capeandcowl | voice

Entry tags:

lillian crawley-jeffries | diamond lil

voice

Hey.

Hey.

[ The bang of a door slamming open, then traffic, people. ]

Y'know what? A girl gets sick an' tired a'being hauled around like garbage t'do the dirty work of a stupid machine. I ain't answerin' t'that scrap heap a'metal, and there's nothin' anybody can do t'change my mind.

I'm Diamond Lil. Mechanical cow can kiss my diamond --

[ A taxi horn blares. There's a clattering sound, like something metal -- a trashcan, maybe, or a bench -- just got kicked over. Surprised murmurs in the background. ]

At least you coulda teleported me t'the right damn country!

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[ in her head, she's got her mantra going: she's diamond lil, nothing can hurt her, and she'll be damned if she lets anyone see how afraid she is of her own death. this is worse than the tumor was. she'd be afraid of the cancer, but she'd hoped, and there was always the chance that everything would be fine -- but this. this is real and inevitable.

she lets him take her hand. her grip is unconsciously tight. it betrays her fear, even if her strong face doesn't when she meets his eyes.

it's all so fucking unfair. how is she supposed to cope with this? how? frustration tinges her voice. ]

It wasn't suppose t'be like that. None of it. When I married you, I thought we were gonna grow old together, not go through all the shit we went through jus' so I could -- [ she has to force herself to say it: ] Die jus' when things were goin' right.

[ his fingers flex under her firm grip. the reality of this situation is becoming all the more present in the way (she's so strong, but).

he can't imagine what she must be feeling right now; maybe he should be ashamed of that. ]

Y'can't just think about it like that. It can't just be an end, right there, y'know it don't mean anythin's impossible.

[ even though it's hard, even though it's painful and awful he tries look hopeful, brighten up despite red-rimmed eyes and his struggling tone. ]

Heather, Mac, Marrina, Michael―they all came back, Lil. A'while after y'were gone, they all got pulled back from god knows.

[ his thumb strokes over her hand. ]

They're okay. It ain't unreasonable to think you'll have a second chance.

[ her grip must be bruising. she's dealing with this the only way she really knows how -- to be angry at it, because she hates that feeling of being powerless. helpless. ]

That doesn't make it better. I don't wanna accept that I'm gonna die when I go back on account a'the chance I might be brought back someday-- [ the more times she says it out loud, the more real it seems and the more frustrated she gets. ] What if it's for good, then what? Y'really believe someday you're gonna wake up an' I'll jus' be there again, like nothin' happened?

[ it's not fair that he feels powerless to this, that he can't magically make everything okay or at the least make her okay with the world again.

he tries, anyway: ]

All I'm sayin' is that I'm not going to lose hope. I'm not gonna discount any a' the possibilities and give myself heartache in the process. And if it's for good... [ there's no easy way to say any of this. there's no easy way to go 'then you're dead and i'm sorry.' ] ...I'm gonna go someday, probably not far'n the future. It happens, Lil. It's a shame. But it happens.

[ the truth is she just doesn't feel ready. she doesn't want to accept it -- even though she knows she'll have to. in a way, it's already happened, and there's no stopping it. she can't control it. when she goes home from this place, she'll be going home to die.

finally, she lets go of him, withdrawing and crossing her arms again in a way that's less angry than before and more almost protective.

in a quieter, but no less resentful tone: ]

So, what then, after I die, you an' the crazy 'bot...?

[ he'd like to reach for her, to hold her and keep telling her ad nauseum that everything's fine and alright here and that's all that matters, but there's something rooting his feet down and stopping him. shame, maybe. his expression and body language quickly pass from depressed and pained to uncomfortable and aloof. ]

Yeah? We only became an, uh. An item, a good while after it all happened.

[ the plea is already tumbling out of his mouth before he even realizes how out of line he is. ]

Can you cut her some slack?

[ and her response comes sharply before she can even really think about the words -- her jealousy and her temper are so reflexive, she can't stop it even if she wanted to. ]

After she threatened t'destroy me? You give me one good reason I shouldn't dismantle that damn mouthy piece a'scrap metal down to the bolts. If y'think I'm gonna let a 'bot mess with my marriage again, you've got another thing comin'.

Look, she don't. She ain't gonna ruin' nothin'. Just overwhelmed, is all.

[ as he babbles, he shrinks back from her. even little fearfully. ]

The gal ain't even a person! [ it feels like betrayal if he doesn't cobble up a futile defense of her. ] Bad external stimuli mean fried circuits and emergence a' bad programmin' a-and y'can't blame her for it. Not really. Y'don't gotta go after her.

[ she doesn't understand half of what he's saying, but she does see what he's trying to do. she's a woman, after all, and not a particularly nice one either. especially not when it comes to competition. ]

Defendin' the psychotic 'bot that threatened your wife ain't helpin' anybody's case. I swear, if she even looks at me wrong --

I'm not―she ain't―!

