second carcino ♋ text ♋ backdated to feelings jam. (the 8th)

[crab]

[ transcript for those who don't want to wade through capslock courier. ]

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
I MEAN, SIDE SPLITTINGLY HILARIOUS.
BRACE YOURSELVES AND TRY NOT TO HAVE A SEIZURE ON ACCOUNT OF HOW FUCKING FUNNY THIS IS OK.
I CREATED A UNIVERSE.
WELL, MY FRIENDS AND I DID.
AMAZING, RIGHT?
IN FACT IT WAS PRETTY DAMN SIMILAR TO THIS ONE.
THE UNIVERSE WE CREATED HAD A VERSION OF "EARTH", TOO, WHICH LEADS ME TO QUESTION HOW THIS ONE EVER CAME INTO EXISTENCE WITHOUT OUR INTERFERENCE, BUT I DIGRESS
I'M PRETTY MUCH A GOD.
HOW IMPRESSIVE IS THAT!
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR REWARD. TO ENTER THE UNIVERSE WE MADE AND INHABIT OUR PARADISE PLANET.
THAT'S THIS ONE.
AND RULE OVER IT.
THIS WAS OUR PRIZE. THE ONE I'D LED US THROUGH A SIX HUNDRED HOUR CAMPAIGN OF GAMEPLAY TO WIN.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GAVE IT?
WHAT I INFECTED THIS ULTIMATE REWARD WITH?
CANCER.
I GAVE
AN ENTIRE
UNIVERSE
CANCER.
HA HA HA.
YEAH.
AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE HALF OF IT, NO.
THAT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY STELLAR LEADERSHIP CAREER.
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE? OF COURSE YOU DO. WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO THE DEGRADATION OF MY REMAINING SANITY AND SELF RESPECT! IT'S A GODDAMN SPECTACLE, I SHOULD BE SELLING TICKETS TO SEE THIS SHIT.
I'LL TELL YOU.
WE WERE BARRED FROM ENTRY TO THIS CANCER-RIDDEN "PRIZE" BY THE PERSONIFICATION OF THE DISEASE ITSELF.
WE HAD TO HIDE OUT IN SOME GODFORSAKEN LAB ON SOME GODFORSAKEN METEOR.
LONG STORY SHORT, WE MADE CONTACT WITH THE INHABITANTS OF THIS UNIVERSE WE CREATED. HUMANS. THAT'S YOU.
NOW, ME BEING THE HOTSHOT EXAMPLE OF MATURITY AND DISCIPLINE I AM, I IMMEDIATELY SET UP A LASER GUIDED ATTACK ON SAID HUMANS' SELF ESTEEM.
BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS THEIR FAULT WE'D BEEN DENIED OUR REWARD. AND THAT WE WERE ALSO ALL GOING TO DIE.
WHILE I WAS MERCILESSLY WRECKING THESE SQUISHY FLESH SACKS' HUMAN SHIT IT CAME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THEY WEREN'T ACTUALLY THAT TERRIBLE.
TURNS OUT I WAS THE TERRIBLE ONE ALL ALONG.
IN FACT IT'S HARD TO CONVEY JUST HOW TERRIBLE.
FUCK.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING THEN
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.
WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING HERE. WHY AM I DOING THIS.
IT'S SO FUCKING POINTLESS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAPPENED, WHILE I WAS BEING AN UNMITIGATED DOUCHESUCK TO A BUNCH OF ALIENS?
TROLLS DIED.
MY FRIENDS DIED.
WHILE I STOOD THERE AND WATCHED LIKE AN IDIOT
I JUST
I FROZE UP. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT. IT WAS SO FUCKING FAST.
IN FACT IF I HAD TRIED TO STOP HIM HE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KILLED ME TOO.
BUT BECAUSE I WAS A USELESS SACK OF SHIT I SURVIVED.
AND
ONE OF THEM DID COME BACK.
I'M STILL NOT SURE HOW. BUT SHE DID. AND I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IF SHE HADN'T.
BUT THE OTHER DIDN'T. AND I
IF I'D JUST
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT WASN'T IT EITHER.
WHILE I'D HAD MY BACK FIGURATIVELY TURNED ANOTHER OF US
WELL
HE WENT CRAZY. INSANE. HE FUCKING LOST IT. AND WHEN MY SPECIES GOES CANKERPLANK PUSLOOPS WHAT WE TEND TO DO IS START MURDERING EACH OTHER.
AND MAYBE IF I'D PAID ATTENTION TO HIM TO BEGIN WITH INSTEAD OF MY OWN RIDICULOUS HORSESHIT I COULD HAVE PREVENTED WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
BUT AGAIN
BECAUSE I APPARENTLY DON'T LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF MY PAST SELF, NOW MATTER HOW UNFORGIVABLE
I FROZE UP.
I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING. I GOT SCARED, OK.
I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE SCARED OF ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL BE AGAIN.
SO I FLAKED OUT
I TOLD SOMEONE ELSE TO FIX IT FOR ME.
I TOLD THEM TO KILL HIM FOR ME.
WHICH I WISH I COULD SAY IS THE STUPIDEST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE, AND IT'S FUCKING DEPRESSING AS HELL TO KNOW THAT THAT WASN'T.
BECAUSE THAT WAS INCREDIBLY STUPID.
I SENT HIM TO DIE.
BASICALLY.
AND
SOMEONE ELSE TOO.
BOTH OF THEM DIED BECAUSE OF ME.
I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE KILLED THEM MYSELF.
PEOPLE DIED WHILE I SHAT AROUND AVOIDING MY FEELINGS LIKE A SLOPSPINED WRIGGLER.
AS IF THAT WAS A NEW THING.
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT I DO BEST!
IN THE END I DID WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE TO START WITH.
I DON'T THINK YOU'D GET IT SO I'M NOT GOING TO BOTHER EXPLAINING.
IT'S A TROLL THING.
AND I'M GLAD I DID IT.
BUT
I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT SOONER.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN LESS OF A WORTHLESS ASSMONGER OF A COWARD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY SHOULD HAVE DONE?
I SHOULD HAVE LET TEREZI BE THE LEADER.
THERE
THAT'S THE JOKE.
I'M A FAILURE AT EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER TRIED TO ACCOMPLISH
I'VE LET DOWN EVERYONE I EVER HAD THE SMALLEST SLIVER OF RESPECT FOR
I'M THE REASON FOR THE DEATH OF AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE AS WELL AS THE PEOPLE I ACTUALLY GAVE A SHIT ABOUT.
HA HA.
I
DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.
I'M DONE.
MEMO OVER I GUESS.












