capeandcowl | voice; 002 ☽

Entry tags:

rose lalonde | seer of light

voice; 002 ☽

Good afternoon. I hope that those of you who are enjoying lunch will forgive me for this bizarre and unprompted broadcast. I have a rather odd predicament, however. I suppose I am seeking help on behalf of my older brother. Some of you will know him as That Insufferable Shit. Others will know him simply as Dave.

He has reached that point in his life wherein he has ... suitors.

[Thought it cannot be seen, Rose is cracking her knuckles. She is smiling. There is a tome on a meteor defiled with dicks and a wound in her pride that she is a "terrible" match-maker. It's absurd. ]

Some of you may even be one these suitors! Perhaps listening to this you have the sudden notion that you would like to be one of these suitors. If you are over the age of sixteen, however, I must ask that you hold your feelings at bay. I am only dealing in legal matters of the heart. The scandal of a "pimp daddy" or "sugar mama" will only leave Dave with a sullied reputation.

[She clears her throat. ]

If you are unaware of what Dave looks like, I am attaching a helpful array of candid images to showcase him in the most positive light I can.

-- attached files:
ACoolKid.png Dave looking dashingly "cool".
ASulkyKid.png Dave upon not getting his way. Notice his adorable dimples.
ASleepingKid.png Dave, taking a nap. Notice how he remains "cool" even in slumber.
AnAngryKid.png Dave telling me to fuck off. He did not mean it. ---

I thought to settle this diplomatically. If you wish to win a date with my brother, the bidding will start at ten dollars. The highest bidder will be awarded with a chance to "get to know" my beloved older brother. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness, after all.

[She sounds entirely sincere. There is a pause. It is very dramatic.]

That was a joke. I would prefer if you laid your intentions down clearly so that I may review them with a keen eye.

On another matter entirely, I am considering enrolling into school. I would appreciate first hand encounters and tales of its halls.

--
When you are married with four beautiful children, all of whom I will name on your behalf, you will thank me. If you are red faced at this moment, either from anger or embarrassment, I suggest you think upon the dozens of "bitches" who will be queuing up to check out your "choice ass".

art is by soullux!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Theres Another Month Still Before School Begins But I Would Personally Vouch For It
Though Surviving The Downtime Until Then Has Been Arduous
Also You Should Consider Keeping Gamzee Away From Him Just A Suggestion

I would rather have him an ally than an enemy, Kanaya.
School, however, seems terribly mundane and droll and I think I miss it. Tell me more.

Now Which Are You Referring To Because An Alliance With Gamzee Which Invites Him In Striders Company May Create A Rift Between Your Brother And Yourself
And Really In Such A Case I Wouldnt Be Able To Blame Him
The Clown Is Irrevocably Awful On The Vast Majority Of Occasions
School Is On The Other Hand Much As You Expect But Its Welcome In That Aspect
Its Greatly Expanded My Knowledge Of Earth And Given Me Further Contexts To Interact With Its Inhabitants
They Seem To Understand How To Help Us Better Realize Our Abilities As Well

Which is why I am trying to repair the damage of what should be a fruitful friendship. They are frightfully similar, albeit Dave is less outwardly morbid. I know that Gamzee is a loose canon, Kanaya. I know that Karkat holds a fragile, tepid hold over him. But if the beast is going to attack, I would rather Dave is holding the reins. And if he isn't, then more is the pity for Gamzee Makara, juggalo god rest his soul.
Do you think it's foolish? I won't be angry. I hold your opinion in high regards.

Ah. Yes, this sounds promising and far more interesting than the prospect of Monday morning maths.

And Exactly How Effective Would You Truly Believe Him To Be In That Position
Strider Lacks The Fortitude Necessary To Meet The Impending Threat With The Appropriately Final Response
You Would Only Be Sending Him Into Danger And I Doubt Hed Appreciate That
So Yes I Absolutely Believe It To Be Foolish
Hes Not Some Dave-Like Counterpart With An Additional Morbidity Rose
Hes A Mad Dog On A Short Leash And When The Time Comes That He Finally Snaps It He Will Need To Be Put Down

You are underestimating him as much as he underestimates himself.
Why did Gamzee snap? Before we met with you - all we were told was "Gamzee went rogue". Why?

