capeandcowl | fifth card: the Fool, reversed [video]

[It's Minako, once again up on a rooftop somewhere, but there's something that's not quite right about her, in a way that's hard to put a finger on. The simple white kimono she's wearing is out of the ordinary enough, but even aside from that, something seems off.

Particularly keen observers might realize that her hairpins are on the right side of her head, instead of on the left side where she normally wears them, or maybe that there's something wrong with her eyes, though it's hard to tell what over the communicators' video feed.]

Hey, you know...? [Her voice is fragile, distant.]

There are many, many, so very many things that I still want to do... I want to graduate from high school. I want to see the cherry blossoms bloom, and the autumn leaves fall. I want to go to the beach again with everyone.

I want to go to a festival and eat dango and takoyaki. I want to fall asleep listening to the rain. I want to get up early and see the sunrise. I want to stay up late and go stargazing.

I want to kiss the guy I like. I want to sing karaoke with my friends.

I want to live to be twenty.

All of these things... they're not that much to ask, are they? Other people out there - you'll get to do things like that all the time, and you don't even understand how precious it is just to have the chance. [Her voice has taken on a plaintive, petulant edge, almost a whine:] Even though it could all disappear tomorrow, you still just take it all for granted, like it doesn't even matter.

It isn't fair.

[Suddenly her expression twists and her voice rises, loud and angry and urgent.]

It isn't fair! I've been everything anyone needed me to be! I did everything! I saved everyone!

So why...

Why is it that I'm the only one who can't be saved?!

[Kneeling there, she flails her arms uselessly at her sides, kimono sleeves flapping, like a child having a tantrum.]

I'm going to die, do you understand? I'm tired all the time! I'm scared all the time, and nobody ever even notices! As long as I keep smiling, then it's fine, right?! You don't have to care!

I don't want to die! I want to live!

[Her voice hitches and breaks in a hiccuping little sob.] But I won't. So that everyone else can keep on living - just so that everyone else can go on taking their lives for granted, and finding stupid reasons not to be happy, until it's too late--

[She squeezes her eyes shut, voice rising again, loud and shrill.]

Why does it have to be this way? Somebody tell me!

I don't want to die. [She's sobbing openly now, making no effort to hold back the tears at all.] Please, somebody - somebody--

Please, someone save me!

[ooc: Meet Shadow Minako. The Shadow Märchen plot has officially begun!]

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Hey, calm down already.

[ What's gotten into Minako? Must have been all that cheerfulness. ] See, this is why it's not good to always fake a smile. You honestly have no one to blame but yourself.

[The answer is an absolutely furious teary, golden-eyed glare.]

Don't you dare say that to me! It's my fault? I'm not the one who wished for death and called down the Fall! I didn't do anything wrong!

[ Let it be known that Rin isn't the best at calming others down. ]

Yes, that may be true. It sounds as though those were unfair circumstances thrown at you, but life isn't always a walk in the park. What is your fault is acting as though there's nothing wrong all the time. How is anyone able to help you otherwise?

Calm down.

[In fairness to Rin, "calming down" wasn't really going to happen regardless.]

Because your way of doing things is so much better? You're not in any position to criticize me!

Why should I? It's not something to be calm about!

Is there anything anyone can do about it?

[ Totally neutral tone of voice.

[ She can always soothe that temper by encasing her in ice, but people tend to frown upon using magic when communicating with others. A shame, really. ]

Wha-? What the hell do you mean by that? [ Good job making her break out a curse word. ]

[Xanatos's voice is calm, trying to be reassuring, though there is a small undertone of 'what the hell' in his voice.]

It's alright. Take a deep breath, count to ten, then take another.

[Mordin is muttering to himself, deeply concerned.]

Altered appearance, altered behaviour, emotional outbursts, references to imminent mortality. No signs of terminal illness or injury though. Possible delayed trauma reaction from previous death? Unlikely.

[The Professor inhales, stops muttering, addresses her directly.]

Minako, what's wrong?

If there isn't, then am I supposed to not be upset about it?

Someone could at least try!

[Someone's going to have a lot of apologies to make when this is all over.]

Are you really going to tell me that you have it all figured out? That you don't have a problem with showing your weakness to other people?

[ Sorry, Rin's username could have been GRUDGEWANK and it would be as accurate as AVERAGE. ]

I have no weakness, but if I did I would have others help me with it. [ No, no she wouldn't. ] No one can help you if you're pretending as though nothing is the matter.

So it's really your fault. [ Hmph. ]

Let's just meet up and talk about this over tea.

It's not all right. [Her voice is muffled, as though she's crying into her hands.] It's useless. Why was I even born if I'm just going to die without ever having anything for myself?

Who said that you're going to die like that? Life's what you make it.

[ So this definitely isn't an emotion he associates with this chick. ]

What the hell are you talking about, Minako? You're freaking out here.

How many times have I told you?

[His voice is rough and bitter. He's always putting in a little extra effort to hold all the cracked pieces of himself together, but when someone he wants to take care of cries it makes the edges more jagged and it's a lot harder.

He doesn't know what's prompted this. He can tell that something's off about this Minako, but it still sounds too much like her, looks too much like her for him to dismiss.]

You're really an idiot.

But this is tedious.

[And like that, all emotion is gone from his voice, and his face as well. He could be talking about a particularly irritating chore.]

There's only one way to save you, so I'll oblige if I find you like this.

I'm going to die. [The words are forced out between sobs.] Even though I want to live - I have to--

[ kanaya comes onscreen though bewildered and dismayed. ]

What are you talking about? Why should you have to die to save anyone? [ and why does she seem to know so many people convinced of that very thing? ]

You're joking, right? You can't even admit that we're friends! You have no right to lecture anyone about not being honest!

That's easy for you to say. [She says it bitterly.] You still have one.

[Mordin speaks softly.]

Death necessary part of life. Also necessarily undesirable. Impulse of all beings to prolong their own lives. Driver of all existence. Nothing to be ashamed of.

[He shakes his head.]

Should have seen it before. Previous inquiries about own death indicative.

Too young to be facing this so early. Will save you if I can. Duty as doctor. Tell me why you're dying.

Edited 2013-02-02 14:45 (UTC)

Says the girl still breathing. If you don't like your fate, change it. Nothing is set in stone.

That's allowed, isn't it? I have enough of a reason, don't I?

[Her tone swings sharply into anger and bitterness.]

But people only really care about things that relate to them personally. It's only okay to have feelings when they're pretty and convenient and don't cause any trouble.

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fifth card: the Fool, reversed [video]

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