I'M SORRY.

[ karkat will default to replying in text for this post. please say so if you want me to switch to voice for your character. ]

Comments

[glowsferatu]

Karkat I Have No Intention Of Causing You Harm
But Id Like You To Consider My Aspect For A Moment
And Then Tell Me How Effective An Obstacle You Would Be Capable Of Presenting
Should Such An Occasion Arise

[crab]

ARE WE REALLY GOING TO HAVE THIS DISCUSSION
IS THIS SOMETHING THAT IS REALLY TAKING PLACE BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW.
ARE YOU SO INTENT ON KILLING HIM THAT THIS IS A THING THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO PERPETUATE
KANAYA I'M NOT YOUR AUSPISTICE OR YOUR MOIRAIL BUT I'M IMPLORING YOU AS YOUR FRIEND TO SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND THINK FOR A MOMENT.
YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS.

[glowsferatu]

[ and because she is most definitely exactly as mature as she pretends, no doubt whatsoever here, right ]

It Was His Statements Which Initially Caused This

[crab]

JUST BECAUSE HE'S AN UNSTABLE BAG OF CRAP DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE AS WELL.
AND I DON'T THINK YOU NEED ME TO TELL YOU THAT.

[glowsferatu]

[ yeah she's an unstable bag of crap all on her own tbh ]

No But It Does Require Certain Sanctions To Be Prepared
Should Events Unfold In Such A Manner As To Require Them
Hes Dangerous In A Way That Isnt Admirable And I Wont Have Him Spreading That Danger To My Moirail

[somethinglawful]

[and because they are still trapped in this whirling mess of an emotions plot.....]

J3SUS FUCK HOW 4BOUT YOU JUST WORRY 4BOUT YOUR OWN MO1R41L
STOP TRY1NG TO P4C1FY M1N3 YOUV3 DON3 3NOUGH

[crab]

OH MY GOD PLEASE EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT WHILE I TURN AND SCREAM IN THE DIRECTION OF THAT GOD FORSAKEN CITY AND YOU BY ASSOCIATION
WHAT THE PUS COATED HELL DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?
SHE'S THREATENING TO KILL HIM.
AND IN CASE YOU FORGOT WHAT MOIRALLEGIANCE MEANS, IT MEANS I'M NOT ONLY OBLIGATED TO PROTECT ALL OF YOU FROM HIS OUTBURSTS, IT MEANS I'M OBLIGATED TO PROTECT *HIM* FROM ALL OF *YOU*.
MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T CLEARLY QUIVERING LIQUID SHIT AT PACIFYING I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

[somethinglawful]

1M SH1T 4T P4C1FY1NG????
FUCK YOU K4RK4T
4T L34ST 1V3 4CTU4LLY K3PT M1N3 FROM K1LL1NG P3OPL3
1D S4Y YOUV3 DON3 TH3 S4M3 BUT
FUNNY, TH3R3S TH1S HORN SH4P3D SC4R ON MY CH3ST TH4T S4YS YOU H4V3NT

[ok that's just cruel, this karkat wasn't here for that and even if he had been it's not like anybody had the opportunity to stop gamzee at the time...]

