✈ voice ✈

[ex_backstab594]

[The noise of wind whistling, quite loud, like the recorder is up somewhere high, with the very faint sounds of traffic down below. The comm is registered to "Marc Brut".

Starscream has been in the City for several hours, now. Hours of not posting with distressed vocalizations or angry threats, no demands. No begging for help. Hours of holding himself back from emotional systems collapse while he maneuvers the demands of an entirely new universe is no mean feat, but he doesn't expect a medal (it'd be nice though).

For a moment there's only a soft tapping, and then a voice, pitched evenly with rehearsed-sounding tones. Edged calm. Keeping things level, but under the veneer is the shadow of distress.]

I propose an informational bartering session, with whoever is on the Network--with whoever can speak to me who is in charge.

I - have invaluable data. You won't be disappointed.

[a few moments pass in silence, and then he ends the post. But a minute later, he's clicking it back on, unable to resist the urge to add]

And if you're ignoring my hails on purpose, you know who you are, so help me--!

[hanging up again hastily before he wrecks everything]

Comments

[ex_backstab594]

I never flatter. [this is purred, silky soft] But if you remain unaware of your virtues it's best that I continue... elucidating.

[totally unaware, picks up one of the fruits--an orange, staring at it quietly. He has no idea how to eat this. Maybe if he gives one to the cat, it'll eat it for him and he can look generous and learn how this scrap works at the same time]

Aurex. Here, girl.

[notyourchauffeur]

Mmmhmmm.


[Suck up.

He walks over, gently takes the orange and replaces it with a cat-treat, pulling Starscream's hand down, palm open so the cat can reach. She walks over, sniffs at it and snatches it, scampering off.]

See? There, you've made a friend.

[He casually leans back, peeling the orange and pulling a section off.]

Here. Put this in your mouth and chew.

[ex_backstab594]

[ugh what oh--oh, all right. The cat eats specific organic stuff this is complicated but he can handle it.]

Yes, well, I doubt the cat will be much good against Decepticon retaliation. [just loosely alluding to using a cat as a meatshield against Megatron. He puts the slice of orange into his mouth, rather intelligently adding]

Mmfg.

[experimentally chewing. Well it's citrusy. And oddly pleasant. Especially since he was prepared for something grotesque and miserable so he could whine about it.] Wh'gh'cahh'ihs? [pointing at the orange for identification's sake so he can demand another one later]

[notyourchauffeur]

Starscream.

[A beat.]

She's a cat. [He just shakes his head and has the other half of the orange.]

This is an orange.

[He points at a plate of fruit he'd been slicing.]

Those are strawberries, raspberries, apples, bananas and mango.

[ex_backstab594]

Haha. No wonder these organics haven't advanced hardly at all, technologically. They're too busy naming their sustenance. [humans let Screamer show you how it's done ok, first you just have to figure out how to live on, be powered by, utilize in all your weapon and explosive and fuel sources, one single thing

THEN YOU WASTE THE THING UNTIL IT'S ALL GONE]

Hmm. [he goes for a banana slice next, adding] Exactly how much of this do I have to eat to stay alive?

[notyourchauffeur]

Human fuel comes in way more varieties than ours.

[He strokes a hand over his chin, thinking.]

Three meals a day is the suggested amount. But you can't just have fruit, you need a balanced diet of various nutrients.

Or you'll get diseases.

[ex_backstab594]

...What kind of diseases. [oh sweet spark why do humans exist why is this a thing he has to do. He chews up the banana slice cautiously. Is this going to react badly with the orange...]

You don't have decontamination baths in this ... "apartment" of yours.

[notyourchauffeur]

Oh there are all kinds of diseases you can get if you do not keep clean and healthy.

[He shakes his head slowly.]

Mmm... we have a bath tub, yes.

Come to think of it you could probably use one.

[Maybe you smell.]

[ex_backstab594]

[the slow creeping flush is back] What? --I... [embarrassment is something he has in spades, quietly] Yes, well. I'll--take care of it. [SOMEHOW. He starts shuffling towards the living room again and shrugging at his coat uncertainly, before stopping. If he were the type to burst into helpless overload fluid leakage from his optics THAT'S WHAT HE'D BE DOING. But since he's not he just kind of stops and puts a hand to his temple. Baby's first headache.]

[notyourchauffeur]

[Sigh.

He's so helpless. Skyfire follows him after a moment and puts the plate of food on the counter should he want it later.

A hand rests on Starscream's shoulder and he gently pushes him toward the hall.]

Come on.

[ex_backstab594]

[he's not going to convince Skyfire he has better things to do than help him learn to swim in the deep end of the organic pool, even if it is mortifying to be this way, to feel like a youth with all the awareness and experience and ego of an older Seeker. He rubs his neck.]

