capeandcowl | voice;

Entry tags:

eridan ampora | prince of hope

voice;

So what are you gonna do when they outlaw all that superheroin' nonsense you all lowe so damn much?

[to his credit, he's trying to sound grave. (it isn't working.)]

We take this - and we're goin' to, since we got such big pushers for mustard-bellied diplomacy in charge around here - they ain't gonna be satisfied 'til they got us all on leashes. And at the first signs a dissent, they're gonna hang us by 'em. I sure hope you lot can handle the usage a our powers bein' a criminal offense, since that's the next thing to go. A Wulcanus gun in ewery Natiwe hand and a trackin' chip in ewery filthy imPort, right?

[a ~~theatrical~~ pause. contrary to his usual habit of getting worked up in his tirades, eridan's been very calm (albeit smug in his "my unreasonable paranoia was entirely justified" kind of way) but no less intense throughout.]

We start goin quietly into that good fuckin' nocturnal phase and we aint newer gonna stop.

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[he snorts. so rude.]

Yeah, sure.

Fact a the matter bein' that I'm right. Unless we do somethin', we're fucked.

Don't you think that if you start flouncing around swishing your assrag of a cape and causing unbridled mayhem that that might give them the excuse they fucking need to fuck us over? That that might- maybe -exacerbate the problem? Or are you too busy being a-- [ he clamps his teeth down on his tongue to prevent himself from finishing that sentence.

he takes a few deep breaths, attempting to steady himself. don't fly off the handle. ]

What "something" are you thinking of doing?

Edited 2012-08-11 22:53 (UTC)

What the fuck is up with you today, Kar?

[NOT GOIN 2 TAKE THIS]

First you're suckin' up all suspicious like, and now you're rippin' into me like usual again. Why don't you fuckin' pick one?

[ fuck he isn't cut out for this. ]

I'm trying to have a conversation with you wherein the two of us don't immediately start dousing the other's face in caustic, boiling hate acid, is it so much to ask that you be less of a overwhelming tool for three seconds so I don't lose my tenuous, desperate grasp on my composure, here?

[ well. that's honest enough. maybe if he keeps their conversation public he won't even have to directly feed eridan's words to eddie, and. maybe he won't have to feel so shitty about this. and maybe oinkbeasts will fly. ]

When has tryin' that ewer worked?

[BECAUSE LAST TIME YOU ENDED UP DEAD, he almost says, but common sense briefly prevails!!]

We're just about as goddamn contentious as two platonic brinesuckers can manage, Kar.

[airquoting "platonic"]

[ AGAIN WITH THE BLACKROM REALLY ERIDAN. ]

Fine! [ dragging his hands down his face. ] Then we can be contentious, if that's the way you want to slice it, just don't throw a tantrum and hang up on me, you puffed up, prissy shithead! I just need you to talk to me.

What in the fuck could you possibly hawe to talk to me about?

Uh.

[ shit. he doesn't want to use nygma's idea.

looong pause. how to make eridan talk to him how to make eridan talk to him. ] Fe...elings?

[ JUST LIKE OLD TIMES he's going to throw up. ]

Exactly. That's exactly what I came to talk about. The accuracy of that statement is more unerring that my laser guided fury, it is just so fucking exact, what I just said, a new word may need to be invented purely to express it. Exact is the understatement of the sweep. That's. What. I wanted to talk about. With you.

Al... right.

[wweird BUT HE SURE DOES STILL SECRETLY LOVE FEELINS JAMS]

So start.

Okay. I'm starting.

[ awkward silence. ]

How've... you been?

Besides bein' stalked by my obsessiwe ex moirail and drawin' up war plans for when the shit hits the load gaper, pretty alright.

[awkward beat.]

You?

[ the same ex moirail that sent me to interrogate you, karkat thinks ruefully. he isn't even sure whose side he's on in this situation. no, he's perfectly sure. the side where eridan doesn't kill people. that's his goal here. no room for feeling guilty. ]

Besides getting made over against my will by a hoard of inebriated girls and watching as Lachesis dangles her absolute control over our lives mockingly over our heads like a purrbeast toy, I've been okay.