[crab]

[ wow, kick him right in the soft parts, why don't you. ]

FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU FOR TYPING THAT.
FUCK YOU FOR ME RECEIVING THAT.
I DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK YOU'D STOOP LOW ENOUGH TO RUB MY FACE IN THAT, BUT YES, THANK YOU FOR PROVING ME WRONG, I WILL HENCEFORTH REDUCE MY RESPECT FOR YOU ACCORDINGLY.
I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THAT.
AND YOU KNOW IT.
AND YOU ALSO KNOW THAT GAMZEE AND KANAYA HAVE INCOMPARABLY DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENTS AND NEEDS.

[somethinglawful]

[yeah well in her opinion he started it!!]

Y34H SO HOW DO3S 4NY OF TH4T G1V3 YOU TH3 R1GHT TO COMM3NT ON MY P4C1FY1NG T3CHN1QU3S
1TS L1K3 YOU L3FT A M1NOR 4SSHOL3 4ND C4M3 B4CK 4S 4 G1G4NT1C SM3LLY G4P1NG ON3
SO CONGR4TUL4T1ONS ON TH4T 4M4Z1NG FUCK1NG 4CCOMPL1SHM3NT

[crab]

MAYBE WHEN INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO CALM HER DOWN
YOU FIRST PLACE ANTAGONIZING BOTH ME AND GAMZEE ON THE TOP OF YOUR PRIORITY LIST
YES, GREAT WORK THERE.
JUST FANTASTIC.
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST IGNORE HIM????
YOU KNEW HE WAS BEING A MORONIC JEALOUS SHIT STRING.

1/2

[somethinglawful]

B3C4US3 1GNOR1NG H1M 4LW4YS 3NDS 1N H1M SN34K1LY M41M1NG OR OUTR1GHT K1LL1NG P3OPL3 1 C4R3 4BOUT???
OR M4YB3 B3C4US3 1 ST1LL K1ND OF H4V3 BL4CK F33L1NGS FOR H1M??
FUCK, 1TS NOT L1K3 1 C4N CONTROL TH3 URG3 TO FL1RT B4CK WH3N H3 G3TS GO1NG

[somethinglawful]

OH FUCK
WHY D1D 1 S4Y TH4T
FORG3T 1 S41D TH4T

[crab]

BLACK FOR GAMZEE, WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE UNWHOLESOME THROBBING ASS TRACTORS.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?????????
HE CANNOT HANDLE A BLACK RELATIONSHIP, HE IS NOT EMOTIONALLY EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THAT KIND OF HATRED
IT'S TOO DANGEROUS
HOW IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WHO INTERACTS WITH HIM FOR MORE THAN TWO FUCKING MINUTES, YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF THIS.
HE'LL KILL YOU. THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, IT'S A STATEMENT.
OH MY GOD, IS THAT WHY HE *DID* KILL YOU, IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED?
AND YOU'RE STILL PURSUING THIS SWOLLEN LEAKING GENITAL GROWTH OF A SENTIMENT WITH HIM?
DO I HAVE TO START PUTTING UP FLYERS READING "AUSPISTICE WANTED, INSANE COLOR SNIFFING BLIND CHICK AND MURDEROUS PSYCHOTIC CLOWN DIPSHIT", IS THAT WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

[somethinglawful]

JUST
FUCK
1M OV3R H1M OK
1 M34N
NOT *OV3R* H1M
BUT 1 W4NT TO B3 SO G3T OFF MY B4CK
B3S1D3S
W3 4LR34DY H4V3 4N 4USP1ST1C3

[crab]

REALLY, I DON'T SEE THEM DOING ANY MEDIATING.
GO AHEAD, POINT THEM OUT.

