voice;

[amoray]

[he doesn't start speaking right as the feed starts! there's a solid second or two of eridan trying to find his train of thought, the occasional heavy, expectant breath or two the only signs of his false starts.]

Well, Mexico was a shipload a fun. Don't know about anybody else's impromptu as fuck abscondin'.

Not my point of makin' this point though, so listen up, landlubbers.

[there is a decided lack of flair in eridan's voice, despite the (sharp, direct) pun/nautical reference or two. he's purposeful.]

They say they're cuttin' me loose soon, probably on account a my bein' such a charminly well-behawed prisoner and all. Due to personal circumstances, I'll be needin' to get a few affairs in order before my date a release.

I need a place to liwe, a tutor for the upcomin' schoolfeedin' year, and hopefully enough, some manner a profession. If you're willin' to hire a sewen solar sweep year old like myself, a course, don't want to go about misleadin' folk. Lyin' to 'em. Suchlike.

[a stale beat.]

No nosy hiwemates. Roommates, whatewer. I don't fuckin' like most a you and I probably won't giwe a shit about your problems, so keep your cartilage nubs outta mine. I got more than enough beetles in my coffers to keep me afloat for a while, so rent ain't gonna be an issue. Probably.

[a beat. he sounds like he means to say something dramatic or heartfelt to top off his posts like usual, and then:]

Preferably cat friendly. But I'm flexible.

Comments

[enigmaestro]

I never directly lie, Eridan. And I'm more than eager to speak in complete sentences for your numerous falsehoods.

voice

[amoray]

I'm not goin' to wery well let losin' what I thought was my lifelong platonic soulmate get to me too much or anythin'. It'd be lettin' him win if I snapped and tore his fuckin' throat out or somethin' such.

Maybe I'll take up crimefightin'.

[crab]

YOU ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY AWFUL.
I KNEW TRYING TO HELP YOU WAS THE MOST POINTLESS FUCKING IDEA I'D EVER CONSIDERED.
YOU DON'T DESERVE HELP. YOU DON'T ACCEPT HELP.
YOU DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE IT WHEN IT'S OFFERED.
THAT WAS YOUR LAST CHANCE, ERIDAN.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER, *EVER* EXPEND MY VALUABLE TIME AND ENERGY ATTEMPTING TO COUNSEL YOU ON "HOW NOT TO BE A PUS EXCRETING BLIGHT ON THE RAW, SMARTING ASS RASH OF ANYONE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO ASSOCIATE WITH YOU".
THAT'S IT. KARKAT'S SCHOOLHIVE HAS CLOSED.
YOU FAILED EACH AND EVERY LESSON SO HARD ALL THE HIVEMASTERS HAD TO CHECK THEMSELVES INTO THERAPY IN ORDER TO COPE WITH THE TRAUMATIC AMOUNTS OF STUPIDITY THEY WERE EXPOSED TO.
THEIR NIGHTS ARE SLEEPLESS WITH REMEMBERING THE APPALLING ORDEAL THAT WAS TRYING TO TEACH ERIDAN WHAT EMPATHY IS.

[amoray]

Lies a omission, twistin' words, same fuckin' difference. I bet ewerybody would pay a lot more attention to your wordin' if they knew how much shit you pull on a regular basis.

[beat. malevolently:]

Or any a those secrets I been keepin' for you, moirail a mine.

voice

[acrossyourpath]

Crimefighting. That's a little drastic.

I meant more like where are you going to live?

[enigmaestro]

[A bitter pause. Eridan had him there, and they both knew it. When he spoke, it was quiet and measured.]

Ex-moirail.

Don't exaggerate, Eridan Ampora.

voice

[amoray]

It was a joke, Fel. Ewerybody knows I can't fuckin' stand wigilantes. Since, you know, they'we tortured and murdered me now and all.

And I dunno. Ed didn't really giwe me a whole lotta time to sort this shit out before he threw me out on my ass, figuratiwely and otherwise. Throw in this shitwreck of a Porter malfunction and I'm still scramblin' to catch up.

Worst comes to worst, I'll just go liwe in the Titanic wreck or somethin'. Quen'll take care a my cat.

permavideo

[ankhs]

Have you considered the newspapers? You could put up an ad or see if you can find something you like!

[ a beat and she wiggles her fingers in a wave ]

Congratulations on your release, by the way!

[amoray]

Ex. A course. It ain't like you hawen't replaced me already or anythin'.

[he knows he has eddie, he knows he holds fate in his hands just as sure as he did when he held his rifle to the throats of his flarp victims, but it isn't satisfying.

eridan can't help but somehow blame eddie for that lack of victory.]

I got you by the tail, Nygma. You and I know it.

[enigmaestro]

One would assume that someone in such an apparent upperhanded position would begin to make demands.

And yet, I hear nothing.

voice

[acrossyourpath]

I guessed. How desperate would you have to be?

[ Trying to be neutral. ]

You do have some time to figure it out.

[amoray]

I don't want your fuckin' handouts.

I just want the satisfaction a knowin' that you know I got your life in my hands.

voice

[amoray]

Fortnight. Somethin' such.

Don't worry, Fel, I'm self-sufficient. Did just fine on my own before I got here.

pretend this is surprised instead of (unsure)

[amoray]

[THE ONLY ONE WHO CONGRATULATED HIM SOBS]

...Uh, thanks. Di.

Figured you'd hawe more important shit to do than glub at me, though.

[amoray]

If you want to treat 'em decent. I mean, I guess you could go for the second rate shit, but you ain't giwin' 'em the best you could.

[enigmaestro]

Great. Lovely.

Satisfied yet?

[amoray]

[no.]

Sure.

I want Ninnian when I get out.

[amoray]

like i fuckin need empathy anywway look wwhere it fuckin got you
DEAD
evverybodys out for themselvves in the end kar people are goin to turn on you and stab you in the fuckin back so nevver lean on em for anythin
and if you for some reason really do need somethin from em just pull it off their corpse
thats howw its alwways wworked youre just too busy sobbin into your fuckin make believve leadership shit to realize it

[enigmaestro]

Congratulating you on your release wasn't enough, now you want the cat as additional acknowledgment? We've already discussed his terms.

[amoray]

He's my cat, not yours. I'm gettin' him back.

[enigmaestro]

Falsehood.

[amoray]

If you ain't giwin' him back, I'm takin' him back.

Your choice.

[enigmaestro]

You assume I still have him.

[amoray]

I sure hope you do. Otherwise I'm gonna be breakin' into your house for nothin'.

[enigmaestro]

Well, I'm really glad you confessed that over the Network. Won't it be interesting if you do indeed, and that affects your probational evaluation?

Documented intention and all.