[ speaking in increasing exasperation, the feeling of not only fighting but fighting a losing battle is taking a firm grip. there's obviously nothing he can do. getting harangued isn't helping things. ]

What, y'want me to talk her down? Talk t'her at all?

[ she might feel guilty about it later. she does, after all, love her husband. but right now, she's pissed and she's raging, and nothing else will matter until later, when she rages herself out. it feels better to be angry about this -- it's better than the fear and uncertainty she faced minutes before.

it's blatantly bitchy when she replies. ]

What, y'can't just reprogram her not t'be crazy an' obsessed?

[ and he snaps back with tangible horror. ]

Y'have any idea how wrong that is? That's like [ he gestures wildly. ] askin' a telepath t'mentally lobotomize someone. C'mon, Lil. I'm not gonna do that.

[ she gestures back in frustration. ]

It ain't the same 'cause she ain't a person. You gonna get upset if someone adjusts a thermostat or changes the damn TV channel?

If it's a sentient thermostat, y'damn right I am.

[ he's all huffing and puffing at this point, visibly aggravated. ]

I'm not gonna do wrong t'her and that final, okay? If it's that much of a problem, maybe you should exchange some words with her.

[ she can't explain why that makes her so angry. maybe it's a little deja vu. she was always sensitive about the damn robot thing. ]

Fine. Maybe I will! But I'll guarantee we won't jus' be exchangin' words.

[ wonderful. he created a horrible rivalry through sheer existence.

firmly: ]

Maybe it don't matter, but I'd appreciate it if y'both wouldn't wreck each other.

[ in a way that borders on haughty: ]

Maybe you forgot, hon, but you married Diamond Lil. Takes more than a pissy robot t'hurt me.

[ and he just, point blank, gives off a laugh in his sheer disbelief. ]

She ain't gonna hurt you! Nobody's hurtin' anyone and. [ he tries again. ] And maybe it'd pay t'stop bein' so dramatic about this.

[ she sort of stares for a long moment, like she can't believe he doesn't understand why this is important and why she's offended. ]

Y'think I'm bein' dramatic?

[ she is. but that isn't the point, it's not. not to her. she doesn't give a damn if anyone else thinks she's being unreasonable. she prods him roughly with her index finger, just over the heart. ]

Am I'm supposed t'be okay with all'a this? Sometimes I don't think you still got human feelin's in there, Madison Jeffries.

[ sometimes he doesn't think he's still got human feelings in there either, but he bites his tongue before he stupidly mentions it. the "i feel more like a machine than a person" speech probably won't go as smoothly with lil as it did with danger. somehow. it's a head-scratcher.

anyway, he's leaning away from her accusing jab. ]

Y'don't gotta be okay with it, but you're both gonna hurt yourselves at this rate. Y'shouldn't.

[ she makes a frustrated noise, pointedly glancing away from him in that way that women do, when they want you to understand just how upset they are. her arms fold over her chest again. ]

Y'wouldn't understand, would you? No, 'course not. On account of everyone's always fought over you an' not the other way around.

[ she shakes her head a little. ]

Danger's lucky she ain't a real person with real feelin's, otherwise I might have t'feel sorry for her.

[ she's right about never fighting, he knows she's right. but he's brushing her off. ]

Yeah, 'cuz if she didn't have real feelin's she'd be spoutin' them words at you.

[ he sighs. ]

Threats, whatever.

[ being brushed off just irritates her more. ]

If I had a dime for every time you an' me fought over robots, maybe I'd be rich instead of dead. I couldn'tve married someone with a normal bad habit, like alcohol or cigarettes. It jus' had t'be robots.

I don't care why she's threatenin' me -- [ not entirely true. some of the things danger said to her still stick in her head, partially unnerving and partially aggravating. ] -- but I don't tolerate threats none. I wouldn't take 'em from Heather Hudson, an' I sure as hell won't take it from her.

[ that uncertainty of how to approach this (and maybe her death would prove to be a less divisive subject, he's not sure) and the need to explain everything, now that he's talking. he probably says too much. ]

Yknow, it ain't the same as with... with Heather, or. [ he pushes: ] Or any other woman, a-and. That's the thing, Lil. I don't think I could fall for another livin' woman, aside from you. You're the only one I can really, aah. Think. About.

[ very, very slowly: ]

That's why... the robot thing...

[ honestly, she wants to stay angry about all this, if only because that's a comfortable space for her -- anger. in a way, anger makes her feel just as protected as her invulnerability does. and this situation has all the ingredients of a situation that royally pisses her off. robots, marriage, the works.

she isn't sure exactly why what he says defuses her a little. maybe she can blame it on just being damn tired. news of a girls' imminent death will do that to her. ]

Hon, that ain't healthy. [ she sounds a little testy, but hey, it's better than outright fury, right? with an exasperated sigh: ] What am I gonna do with you, Madison Jeffries?

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