capeandcowl | joint post / video

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joint post / video

[Hi, network. The last time you saw these two was right before they shrunk a number of you.

Only being as much of a sociopath as the average three year old, and having a much better understanding of consequences, Val realizes they have to apologize. And that it has to sound sincere. Fortunately, she's a great liar.

Calvin's on his own.]

Hi, everyone. According to my calculations, the Pym particle effects should have entirely worn off by now. As far as I know, no one was seriously injuried.

[Injuries to pride, dignity, and relationship status don't count.]

Yeah, and I'm sure everybody's really glad about that. I for one have spent enough time running away from ants to last my whole life!

[Calvin looks just thrilled about the whole adventure. He's standing next to Val, wearing his ordinary red shirt now instead of that ridiculous lab coat.]

Anyway, as the head visionary of this project and the original genius behind the experiment, I feel I ought to apologize to everyone...

[Calvin's not a great liar. He's actually a terrible liar. Fortunately, he has other talents, like deflecting responsibility. He points at Valeria and starts yelling.]

...for letting this absolute chowderhead anywhere near my inventions!

[Having had the deluxe-package Calvin Experience over the last few days, Val is prepared for something like this, but her exasperation is genuine, because you climbed on the laser, Calvin, and she puffs out an annoyed sigh.]

I do accept responsibility for letting an unqualified observer like Calvin into the lab. I should have seen something like what happened coming a mile away. I'm really sorry to everyone I inconvenienced, and I won't be "collaborating" [the sarcasm quotes on that would be audible in a vacuum] with him anymore.

[You know, when Tony lets her back in one of his labs sometime a decade from now.

Aside from the swipes at Calvin, which come paired with with a truly masterful bit of sideeying, it's an Oscar-worthy performance--she practices seeming contrite on Susan Richards, after all. And she does feel a little chastened. Having an experiment go this badly wrong is beneath her.

Calvin nods along, still pointing the finger of accusation.]

That's right, you won't be, because you are fired. You're the worst assistant I've ever had, and my last one was a ferocious jungle cat!

[Long story.]

You heard her, she accepts responsibility for everything being her fault. So that settles it!

[He turns to Val.]

You can get pelted with refuse by the angry mob, and I'll just take my new shrink ray back home and keep perfecting it, without you messing things up.

[Val looks at him for a second in disbelief. Does he not realize she actually just blamed it all on him? Wait, dumb question.]

Yeah, okay.

[Suddenly, Calvin goes sliding out of his seat and onto the floor with a thump as she pushes him out of the frame with an invisible force field. Val reaches forward and the video ends.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Hey kids. ]

Calvin. Val.

We should talk, don't you think?

[ He almost sounds reasonable. Now taking bets on how long that lasts. ]

[Nnnnnnnnnot buying it. Val heard that emphasis, and remembers the Dragon Incident clearly.]

...Hi, Julian.

[Don't mess with her. She has force fields now.]

[ Look how innocent that face is. Like butter wouldn't melt.

Yeah, she's in so much trouble. ]

Don't you 'hi Julian' me! Do you ever work on a machine that you don't break? Cause that's what, two for two now?

I didn't break it, and no, the translocator I built into the upper floors of the Baxter Building worked flawlessly.

[DO NOT IMPUGN HER SCIENTIFIC COMPETENCE, JULIAN.]

[ He is not sorry. ]

Oh so all of that was intentional, was it? Thanks, that’s great to know. By the way that doesn’t make it any better that you bite-sized me, Val! My cat tried to eat me!

The Pym particles weren't supposed to have an uncontrolled release. I am sorry about that.

[Actually genuinely sorry, but about on the level of "ate your leftovers without asking first."]

You're one of, if not the most powerful telekinetic alive, Julian. You're scared of a cat?

[A mixture of flattery and insult should help distract him, yes? It works on Johnny.]

Edited 2013-08-16 02:14 (UTC)

[ She's like, three years old. She should not know how to play to his ego already.

It still kind of works, because hi he's defensive now. ]

I didn't say I was scared, okay? Scared is a leap I didn't make. You need to never be in a lab ever again.

[Julian will learn what her family already knows: Val is a menace, but it's not because of lab accidents.]

I'm just saying, powers aren't affected by Pym scaling. It's one of his earliest established results. Did the Institute not cover that? It should definitely be in the curriculum.

[Or maybe it is and Julian just didn't pay attention in class. Either way, Val's intentionally attempting to edge the conversation away from her culpability in anything size-related.]

Edited 2013-08-17 04:51 (UTC)

[ She's literally one of the most frustrating people alive. ]

This has nothing to do with my powers, Val! [ Notwithstanding the fact that he'd had that exact conversation with Beast. ] And it has nothing to do with Pym particles, it has to do with you making my life hard every time you get your hands on a machine!

[What.]

That's not even close to true. You don't have any idea how many machines I've built.

[Val's legitimately confused, because Julian can't possibly be that dumb. She's not used to genuinely self-centered people (or at least people who do a really good job pretending), and the thought that he might not care about anything but the two run-ins he's had with Val's mad science hasn't occurred to her.]

[ In all fairness, he has absolutely no idea how much else she's done, or what the success rate is. Self-centered is right. ]

You're three. How many could it be?

I'm smarter than Dad and I have access to his labs.

[Reed is not always aware this access is occurring, ahem.]

What do you think?

I don't know, Val, why don't you tell me? The only thing I think is that you need to stay out of the lab. That crap's dangerous. What would you have done if it didn't wear off?

[ She's just a kid. And while he has telekinesis, she doesn't. ]