capeandcowl | 002: [video]

[ Yako's obviously in her MAC apartment, hair pulled back away from her face with a kerchief and still wearing an apron, though she's kicking back on her couch instead of actually cooking at the moment. ]

I'd like to welcome everyone who's arrived in the City over the past month. I haven't really been using the network much, so I haven't had the chance to greet everyone, but hopefully I can be better about that.

[ She pauses, like she's mulling something over, before continuing. ]

Also, since people here come from all over the place, we must have had the chance to eat all kinds of things. What's your favorite food? Is there anything at home that you can't find in the City, or vice versa? What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten?

[ She looks like she might be about to launch into more questions, voice rising with more obvious passion for the subject, but she's interrupted by the sound of an oven timer going off. Her face visibly lights up before she hastily turns the feed off. ]

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[ HER EXISTENCE IS ALL ABOUT WOES GETTING DUMPED ON HER so of course she accepts!!! ]

I don't mind listening, if you don't mind telling me about it.

Well, if you insist! Just let me think… It was some years ago on a day not unlike today. I was having a roaring good time watching one of my indubitably favourite films, Ghost Rider, when, SUDDENLY, out of the blue, I get the most peculiar message. What a humdinger, I thought, a real puzzler. What mysterious fellow could this bright orange text belong to? Surely no one I knew! At least not at the time, of course, my intrepid and ignorant younger self was considerably isolated; which of course isn’t to dismiss the fact that this new friend was even more isolated than I. A thrilling and strange first conversation, I’d say, but boy, was I in for it that day! So a few months passed and like this…

((It goes on. For a while. This is Jake English. He can talk about his problems forever. Three years of interactions he covers in ten, maybe twenty minutes, literally without any allowance for interruption. The conversations. Meeting Jane. Meeting Roxy. Coming to know Dirk better. The awkward and strange progression of potential romantic approaches from his male friend. Yako. Yako there is no escape. This is the black hole where all story telling goes to die, because Jake only knows how to complain when telling stories (as much as he loves them.) THE STORY CONTINUES EVEN AFTER THE FIRST THREE YEARS. The next are worse and weirder. A robot that hunted him down, created in the likeness of his best friend, the strange advances made by the Auto-responder, the trolls he came into contact with. If you don’t know anything about homestuck, I’m not getting into it. I could be here forever. I’ve already spent way too long trying to figure out how to phrase this tag. But the story seems to never end. FINALLY. You’re actually being told about CANON events, which for whatever reason takes at LEAST ten minutes to go through, but mostly its just weird dreams and the like. If you’re not following now, Yako probably isn’t following either. It’s okay, Jake doesn’t stall for explanations. He SAYS he’s getting there, but never explains anyway. If you do know Homestuck, though, he makes it just past his crazy troll dream before saying “And then I was here in the city!!”

Finally... FINALLY.... FINALLY!!! We reach something that is even remotely relevant to her original inquiry.))

Well, anywho! After staying here for a bit, Roxy ended up slipping up that Jane had this crush on me? So I thought, hey! What the heck! Might as well take the girl out… Guess I got a little weird too. Nearly lost all my best friends in like a month and forgot all about Dirk and Roxy’s birthdays while I was off celebrating my own and more or less being a terrible boyfriend. Haha, boy it sure was a mess though. Jane’s not here anymore so it’s kind of a bummer, but we broke up before then so it’s not too dreadful. ((A breakup he is relieved happened...))

[ Miraculously, she actually manages not to doze through all of that; in fact, she actually seems to be listening. Her attention span is certainly better than mine, since while I managed to last up to robots making questionable advances, I don't remember anything about crazy troll dreams because every attempt to continue reading past that point ended with me and my face in my keyboard from the second-hand teenage embarrassment.

Fortunately, Yako is a much more diligent and patient audience. Once Jake finally winds down to the conclusion of his epic tale, she clears her throat softly. ]

It sounds like you had a very rough time of it. Though if you didn't feel the same way for her, it was a bit unkind to lead her on that way.

Well.... yeah I guess, but it seemed just as bad to ignore the poor lass and not give her a chance? Besides, dating her wasn't so bad... Except for the whole forgetting about the rest of my friends.

[ She can't particularly relate, considering she had a boyfriend for perhaps all of five minutes in middle school before she scared him off with her appetite. ]

Did you ever speak to your friends about any of this?

Oh yeah, definitely! I mean we've all made up. Kinda. Jane not so much, she kinda poofed after we broke up so I haven't spoken with her since. ((DEEP SIGH.))

002: [video]

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no subject

this tag was so glorious

that is highly embarrassing

never be embarrassed

too late i play jake english embarrassment goes with the job