[somethinglawful]

COULD YOU *B3* 4NY MOR3 OF 4 PR3T3NT1OUS 4SS R1GHT NOW

[glowsferatu]

Perhaps The Problem Doesnt Lie In Her Abilities To Pacify
Which Are Perfectly Effective Thank You Very Much
But In Your Own Moirails Oversensitive Jealousy And Provocation
So Perhaps Instead Of Lecturing Terezi On Matters She Has Well In Hand
You Would Do Better Do Practice Such Maneuvers Yourself

[crab]

[ oh god, he's never fought with kanaya before, this is new and upsetting. why can't they all just stop talking. he doesn't want this. backpedal, backpedal. ]

OK
HERE
I'LL STAY OUT OF YOUR PALE BUSINESS IF YOU DO THE SAME FOR MINE.
BY WHICH I MEAN
STAY AWAY FROM GAMZEE.
AND DON'T MISTAKE THAT FOR CONTENTION
I MEAN STAY AWAY FROM HIM FOR YOUR OWN AND EVERYONE ELSE'S SAFETY.
IF YOU KEEP ENCOURAGING HIM LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN IT'S ONLY GOING TO MAKE MY JOB MORE DIFFICULT.
AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION I HAVE BEEN PRACTISING SUCH MANOEUVRES
AND IF YOU SCROLL UP YOU WILL FIND TEXTUAL EVIDENCE OF THAT FACT
IT'S JUST DIFFICULT WHEN YOU WON'T LET UP WITH THE GODDAMN CHALLENGES AND DEATH THREATS
IT'S NOT EASY TO CALM SOMEONE DOWN WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS ACTIVELY ANTAGONIZING THEM AS YOU DO SO.

[glowsferatu]

Oh Am I The One Supplying The Majority Of The Antagonism In This Scenario
Well I Apologize Profusely
It Certainly Wasnt My Intention To Fail In Accepting Ominous Statements Toward My Moirail From An Individual Whos Brought Her Harm In The Past
!!!!!!!!!!!

[crab]

JLK;LKJFDSKF
OK
OK YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT.
THIS
RIGHT HERE.
HE'S *MY* MOIRAIL.
HE IS *MY* RESPONSIBILITY.
AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF AT LEAST *ONE* PERSON COULD DISPLAY
OH I DON'T KNOW
AN IOTA OF CONFIDENCE IN ME.
MAYBE EVEN A MICROSCOPIC SPECK OF TRUST????????????
AND YOU KNOW, I'D APPRECIATE IT EVEN MORE IF THAT PERSON WAS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.
YOU KNOW THE ONE I'M TALKING ABOUT? I'M SURE YOU DO.
TYPES IN JADE, RAMBLES A LOT, PILLAR OF SANITY AND REASON, HAS A TASTE FOR RAINBOW BLOOD?
BUT NO, GO RIGHT AHEAD AND KEEP ASSUMING I DON'T HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL.
IT'S REALLY ENCOURAGING AND NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT INSULTING.

[glowsferatu]

Might You Consider For Once That I Dont Intend My Anger Towards Him As A Slight Towards Yourself
Ive Given You My Confidence And Trust From The Moment Of Your Arrival
But At The Moment My Mood Is Strained And Perhaps You Might Be Capable Of Appreciating That Fact
Handle This Situation Karkat Please By All Means
But I Dont Want To See Him Communicating With Her Again Unless Its With The Utmost Courtesy
Not For A While At Least

[crab]

WHETHER YOU INTENDED IT THAT WAY OR NOT
IT IS A SLIGHT TOWARDS ME WHEN YOU START THREATENING TO KILL HIM.
AS IF YOU *NEEDED* TO.
AND HONESTLY THAT SORT OF THING JUST WORSENS THE SITUATION.
HE WOULD HAVE SHUT UP AND COME TO FIND ME A LOT SOONER IF YOU HAD LET IT BE.
INSTEAD YOU HAD TO KEEP WINDING HIM UP LIKE A MURDEROUS INDIGO JACK IN THE BOX. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW ESCALATION WORKS? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HELPING TO PERPETUATE, RIGHT NOW. THE FOUR OF US ARE CURRENTLY ROCKETING UP THE SHITTY, RICKETY STAIRCASE OF STUPENDOUS SAVAGERY WITH RECKLESS ABANDON.
THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A SERIOUS ISSUE, BUT IT WILL BE IF YOU MAKE IT ONE.
AND
MIGHT YOU CONSIDER THE FACT THAT I DON'T REALLY GET OFF ON SEEING MY MOIRAIL'S LIFE MENACED EITHER.
YOU'RE KIND OF PUTTING ME IN A REALLY AWKWARD POSITION HERE.

[glowsferatu]

Hes Been In My Dreams Karkat
Soiling It With His Nightmares
Hed Done The Same With Jade

[crab]

THEN I'LL DEAL WITH THAT.
THIS ISN'T YOUR ISSUE TO SOLVE.
HE ISN'T YOUR OBLIGATION.
PLEASE
JUST LEAVE THIS ONE TO ME, OK?