Jun. 29th, 2012 08:30 pm
tattleina: (just a warning but that's not nice.)
[personal profile] tattleina
[Shirley is in her apartment, her hair looking quite frazzled and her clothes slightly disheveled. She starts to adjust her clothing a bit as she realizes her appearance whilst looking at herself in the camera.]

Hello! This is Shirley. It's been, um, a while since I last posted on this network, and I'm sorry that I have, um, been ignoring it. For the most part.

As some of you may know, I come from Colorado. I was born in Denver, but I lived in Greendale for- Um. Well, Greendale doesn't exist here, but it's a very nice, small city.

[This is when she coughs and her face turns a little more sour.]

And in a nice, small city like Greendale, people didn't try and steal other people's purses. Or, if they did, they would at least have the decency to do it at night. It's just, um, very hard for me to keep adapting to this place when all these bad things happen, but I know I have to stay here. I was brought here for a reason. Probably. And God put me here for a reason as well. Definitely.

So, I think what I want to remind everyone is that everyone here is in the same boat, and we should respect other people's boundaries and other people's belongings. And the second lesson is not to attempt to steal a purse that I can fit a baseball bat inside. Thank you!


Mar. 14th, 2012 06:40 pm
tattleina: (Default)
[personal profile] tattleina
[The camera has been expertly placed on a table, and when the recording starts, Shirley hurries in from the side to speak. She's in the Pie Hole, which is looking significantly cleaner than last time you saw it. She's also wearing a party hat, just like the icon.]

Hello! As, um, certain people have already pointed out, today is a very special day.

You see, today is Pi Day! Since it's the fourteenth of the third month, or 3.14! Isn't that- Uh. Isn't that good!

[She looks pretty awkward here, but she remembers herself and begins swooping her hands out alternatively from side to side like she's handing someone a sandwich.]

And do you know what else involves pies? The Pie Hole! Unfortunately we had to temporarily close due to Ned's departure, and my brief absence, but we are now officially reopening! Our doors are now open for all of your delicious pastry needs.

Come down for our delicious pies, our lovely cup-pies, and our orgasmically delicious brownies. Oh! And we have jobs open, if anyone would like one.

So, um- I think that's it. Thank you!

[She dashes back over to the camera again to switch it off.]


Feb. 24th, 2012 09:36 pm
tattleina: (shut up you not nice person)
[personal profile] tattleina
[Deep, panicked breaths are transmitted through the feed, a small sniffling sound accompanied with them. She's desperate.]

Do you know how annoying it is to be this stupid woman? Everyone else could be someone important, but they stuck me with the one who sounds like Ms Piggy.

[Her angry tone sounds like Shirley, but by the way she's saying these things, you can tell it's not her. It's a Skrull.]

It's a distraction. You wasted your time on meetings and kidnappings and amputations- [She laughs a little here] -You didn't even think for once to wonder why we would want your ugly little city in the first place. Arrogance.

It's Vulcanus. They've been pumping your governments, your leaders, your politicians with our race. It was so simple to distract you, to cause everyone to distrust each other. You should be ashamed of yourselves. But, of course, this is just the first step. What happens next?

[She's bitter now, furious, but there's a definite emotional vibration in her voice that suggests she's just plain scared.]

I will tell you everything, but at a price. You grant me full immunity from prosecution, and I say what I know. You may have found out N'cho, but he's a simpleton. Li'litu also gave herself up, for sentiment. Not all of us are that idiotic; not all of us will be uncovered so easily.

Let me live, and you can finally be rid of the whole plot. And just to prove I'm no fraud- Namora is a Skrull. I would catch her before she runs back into the ocean. I'll expect contact within ten minutes, or you're never getting any information out of me.

[OOC: Unfortunately, Skrulley is now no longer around. This post comes a little while after the previous one, after she's done answering questions.]
tattleina: (this doesn't sound nice at all...)
[personal profile] tattleina

[It's the interior of the Pie Hole, but things don't look as clean as usual. A few tables have been pushed aside, along with a few chairs lying across the room, one of them even broken. Shirley stands, pointing the camera outwards at the scene of the crime.]

I think there was a break-in at the Pie Hole. And, um, they- Hold on...

[She points the camera at the door, zooming in on the lock.]

I think they picked the lock. They didn't take any money, or any ingredients, or even my secret brownie recipe, so I don't think it was a burglary.

[She turns the camera back to the floor. The lights of the Pie Hole show that the floor is slightly wet, as if someone had attempted to clean it.]

But, um, the worst part is- Well, I think someone was trying to clean up, but they missed a bit and-

[She moves over to the broken chair now, pushing the camera in to see one of the chair legs, which has a small splatter of green liquid. Skrull blood, most likely.]

Um, well, I hope that's not what I think it is. They are supposed to bleed green, aren't they? I didn't really want to watch anyone cut off their limbs, so- Oh! I nearly forgot! There's also a shoe.

[Shirley points the camera at a man's black dress shoe that has been knocked by the side of a fallen table.]

It's a man's shoe, I think. I'm not really sure what size it is though, because I didn't want to get my fingerprints all over it, but I'm sure a detective can take it to a lab for further testing. Maybe you could do a fiber analysis like on CSI: Miami! [Cough.] But that's, um, just a suggestion.