Ive Seen No Reason To Rate Him Any More Generously
And To The Best Of My Knowledge It Was His Lack Of Sopor Intake
Assuming They Functioned As Some Method Of Keeping His Underlying Insanity In Check
Thats The Only Change In Conditions I Was Aware Of Around The Time Of His Alteration In Mood
But I Was Dead For Some Parts Of That Period So I May Have Missed Certain Details

A brief history into the life of Dave Strider includes: intense physical training and psychological warfare of an endearing kind. He may an asshat and often a shit, but he held my hand as I embarked on what should have been a suicide mission. He is very brave, Kanaya. He is very brave and he is very strong, yet he believes otherwise.
I see. A drug addict going cold turkey causes out-of-character behavior. I suppose it is similar. A homicidal killing spree, however, while citing that his drug of choice is poison, is out of the ordinary. Odd. Interesting, too.

A Suicide Mission You Should Never Have Undertaken To Begin With Might I Remind You
But Strong As He May Potentially Be I Can Attest To Gamzee Being More So
I Have Come To Direct Conflict With Him On Numerous Occasions
And Even I Was Presented With Difficulty How Much More So Will He Be
But Im Not Certain It Could Really Be Considered Out Of Character
More Likely That This Is His True Character Obscured For So Long And Finally Laid Bare For All To Witness
Otherwise I Doubt It Would Have Sustained For So Long Afterward

We were all duped. We all make mistakes. I am mostly over it. My pride will always be stung and I will forever wary of old men who refer to themselves by any sort of milkshake alias. My point stands however. Dave is a god. Gamzee is not. I will not let him die a heroic death and he will never be deserving of one that is just. Unless he has done some heinous deed that I am unaware of.
Arguing with you is incredibly unsettling. Let's not do this again after today. But - I am going to speak with Karkat. At some point. Possibly Gamzee. Not in person, but - I need to know all the facts.

You Say You Wont Allow Him To Die Heroically
And Yet
Here You Are Endorsing The Very Situation Which Would Make That Result More Likely
If You Shouldnt Like Us To Argue In Such A Manner Then Perhaps You Would Recognize That This Scheme Is Already A Mistake In The Making
Better To Send Someone Not At Risk Of Dying Whatsoever
Who Has Experience In Physical Altercations With The Individual In Question
Someone Who Wont Require The Prodding And Bolstering And Dispelling Of Doubts
When A Monster Needs Be Dealt With You Dont Send A Reluctant Hero Unless You Have The Patience For Their Necessary Quest
When The Blood Is Spilling And The Duty Must Be Fulfilled Quickly
You Send Another Monster

Kanaya.

Precisely

This isn't over. I am postponing for the sake of more research.
And I will still find Dave a date.

Ive No Doubt Of That
But If You Operate Under The Pretense Of Doing Him A Favor
I Must Repeat My Recommendation Of Making It A Genuine One And Not Making That Date Gamzee
I May Not Be Especially Fond Of Him But No One Deserves That

Despite our previous conversation, did it not occur to you that the purpose of this was to find him someone other than Gamzee so that he might lay off for a short while?

Then Why The Long And Drawn Out Protests When I First Made The Suggestion
Was The Entirety Of This Argument Really Held Under False Pretenses

You made an assumption and I rolled with it. Admittedly, you also rustled my jimmies over my full proof plan. But regardless, this was not an open advertisement for Gamzee Makara to come in with a rose between his teeth and a severed head clutched to his chest.

Fully Proofed
Well I Suppose It Couldnt Be Foolproof When You Have So Many Fools Involved
But Then That Also Tends To Diminish The Proofing
And How Else Would You Expect Him To See This Than An Invitation To Do Just That

Probably as a sign of red conquest rather than black. Unless he has switched quadrants in the last week and I have been made unaware.

I Doubt Hed Allow The Form Solicited To Dissuade Him
Humans Rarely Think To Make The Distinction Given Their Lack Of Understanding For The Darker Quadrants

Are you criticizing my advertising methods?

When You Leave So Great A Quantity Of Material In Demand Of My Judgement How Can I Possibly Resist

Kanaya you are simply too sassy for me. Look at you, sassing away all my good intentions.

Perhaps If Your Intentions Were Suspect On Fewer Occasions I Wouldnt Have Reason To Call Them Into Question

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