♋ thirteenth.

[crab]

[private | kanaya maryam | text]
HEY.
OK THIS IS
I’M NOT REALLY SURE WHERE TO START, BUT I
I’M SORRY FOR IGNORING YOU, I JUST DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I’M STILL NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY, TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST WITH YOU.
BUT MY SILENCE WASN’T A REFLECTION ON YOU OR MY SENTIMENTS TOWARDS YOU OR ANYTHING, I PROMISE.
I WAS SHUTTING OUT EVERYONE. EVEN GAMZEE.
I’M JUST
NOT SURE WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO OR WHERE I’M SUPPOSED TO GO FROM WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW.
OK I’M TALKING IN CIRCLES RIGHT NOW, I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT.
I JUST DON’T WANT THINGS BETWEEN US TO CHANGE, KANAYA.
AND I THINK IN PART THE REASON WHY I HAVEN’T CONTACTED YOU SOONER IS THAT I’M AFRAID THAT, AFTER EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENED, IT’S INEVITABLE THAT THEY WILL.
THAT THEY PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE.
AND I CAN’T PREDICT IF AND HOW WE’RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO ADJUST.
THERE IS ONE THING I CAN SAY WITH CERTAINTY ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE THOUGH
I LOVE YOU TOO.

[private | nepeta leijon | text]
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR THE WAY I’VE TREATED YOU
I DON’T EXPECT YOU TO FORGIVE ME, OR EVEN RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE
AND I’LL SPARE YOU THE OVERWROUGHT SELF FLAGELLATION
I JUST WANTED TO SAY
EVEN THOUGH IT IS ESSENTIALLY WORTHLESS IN THE FACE OF MY GARGANTUAN, THROBBING ASSHOLE ATTRIBUTE
I’M SORRY.
I’M SO, SO SORRY.
YOU DON’T DESERVE ANY OF THE SHIT I’VE PUT YOU THROUGH.

[private | feferi peixes | text]
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
MY OTHER SELF WAS AN INSUFFERABLE, UNREASONABLE BILGEPOT WITH HIS HEAD SO FAR UP HIS HINDQUARTERS HE WAS INCAPABLE OF EXCRETING ANYTHING BAR GALLONS UPON GALLONS OF SHIT FROM HIS DISGUSTING MAW.
EVIDENCED BY THE FACT THAT, AMONG OTHER THINGS, HE THOUGHT TELLING SOMEONE TO MURDER THEIR LUSUS WAS AN OK THING TO SAY
AND NOT THE BABBLING OF THE MOST ENORMOUS JERKWAD TO EVER GRACE THIS CITY’S POPULATION.

[private | eridan ampora | text]
I HAVE SAT HERE FOR THE BETTER PART OF TWENTY MINUTES ATTEMPTING TO FORMULATE AN APPROACH TO THIS GODAWFUL FUCKSPLOSION OF A FIASCO
AND I HAVE THOROUGHLY AND GLORIOUSLY FAILED.
I FAILED WITH SUCH FLARE AND SKILL THAT I AM EXPECTING OFFICIAL COMMENDATIONS FROM THE INTERNATIONAL PROFESSIONAL FAILURES ASSOCIATION AT ANY MOMENT NOW.
THERE IS NO METHOD OF APPROACHING THIS.
ALL I CAN THINK TO SAY
IS TO ASK YOU
WHAT THE ACTUAL CANKERBLASTING FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF???

[private | edward nygma | text]
THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL NOTICE:
YOU AND I ARE THROUGH.
I WILL NOT BE SPYING FOR YOU ANY LONGER.
I WILL NOT BE ASSISTING YOU IN ANY CAPACITY ANY LONGER.
I WILL NOT BE HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANY LONGER.
I’M *NOT* YOUR INVESTMENT.
AND JUST TO GIVE YOU A HEADS UP
I INTEND TO TELL ERIDAN EVERYTHING REGARDING OUR TIME WORKING TOGETHER.
I SURE HOPE I RANG FALSE, ALL THOSE TIMES I TOLD YOU YOUR PLANS WITH ME WOULD BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE!
DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.

Comments

[glowsferatu]

[ don't cry don't cry don't cry oh my god ]

Youre Back! [ a shout pole? oh my god keep it contained. ]
Are You Alright Have You Eaten Do You Need Me To Take You Anywhere [ SLOW DOWN, BREATHE ]
Sorry Im Not Disregarding Anything You Just Said Its Only That Im
Relieved [ you could do better than that. ]
I Missed You

[crab]

I MISSED YOU TOO.
I WOULDN'T MIND MEETING UP FACE TO FACE, BUT I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE THIS REUNION CONVERSATION FIRST.
I'M FINE.
OR, AS FINE AS ONE CAN BE AFTER BEING YANKED BACK AND FORTH ACROSS DIMENSIONS AND ALMOST EATEN BY A GARGANTUAN MUTANT SHARK.
I THINK ONE OF MY RIBS MIGHT BE BROKEN.