[She finally points the camera to her face, looking extremely anxious.]

If someone from the police can come down to help, I would appreciate that. Or if you would like some pie! I'm sure we can make some more pie, if you would want some.

[She pauses for another second, glancing around the restaurant. She's feeling pretty guilty about letting Ned down, but she quickly decides to change the subject in order to say something.]

Oh, and this is unrelated, but has anyone seen James recently? I haven't seen him since last evening, and he hasn't been answering any of my messages, which isn't like him- Um. Thank you. Sorry.

[OOC: Investigative rights go to Tonks and Tavros, but if your character would like a look around, just ask!]


Jan. 29th, 2012 09:21 pm
tattleina: (Default)
[personal profile] tattleina
Hello! What a nice day it is today. Do you know what this, um, nice weather makes me think of?

[She holds up a little pamphlet, entitled "The Joy of Forgiveness", with clipart of two men shaking hands. It's probably been taken from her local church.]

I know that sometimes people can do things that are very insensitive or rude to other people, often without realizing it. And other people may get very offended or annoyed when people do these things. But I think it's important to remember the, um, Joy of Forgiveness.

For example, if one person upset someone else by ignoring them, and if that other person then ignores them back, it would always be best to forget your argument and make up. Being friends is very important, especially if there is a chance that it can change into something more important.

[COUGH] But that's just, um, an example. You don't have to listen to me. After all, I haven't learned much from so many years of marriage, or from raising three kids. I know that my opinion probably doesn't even matter that much to most people, but I thought I should at least hope that one person would listen to my advice. For once.

So, who would you like to forgive? Is there anyone who should be forgiving you? It's always best if you get these things out in the open, where I can help you with them. If you, um, would want my advice anyway.


Jan. 13th, 2012 11:29 pm
tattleina: (Default)
[personal profile] tattleina
Hello! I just decided to make a post about the exciting new brands of brownies that I am currently producing- Some of them have toffee in them with cute little candy hearts on top!

[She shows off the delicious lumps of brownie to the camera, each one red icing forming a sloppy heart in the middle of the brownie.]

See? These are prototypes, of course, for Valentine's Day! I remember that, um, holiday seasons were 'prime marketing opportunities' for 'the savvy business owner', so I decided I had better start now!

[She giggles a little, setting down the tray of brownies on a nearby counter.]

Oh, speaking of Valentine's Day, it is such a nice time for romance! Do you have any secret crushes? Or are you going steady with someone? Hee hee, don't worry! I won't tell! I'm just curious about what everyone is going to do to celebrate.


Dec. 14th, 2011 08:23 pm
tattleina: (Default)
[personal profile] tattleina
hello everyone!! :)

it is getting very close to christmas and i was thinking it would be nice for everyone to say what their favorite part of the holidays is!

my favorite part of the holiday is spending it with the people who care enough about me enough to invite me to their christmas celebrations! unfortunately, it seems that not many people in the city seem to enjoy that as much as i do... :( but i can probably do something by myself, even if it will be my first christmas without any of my children with me...

i also like wrapping presents! okay it's your turn now!!! :)


Aug. 18th, 2011 10:36 pm
tattleina: (Default)
[personal profile] tattleina

[Shirley is holding up a big book with the words 'Shirley's Scrapbook! <3' written on it in huge, blindingly hideous neon pink ink.]

I've decided that whilst I am here, it would be nice to create some memories about all the activies that I've had with people here.

For instance, this-- [She points to a picture of a DVD case!] --Is Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj. Isn't it fun?

[That is quite literally the only photograph in the scrapbook so far.]

So, um, I was thinking that if anyone else would like to start scrapbooking that it would be fun to do it together! Oh, and if anyone knows where I can purchase a copy of the original Van Wilder, I would appreciate it.


Jun. 18th, 2011 07:50 pm
tattleina: (Default)
[personal profile] tattleina
[The camera switches on to Shirley's face, looking rather worried and also pretty confused.]

Uh, excuse me, but does anyone know the quickest bus to Colorado? I've got to get home to my baby, so I really don't have time to play superheroes. I don't appreciate being stuck in this big city all by myself and I really hope you don't want me to get hurt. After all, I am a mother and a Christian, and a student who's trying to get a business degree--

[Okay, this is obviously not working. It's time to use some force. She gives a very loud cough before continuing.]

Um, I apologize that I'm obviously not the correct person for this job- [There's a big shift in her voice here]- but I certainly ain't apologizing for the fact that you dragged me across the damn country just to play in your stupid little game. This isn't The Cape! This is real life, and unless you've got one goodass excuse, I'm going to make sure you ain't going to be touching anyone for a long, long time. Got it?

[She coughs again, her voice returning to a more sweet tone.]

Now, if someone could please direct me towards the- Oh my Lord, what happened to the Moon?

[The video conveniently ends here as Shirley catches a glimpse of the interesting sculpture on the Moon.]

[OOC: If you haven't already, please fill out this permissions post if you wish for Shirley to use her gossip powers on your character!]


capeandcowl: (Default)

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