a whole lot a attention to you, Ed. It's a sign a healthy caliginous affair.

[AND BECAUSE THAT LAST COMMENT REALLY STUNG]

You consider takin' this little black dalliance a yours to full blown kismesisship ewery now and again, don't you?

[enigmaestro]

I asked Norman if he considered your graffiti a threat.

He said no.

[TWO CAN PLAY AT AVOIDING QUESTIONS FOREVER]

[amoray]

Someone stringin' your toys all ower the city ain't exactly a caliginous adwance, Ed.

[BEAT.]

Though it's kind of tellin' that you asked.

[enigmaestro]

How is it telling, in what way? It's not like he figured it was you.

[amoray]

You were makin' sure he didn't feel threatened in your caliginous affairs by somebody else tormentin' you. Probably 'cos you wanted to brace for him tryin' to stake his claim again if he was, but I ain't in the business a quibblin' ower little shit like that.

It's kinda cute.

[enigmaestro]

Cute. Of course.

So how jealous are you?

[amoray]

Scale a one to ten?

Three. Four, maybe.

[that was suspiciously honest.]

[enigmaestro]

[Very, very suspicious.]

Huh. I would have guessed higher -- but the real question is: why admit to anything more than a one?

[amoray]

I been thinkin' since us gettin' all contentious and whatnot, Ed - I miss hawin' a kismesis. Somebody constantly pushin' you towards bein' the absolute most righteously kickass you can be, duelin' without hawin' to hold back, the makin' out, you get the idea. I miss that.

Like a whole fuckin' lot. It's my personal faworite a the quadrants.

[beat.]

And, in the course a gettin' into ewerybody's goddamn business, you happened across somebody achin' for a nemesis who just kinda needs a push in the right direction, well...

[enigmaestro]

You're drawing this out. I'm going to begin grading your flair for theatrics against a malevolent syllabus, or something, if you don't make your conclusions.

[malevolent syllabus.]

[amoray]

[SNORTS

MALEVOLENT SYLLABUS...]

You find anybody who might be in the market for a kismesis and who I fuckin' approwe of I ain't just takin' anybody here, you help me wrangle 'em.

And maybe I'll quit bein' so damn unpleasant if I got somebody special to take all a aforementioned unpleasantness out on.

[enigmaestro]

Matchmaker? You want me to play matchmaker, that's repulsive.

[No it isn't! He's a gossip addict!]

I don't really confer with children much, you know, you're a clear exception.

[If you discount Karkat and Ruka, of course.]

... That being said.

[amoray]

That bein' said...?

[ignoring the rest FOR THE MOMENT, EDDIE]

[enigmaestro]

Your reputation has traveled quickly. Perhaps there's someone suitable who meets legal requirements.

Or you could wait a year and a half to have your options open.

[amoray]

Then as my mentor, you take it entirely upon yourself to not fuckin' whine when I get shitty with you.

...You know, if somethin' don't happen on its own. It's pretty damn obwious I piss a whole catch a folk off regular-like anyway, so it ain't outta the question.

[enigmaestro]

You do tend to enrage the masses, yes. No doubt. But if we're talking high quality kismesis material, well, people tend to blossom post-pubescence. Hence my concern to the obvious limitation of fifteen or younger.

Essentially, until you're sixteen? No Batman. [DON'T THINK HE'S FORGOTTEN THAT, ERIDAN] Hell, even when you're thirty. No Batman.

-- At the same time, you have to cut your bickering at me back, when you come of age.

[amoray]

Are you fuckin' serious? You humans are slackin' to shit when it comes to romance, ain't you?

[UGH. that is literally the noise he makes, ugh!!]

And, your tryin' to ward me away from your ex-blackcrush aside, you're always gonna kinda piss me off. Can't much help it when you like bein' so god damn irritatin'.

[enigmaestro]

Ex. Black. Crush.

[NARROWS EYES.]

I. Am about to be unbearably magnanimous. And let that slide.

[NO BATMAN.]

But seriously, Eridan, in our society we have expectations associated with psychological growth. It's one thing to snarl and pout and throw descriptions like caliginous around when you're an adorable fourteen year old.

It's another when you've reached that documented age of arbitrary maturity. Someone might take you seriously in context with me.

[amoray]

I'm not adorable.

[he is totally adorable.]

And nobody's goin' to fuckin' bother. Ewerybody knows you're shacked up in spades with Norm, Ed.

[DRAMATIC BEAT.]

Ewerybody.

[enigmaestro]

[Precious blooblooface.]

You definitely rang false for something. Hint: it was the one that will enrage you the most.

[He's kind of enjoying the fact.]

[amoray]

I am a fuckin' monstrous goddamn killer without a fuckin' speck a regard for the liwes a you worthless candyblooded shits.

[FUMING.]

That ain't adorable.

[enigmaestro]

Had I any immediate proximity to you and a suitable camera, I would document this moment for posterity.

Because it's too adorable.

[amoray]

Batman won't think it's adorable when I'm killin' swathes a innocent ciwilians just to get him to show up for our dates.

[SAYING THE MOST HIDEOUS SHIT HE CAN THINK OF NOW THANKS]