[glowsferatu]

What Happened
You Were In A Fight Are You Okay Have You Had Medical Attention
Wait Sorry Let Me Try That Again
Would It Be Alright If I Took You To The Clinic
That Kind Of Injury Isnt One Youll Want To Leave Unattended

[crab]

THE LAND OF ROBOTS AND AGGRAVATION WAS PRETTY SHORT ON MEDICAL FACILITIES, SURPRISE SURPRISE.
AND YEAH, I WAS IN A FIGHT
THOUGH IT WASN'T *REALLY* A GIANT SHARK, I DON'T THINK?
IT TURNED INTO A GREEN ALIEN WHEN I KILLED IT.
I THINK IT WAS
WHAT DID YOU GUYS CALL THEM
A SKRULL?

[glowsferatu]

[ it has been a long time since she thought about skrulls, about n'tical and how sad she was, after it all. that's not the part she wants to focus on. ]

What Was It Doing There
What Were You Doing There
I Thought You Had Gone Home

[crab]

I HAVE NO IDEA, TO BOTH.
I DIDN'T GO HOME.
THAT WAS ABOUT AS FAR FROM "HOME" AS YOU COULD POSSIBLY PLACE YOURSELF.

[glowsferatu]

That Means The Recent Disappearance Were Far More Irregular Than We Had First Suspected
Though The Quantity Of Exports Was Cause Enough For Alarm As It Was
You Hardly Needed Something Like This
Not After
Everything Else

[crab]

TELL ME ABOUT IT!
I SWEAR SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE MY LIFE IS JUST THIS ENDLESS PARADE OF CATASTROPHE PLAYED OUT PURELY FOR THE SICK AMUSEMENT OF THE INDISTINCT, JACKASS EPHEMERAL FORCES IN CHARGE OF OUR FATE.
I CAN'T REALLY TELL YOU WHICH ONE I HATE MORE AT THIS STAGE, LACHESIS OR PARADOX SPACE.
THEY'RE PRETTY EVENLY MATCHED FOR MY IRE.
BUT WHATEVER, UNWANTED DIMENSION-NAPPING ASIDE
THERE'S SOME STUFF WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT, ISN'T THERE.

[glowsferatu]

[ well it isn't like she could have avoided it forever. ]

Paradox Space At Least Follows A Goal
It Has An Ultimate Result
A Reward We May One Day Enjoy Once It Has Run It Course
The Hope Of A Future That We Need Only Work Toward
Lachesis Has No Such Conclusion In Mind
She Only Acts As Amuses Her From What I Can Deduce
Your Calamitous Parade Being One Such Example
The One Thing I Know Is That I Wont Allow Myself To Be Listed Among Those Catastrophes Any Longer
If They Must Be So Insistent Then I Should Be Their Opposite Number

[crab]

YOU REALLY THINK THERE'S GOING TO BE A "REWARD"?
DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME WE PUT OUR FAITH IN SOME ULTIMATE PRIZE WAITING FOR US AT THE END?
HONESTLY, LACHESIS AND PARADOX SPACE ARE ONE AND THE SAME.
OUR PATHETIC LITTLE PERSONAL TIMELINES ARE MEANINGLESS WHEN STACKED UP AGAINST WHATEVER INSCRUTABLE GRAND DESIGNS EITHER OF THEM HAVE.
SERIOUSLY, WHY WOULD EITHER OF THEM GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US AND OUR "HOPES" FOR THE FUTURE?
THIS ISN'T THE POINT, THOUGH.
WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING LACHESIS OR PARADOX SPACE OR HOPE OR HOW ENDLESSLY AGGRAVATING MY LIFE IS
AND WE'RE ESPECIALLY NOT DISCUSSING THE
WAIT

ARE YOU SAYING WE SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDS ANYMORE?

[ if she could only see the spasm of terror that just passed over his expression. ]

[glowsferatu]

[ she could argue that first part, and she wants to. keeping up hope is a delicate thing and she's out of practice, it might have been good exercise. reasoning it out makes it easier for her to believe, even if she couldn't convince him.

she'd love to argue it, but there are more important things to discuss here. ]

No That Isnt What Im Saying
Believe Me I Thought That Would Have Been Best At First
For You It Really May
But I Couldnt Manage It I Dont Have The Strength
Im Too Afraid Even To Try

What I Am Instead Saying Is I That Will Not Fall Within The Definition Of Catastrophic Anymore
At Least Not In Ways That May Affect You

[crab]

IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN FOR THE BEST AT ALL
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DO YOU EVEN MANAGE TO DRAW THAT CONCLUSION?
THE ONLY TIMES YOU FALL WITHIN THE DEFINITION OF CATASTROPHIC IS WHEN YOU DIE.

