capeandcowl | twenty-three. voice.

[Katurian sounds tired and frail. His voice carries its usual tremor.]

As a human being-- like all human beings, I make a tremendous amount of mistakes. A tremendous amount. I'm not a role model. That isn't-- That isn't something I could say.

[Vocalizing those words nearly kicks his breath away. Pause. Then, feverishly:]

I wanted to apologize for the state I found myself in this last week, a state in which-- in which many of you saw me, and I wanted to let everyone know that it was my fault. I thank you for your concern, I really do, but the most important thing for any of you to know is that it was my fault. And I don't want pity, that's never something I want, even if it seems like a very easy thing to give, even if it seems like I deserve it, because I don't deserve pity and I don't want it either. That doesn't mean I deserve to be treated like shit, g-granted, I don't want to see anyone using that as a fucking excuse, but I-- I'm--

[He catches himself. Breathes.]

But I'm all right.

[Click.]

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The sort who cares for you. Emotionally.

[Good. Not as he feared.]

Does he. And why would that interest Desire?

It's possessive, of its interests. It doesn't like us having other connections, that withdraw our attention from it.

[Beat.]

It wanted me to sacrifice one of mine, to save Katurian. I refused to -- so I outwitted it with another solution. It does not take kindly to such things, too often. But sometimes it does.

[He nearly types 'good thing I have none', but pauses, and deletes it. He's not sure if he wants to hear if that's a falsehood or not. Instead:]

'Other connections'. And yet I have no doubt it has a hand in forging many of them.

[And he pauses, because he has questions and he has a feeling Edward may know the answer to them, but he stops himself because he's already given away a bit too much in this conversation.]

There isn't a lot for it to take advantage of, from me.

If not all of them. But Desire is fickle and -- more importantly -- must be seen as the most important.

But Sherlock, really -- what is absent, it can simply create. Desire plays to win, like all its favorites.

[And there is the point of the question that has been nagging at him.]

And can it create something from nothing?

Can it create a wanting where there previously was none? Of course. It is desire, it can push and bubble itself anywhere.

[He had assumed, of course, but he had still felt he had one last wall to separate himself from it.

The more interesting thing was that it was a wall Desire had not yet attempted to breach. Perhaps it was a matter of last resort...]

Of course. So it can give as much as it can take away. Worth noting.

Edited 2011-12-29 08:49 (UTC)

There's much that's worth noting with Desire. But to reiterate it all would surely rob you of the chase. [He teases, of course, egging Sherlock.]

It likes to take away what you value. That's how it makes you want more.

twenty-three. voice.

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