So uh. You and Nygma aren't getting any better, are you? [ pause. nygma isn't the safest subject karkat might give himself away. he adds- ] Eridan, war is not the solution to everything. You do realize that's why the shit is so close to hitting the load gaper? Megalomanical fucks not being able to keep their psychotic urges in check?

Megalomania is an art, Kar. Not ewerybody can make it work.

[WOW THAT SOUNDED KIND OF LIKE AN ADMISSION OF SOME SORT he instantly changes his tune, rattling off in some other direction entirely.]

And no, we ain't gettin' any better. In fact, ewery single incident a us ewen makin' the most inoffensiwe goddamn manner a smalltalk you can ewen imagine tends to turn into threatenin' death on each other.

Aforementioned happenstances always bein' his fault, a course.

Fuck, I can't believe I forgot how legitimately stupid you were. [ oops he accidentally angry nostalgia. ] It's not an art, you scum sucking moron, it's fucked up is what it is, and in this situation is the equivalent of trying to douse a bonfire with an industrial hose of gasoline and explosives.

[ sighing. he doesn't want to do this. he doesn't want to do this. he really, really doesn't want to do this, but:

PRIVATE. ]

Do you want to talk about it.

I... [wow awkward as fuck beat.] ...guess so.

[pause. then, indignant:]

You know he tried settin' me up all pale-like with all a his friends? How fuckin' messed up is that?

[ karkat is having trouble fathoming how easy it is to get eridan to talk to him willingly and civilly. how simple it is, and how similar to their old exchanges when they were friends it is, serves to increase karkat's guilt. ]

Yeah, that's seriously out of line. But I keep telling you, he's a human. They don't get what moirallegiance is really like. All of their romance is concupiscent, I don't think the concept of a conciliatory romance is something they can comprehend. Like they're just broken, whatever it is in our heads that makes us want to pacify or mediate is missing for them.

You'd think after a fuckin' sweep a bein' around me that he would of figured it out by now. Or would'we at least awoided such a goddamn ungainly as fuck faux pas.

[it's bizarre - he can't talk to eddie, and he won't tell ruka or quentin or klarion almost any of his problems because he needs to save face. felicia is too heavily tangled up with eddie to not take sides, and selina doesn't even remember him. and namora is... well, namora.

karkat is the only one left who's even making an effort now, and eridan finds himself taking comfort in the nostalgia of whining endlessly about dumb shit and not taking any of karkat's advice. it's kind of nice.

he sighs.]

Suppose he can't help it, though. He was hatched a member a the proletariat, after all.

If there's anything I've gathered about the guy, the amount of arrogance he leaks all over the place when he drags his unsightly ass into a memo is downright obscene. People like that tend to think they have shit all figured out even when it's painfully obvious they don't know jack.

[ he huffs a little. ]

What are you going to do now?

I dunno.

[it's honest, a little unsure; he notices near immediately, and follows it up with:]

Focusin' on this Wulcanus shit, most likely. My bein' the diplomatic representatiwe a Alternia and a kickass lord a the seas and whatnot, I figure the land dwellers could use my adwice.

[ that... is actually a lot better than karkat had been assuming. but then, karkat tends to assume the worst of eridan these days; with good reason. the one time he hadn't, the one time he had given him a fraction of faith, he'd come away from it as a corpse. he refuses to make the same mistake again.

he scoffs, scornfully, but without the same malice he tended towards lately. far too much like old times. ]

Seriously? You, diplomatic representative of Alternia? If you legitimately start painting yourself as a symbol of our race I'm pretty sure everyone remaining will permanently seize up out of collective embarrassment. They'll think we're all scarfsucking hipsters with awful taste.

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private; voice.

private, voice.

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private, voice. this is even worse than when they scream at each other

private, voice. GIVE IT A COUPLE OF COMMENTS

private, voice. its too late im already ruined