WHEN YOU LEAVE ME.

[glowsferatu]

I Was Rather Catastrophic When You Died As Well If You Recall
And With You At The Slumber Party
Throughout The Visit To Venezuela And For Weeks Afterward
There Were Others Times You Wouldnt Remember As Well
I Havent Been Anything Short Of A Catastrophe For A Long Time Karkat
And So Ill Have To Ask Your Forgiveness In My Insistence To Continue Our Friendship
But I Will Promise To
Try Containing Myself Better

I At Least Have No Intention Of Dying Again

[crab]

OK I'LL ADMIT ALL OF THAT STUFF WAS PRETTY TERRIBLE
BUT I DON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST YOU.
NOT REALLY.
THE... CAPE, AT THE SLUMBER PARTY.
I WON'T LIE, IT HURT.
BUT I UNDERSTAND YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY.
THE OTHER ME DIDN'T LIE, BUT HE WAS ALSO A HYSTERICALLY EMOTIONAL CRYBABY COMPLETELY REMOVED FROM ANYTHING RESEMBLING A RATIONAL THOUGHT PROCESS.
YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE HIM TOO SERIOUSLY.
STOP TREATING US BEING FRIENDS LIKE IT'S SOME GREAT BURDEN. I WANT US TO BE FRIENDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITH MYSELF IF I LOST YOU. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REALIZE THAT?
YOU KNOW, IF ANYTHING IS A CATASTROPHE, IT'S THE WAY YOU CONTINUOUSLY UNDERMINE HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME.

[glowsferatu]

Have You Never Thought I Dont Feel The Same Way
Your Own Suffering Always Ends Up Directed More Inward
You Arent Nearly As Responsible For Causing Others Pain As You Seem To Think
But Wont Hear The First Word Of Your Being Positively Regarded Without Suspicion Of An Ulterior Motive
You Mean So Much To Me And You Constantly Undermine It
Maybe Not Vocally But Youre Thinking It Right Now I Just Know It
He Would Even Have Said As Much

I Cant Not Take Him Seriously
What He Was And Is Still A Part Of You
And One That Spoke Truth As Well
There Are Things He Said That I Needed To Hear
Both Of Us Could Benefit From Acknowledging Them

[crab]

[ it takes him a long time to answer.

he hates it when she's right. ]

YEAH, BUT YOU SAID YOURSELF.
HE WASN'T ALL OF ME.
HE DIDN'T GIVE YOU THE WHOLE PICTURE.

[ DEFTLY AVOIDING THAT... SELF WORTH THING... ]

[glowsferatu]

No
He Didnt
But Hes Much Like Yourself In That Way
Or Did I Not Just Mention What Youre Now Thinking Without Saying

[crab]

LOOK
I KNOW YOU KNOW I HATE MYSELF.
EVERYONE KNOWS I HATE MYSELF.
*I* KNOW I HATE MYSELF.
AND IT MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE TO YOU, OR TO ANYONE ELSE.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN JUST SWITCH IT OFF.
IT'S NOT FOR NO REASON.
SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO FULLY COMPREHENDS THE EXTENT OF THE IMPACT MY MISTAKES HAVE HAD.
AND RECOGNIZES THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE FACT THAT I KEEP MAKING THEM
OFTEN EVEN WHEN I'M AWARE IN ADVANCE THAT I'M GOING TO REGRET THEM.
MORE THAN THAT, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BROACH THIS TOPIC WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, KANAYA.
IT'S TOO SOON.
I CAN'T DO IT.

[glowsferatu]

[ she just got him talking to her for the first time in a month, the last thing she needs is to push him into quitting the whole conversation. ]

Then We Dont Have To
But In Spite Or Perhaps Because Of The Fact You Cant Do It Yourself
And Even Should You Still Hurtle Towards Those Same Blunders Endlessly
Just Know That I Will Love You Either Way

[crab]

THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED.

[glowsferatu]

But I Cant Pretend Its The Only Thing I Have To Offer Without Telling A Lie
Neither Can I Promise I Will Always Have The Prudence To Most Effectively Apply Whatever Else

[crab]

THAT'S FINE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
DO YOU WANT TO MEET UP IN PERSON NOW?

[glowsferatu]

Ill Be There In A Moment

[ and no sooner is the message sent than a knock comes at the door. the front door of the house, even. she decides this would be a bad time to barge in, even if her arrival was both solicited and announced. ]