capeandcowl | video;

I'm in a good mood.

[ which should be enough of an indicator that he did something wrong. anyway, this is eridan in his penthouse, having set up the comm on the small table in front of his couch! a fatass persian cat lords from his obnoxiously large cat tree off to the left. eridan steps back from the comm, kicks an unlabeled cardboard box out of view (it rattles in a metallic fashion), and flops down on the couch at his back.

completely shamelessly, in rumblr coolkid fashion, he is wearing this sweater. except it has a persian on the front. HOW EMBARRASSING. ]

In fact, I'm in such a good fuckin' mood I'm actually gonna buy you filthy plebeian animals holiday presents this year. That's a general you, a course, I do kinda hate the fuck outta some of you. Not gonna commit to anythin' here, but you can try me. Drop some Congo wishlists on me, or just giwe me some kinda idea what you want; I'm probably headin' out for the holidays, so I ain't gonna be here, and if I'm gonna bother I need a horn's up in adwance. Maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't, but there ain't no harm in askin' me, right?

No islands, no guns, nothin' illegal. Since I know somebody's gonna ask. [ pffffft. he rolls his eyes. ] What do I look like, some kinda fuckin' psycho? Puh-leeze.

[ apparently done (why did he even bother setting up the comm, anyway?) he steps back in, killing the feed. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You fuckin' would.

I'm not sure how such a fact is relevant to the discussion I've posed. Shouldn't we be suspicious of your apparently spontaneous generosity?

[He's just mad Christine yelled at him, so he's taking it out on teens like a grown man would.]

If you think bein' generous is some kinda illness, I don't know what to fuckin' tell you.

What, bad relationship with your parents or somethin'?

[ AW YEAH CLUMSY PSYCHOLOGICAL STABS ]

Ah, but this isn't really about generosity, is it? The action in of itself is somewhat contrary to your prior expression of personality.

[Dodging that familial query.]

So I'm simply curious as to the authentic reasoning.

Remind me again when I started payin' you to giwe me psychological counselin'.

This is pro bono. You are welcome, young man.

My present to you.

I want ewidence a your so-called professional experience. Show me some papers and then you might get the pleasure of my spillin' my float bladder in your lap.

Or a fuck ugly Christmas sweater. Probably that one.

I don't need a sweater. I have plenty of suitable attire as is.

You could always swing by the psychiatric hospital, where I'm -- [He clears his throat, a percussion in of itself.] Chief of staff.

I know. 'Cos a your alias and all. It's real obwious.

[ i fuckin glances ]

Just 'cos my old shrink skipped uniwerses don't mean I'm lookin' for a replacement just yet.

Oh. Does that preclude potential abandonment issues? Because it only gets worse from here.

You get some kinda hard on from diggin' into peoples' issues?

Not that I hawe issues. 'Cos I fuckin' don't. I'm just wonderin'.

Oh, no -- trust me, I'm not interested. I don't work with common psychological maladies.

Common?

[ he really shouldn't. he really shouldn't. he really shouldn't.

but god, the implication that he's common. ]

I'd eat your liwer with a nice chianti and make a rug outta the rest of you, landhag.

Cannibalism? Is that supposed to incite my curiosity, cannibalism?

[Oh, the day he'll rue that rhetorical question.]

I'm not human.

[ in the SNIDEST TONE POSSIBLE: ]

So, technically, you oughta correct yourself there. It'd be anthropophagia.

Can you, at any point, become human? If so, wouldn't that make you a quasi-cannibal?

Whale, maybe if I ate a human while I was in human form. I figure it's all either one or the other, no alien organs gettin' mishmmashed between switches or anythin', so they're separate states a bein' entirely.

Actually ain't a bad question. Kinda philosophical, I guess. That's your bag, right? Bein' a shrink?

I have a PhD. I'm not a philosophy professor. There is science is psychology! [Wait, that sounds lame, doesn't it?] Neuroscience!

Same difference, right?

[ is he doing this on purpose? is he really that ignorant? THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW. ]

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