I'll learn quickly. [said like a plea and a promise, with a hair of defensiveness, like he's trying to remind the other he's not a total scrapheap at everything he does. Glancing over--kind of relieved, when he semi-recognizes the room as kind of looking like a decontamination chamber is supposed to look. Almost. And moving in, glancing at himself in the mirror and doing an alarmed doubletake.] ...By the Allspark, this is going to take so much getting used to.

[notyourchauffeur]

Mmmhm.


[Don't mind him, he's just going to lean in the doorway and see how long it takes you to need help.]

[ex_backstab594]

[he knows a challenge when he sees one. And he's shrugging at his jacket and pulling it off, figuring it's probably not kosher to get fluid on that, right? Eying him. Then glancing down again. He's totally dressed, his human form has a preset clothes...thing... and he's not sure how it all comes off. If he had his claws he's just rip that shit off but he doesn't, so he's struggling to climb out of the shirt for a good twenty seconds before he impatiently looks over again.] Don't just stand there. This--thing--needs two people to remove it, clearly.

[notyourchauffeur]

[Well that was fast. He shakes his head, wanders over and smiles gently.]

Arms up.

[Once he's been heeded he lifts the shirt off and grabs his belt, pulling it loose so he can pull his pants down.

Shy? Please. He's not particularly attracted to humans, and the implications aren't exactly first and foremost. He hangs out naked all the time. Clothes suck.]

[ex_backstab594]

[Screamer has spent his entire existence of eons' worth naked, and he can't say he's ever given a thought to concealing anything that isn't sensitive internal equipment, though he does avoid looking at the mirror because the more clothes he takes off the more obvious it is that his human body is drastically different from his robot one.

Ugh there are layers why are there layers.

When he's done he looks down at himself with a critical air, not exactly sure what to look for, but quite sure he could do better. He doesn't feel sleek or aerodynamic at all, he feels clumsy and in dire need of a complete recalibration. Still thinking like a robot clothed in human flesh, he casts a look around the bathroom like the haughty BSer he is.]

All right. Now what?

[notyourchauffeur]

[Skyfire is actually distracted, inspecting him, because-]

You look starved... thin. I can see your ribs.

[He gently presses his fingers in to his sides to feel the bones just below the surface.]

We'll have a lot of work to do.

Anyways, get into the tub.

[He points at the bathtub before moving to plug it up and turn the water on.]

[ex_backstab594]

[There's the slightest jerk of surprise at being touched like that, glancing down again. Aware of the ribstru--the ribs, now that they've been pointed out to him.]

How can you tell? [nevermind, nevermind--he can probably tell. He dubiously goes over to stand by the tub, eying it as it fills like someone might eye a pit of snakes. But it probably won't be so bad, right?

He gingerly gets in, sitting down and immediately feeling ridiculous again.]

How often is this ritual necessary?

[notyourchauffeur]

Every day.

[He turns the water on a bit warmer. Quietly, behind him, Starscream (the duck), wanders in and quacks plaintively at his "mother", who shortly picks him up and hands him to his namesake.]

Sorry, here, hold him. He wants to be in the water.

[He's busy getting a sponge and some shampoo.]

[ex_backstab594]

[oh great it's dangerous to go alone so now he has a duck. Up close and personal, the lame duck seems even more pathetic, though it's hard to tell between them which of them is worse off at the moment. He clasps baby Starscream against his chest to keep the thing from falling out of his hands and making Skyfire flip out or something.] Can he fly?

[because this whole thing is tragic and his namesake reflects so poorly on him. After a moment he lowers the duck into the water a little cautiously and grabs onto the edge of the tub, leaning over] Are you going to be cleaning me? [this said with a slight smugness. That's more like it, doting on him. Treating him like Primus's gift to existence, just as it should be.]

[notyourchauffeur]

He can. I fly all the ducks south each winter.

[The duck bobs happily on the water and Skyfire returns with a few bottles and a scrub-brush.]

Since you seem fairly incapable, yes.

Hold still.

[Because he's filling a bowl with some water and dumping it over your head.]

[ex_backstab594]

[immediately the smugness evaporates, and he's sputtering and making waves and a huge fuss] What--are you--[so flabbergasted, water dripping off the end of his nose and his impressive eyebrows knit in a scowl, not sure what to address first, but determined to make this clear.] I am not incapable.

[notyourchauffeur]

"This obviously requires two people!" [Skyfire echoes, doing his best "Starscream voice" as he squirts some shampoo onto his head and starts working it into a lather with his fingers.]

[ex_backstab594]

[grabbing at his wrist, looking up at him like a drowned rat for a brief second, grates out with each word deliberate] I'm. Learning.

You are instructing me.

[notyourchauffeur]

Oh of course.

Now hush up and close your eyes.

[Another bowl of water over your head to wash the suds out.]

[ex_backstab594]

[he's ready for it this time, at least, closing his eyes and scooting back in the tub a little as he paws at his own hair, to push it back away from his face.] Doing this every single day seems tiresome. I have far larger concerns than washing topsoil off a frame that's already falling apart from shoddy construction.