voice; 002 ☽

[nitidus]

Good afternoon. I hope that those of you who are enjoying lunch will forgive me for this bizarre and unprompted broadcast. I have a rather odd predicament, however. I suppose I am seeking help on behalf of my older brother. Some of you will know him as That Insufferable Shit. Others will know him simply as Dave.

He has reached that point in his life wherein he has ... suitors.

[Thought it cannot be seen, Rose is cracking her knuckles. She is smiling. There is a tome on a meteor defiled with dicks and a wound in her pride that she is a "terrible" match-maker. It's absurd. ]

Some of you may even be one these suitors! Perhaps listening to this you have the sudden notion that you would like to be one of these suitors. If you are over the age of sixteen, however, I must ask that you hold your feelings at bay. I am only dealing in legal matters of the heart. The scandal of a "pimp daddy" or "sugar mama" will only leave Dave with a sullied reputation.

[She clears her throat. ]

If you are unaware of what Dave looks like, I am attaching a helpful array of candid images to showcase him in the most positive light I can.

-- attached files:
ACoolKid.png Dave looking dashingly "cool".
ASulkyKid.png Dave upon not getting his way. Notice his adorable dimples.
ASleepingKid.png Dave, taking a nap. Notice how he remains "cool" even in slumber.
AnAngryKid.png Dave telling me to fuck off. He did not mean it. ---

I thought to settle this diplomatically. If you wish to win a date with my brother, the bidding will start at ten dollars. The highest bidder will be awarded with a chance to "get to know" my beloved older brother. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness, after all.

[She sounds entirely sincere. There is a pause. It is very dramatic.]

That was a joke. I would prefer if you laid your intentions down clearly so that I may review them with a keen eye.

On another matter entirely, I am considering enrolling into school. I would appreciate first hand encounters and tales of its halls.



--
When you are married with four beautiful children, all of whom I will name on your behalf, you will thank me. If you are red faced at this moment, either from anger or embarrassment, I suggest you think upon the dozens of "bitches" who will be queuing up to check out your "choice ass".

art is by soullux!

Comments

private.

[glowsferatu]

Of Course Not
Thats What You Have Me For

private.

[nitidus]

Of course.

private.

[glowsferatu]

He Has The Wisdom To Allow Himself Internal Doubts
Tempered Unfortunately With The Tendency To Allow These Doubts To Overwhelm Him
You However Require An External Source For This Doubt
Preferably From Someone Who Does Not Fear The Threat You Could Potentially Present Enough To Shy From It
It Can Be Quite A Thing To Witness Until Someone Is Hurt As A Result

[ probably also someone who isn't so fond of the danger that she'd never bother putting an end to it ]

private.

[nitidus]

Do you think I'm dangerous, Kanaya?

private.

[glowsferatu]

Ive Told You Before That I Believe You To Be So
You Have Yet To Convince Me Of The Truth Being Otherwise

[nitidus]

Why ruin a perfectly good reputation?

[glowsferatu]

And I Would Have It No Other Way
Should You Suddenly Become Tame It May Risk My Disappointment

[nitidus]

Then consider this a disappointment you will never have to face.

[glowsferatu]

And In Return You Can Take It For Granted That I Will Give You Not A Moments Peace As It Continues
This Is Only The Proper Way For Such Matters To Progress

[nitidus]

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[glowsferatu]

How Fitting An Arrangement That It Should Be So Mutually Agreed Upon
Clearly There Is No Alternative

[nitidus]

Fortunately, I am only silly on rare occasions.

[glowsferatu]

But Of Course
The Rarity In The Maneuver Ensures Its Appreciation
Should You Practice With A Greater Frequency Then We Would All Just Accept It As A Usual Matter
With Little To Grant It Special Regard

[nitidus]

You are sassing me again.

[glowsferatu]

Am I
I Suppose My Fingers May Have Slipped It Can Be So Difficult To Reign In
The Sentiment Is At Least Partly Genuine
Or Would It Be Better Labelled As Suspicion

[nitidus]

I am entirely unsurprised.

[glowsferatu]

And It Must Be So Terrible Of Me To Display Such A Predictability To You

[nitidus]

It's comforting.

[glowsferatu]

There Would Be Little Purpose To The Routine Otherwise

[nitidus]

Routine makes it sound so mundane.

[glowsferatu]

More As A Result Of Association Than Any Inherent Quality
Remember That A Routine Can Also Refer To A Performance
Perhaps I Was Utilizing Such Language To Invoke The Imagery Of Two Dancers Moving In A Harmony Which Could Only Be Described As Expert

[nitidus]

Well, that is perhaps the most poetic thing I have heard all day.

[glowsferatu]

You See There Need Be Nothing Mundane In The Idea Of A Routine
The Term Is Applied Rather Aptly In My Consideration

[nitidus]

Perhaps we ought to get some music and dance, then.

[glowsferatu]

And Render The Metaphor Into A More Literal Realm You Mean
I Suppose We Could Attempt It But I Should Warn You That Im Not The Most Skilled Dancer