voice; 002 ☽

[nitidus]

Good afternoon. I hope that those of you who are enjoying lunch will forgive me for this bizarre and unprompted broadcast. I have a rather odd predicament, however. I suppose I am seeking help on behalf of my older brother. Some of you will know him as That Insufferable Shit. Others will know him simply as Dave.

He has reached that point in his life wherein he has ... suitors.

[Thought it cannot be seen, Rose is cracking her knuckles. She is smiling. There is a tome on a meteor defiled with dicks and a wound in her pride that she is a "terrible" match-maker. It's absurd. ]

Some of you may even be one these suitors! Perhaps listening to this you have the sudden notion that you would like to be one of these suitors. If you are over the age of sixteen, however, I must ask that you hold your feelings at bay. I am only dealing in legal matters of the heart. The scandal of a "pimp daddy" or "sugar mama" will only leave Dave with a sullied reputation.

[She clears her throat. ]

If you are unaware of what Dave looks like, I am attaching a helpful array of candid images to showcase him in the most positive light I can.

-- attached files:
ACoolKid.png Dave looking dashingly "cool".
ASulkyKid.png Dave upon not getting his way. Notice his adorable dimples.
ASleepingKid.png Dave, taking a nap. Notice how he remains "cool" even in slumber.
AnAngryKid.png Dave telling me to fuck off. He did not mean it. ---

I thought to settle this diplomatically. If you wish to win a date with my brother, the bidding will start at ten dollars. The highest bidder will be awarded with a chance to "get to know" my beloved older brother. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness, after all.

[She sounds entirely sincere. There is a pause. It is very dramatic.]

That was a joke. I would prefer if you laid your intentions down clearly so that I may review them with a keen eye.

On another matter entirely, I am considering enrolling into school. I would appreciate first hand encounters and tales of its halls.



--
When you are married with four beautiful children, all of whom I will name on your behalf, you will thank me. If you are red faced at this moment, either from anger or embarrassment, I suggest you think upon the dozens of "bitches" who will be queuing up to check out your "choice ass".

art is by soullux!

Comments

[nitidus]

Nostalgia purposes, mostly.

[foreverbouncing]

...What?

[nitidus]

When I said I hadn't been in school, it was because I couldn't. It no longer exists, back home.

[foreverbouncing]

...Oh. Sorry.

Well, Xavier's can be pretty cool. The Danger room is a lot of fun and power training too, sometimes. And martial arts. Pretty much all the stuff that's not classes. [She grins.]

[nitidus]

It's alright.

Oh -- it sounds much better than my last school, at leats.

[foreverbouncing]

I pretty much hated school my whole life. But I liked Xavier's. 'Cept, you know, for homework and stuff.

[nitidus]

Homework is a universal constant, I'm afraid.

[foreverbouncing]

Sure, and so is my hate for it. [Charlie doesn't sound like she could hate anything, though.]

[nitidus]

[She laughs, the noise muffled as though she is trying to keep it down. ]

I don't mind it.

[foreverbouncing]

Well, that's...okay, I don't get that but hey, to each their own, right?

[nitidus]

Exactly! I find it occupies free time.

[foreverbouncing]

Yeah I guess.

So you talk to anybody at the school yet? About goin' and stuff?

[nitidus]

Not yet. I suppose I should get a move on, though. It's getting close.

[foreverbouncing]

More time than I've got, but yeah!

You want me to show you around or somethin'? I know the place by heart, pretty much.

[nitidus]

Oh -- would you? I wouldn't like to impose.

[foreverbouncing]

Hey, once less afternoon I can stop freaking out about college!

[nitidus]

Then, yes. I would love to.

[foreverbouncing]

Okay, awesome. Just let me know when you wanna go and I'll bounce over and meet you, alright?

[nitidus]

Thank you. If I somehow forget, please assume my brothers revenge was so severe that I locked myself away in my room, too out-done to show myself in public.

I think during the week might be best, actually. Is that alright?