[ audio ] > dave: this isn't going to work.

[hashrap]

Happy April, the SOB who put eggs in my mailbox as an April Fools joke has a date with my fist waiting. It'll be real romantic. A date to tell your kids about when you're old and wrinkly, rocking in your rocking chair and they're sitting cross legged on the ground picking grass because nobody actually cares about grandpa's dates.

So, Easter was not long ago, right? Worst holiday ever. All that chocolate everywhere's like a nightmare to the collective figures of everyone on the planet. Last week I had a dream where I was mercilessly crushed to death by the thighs of the masses while walking down the street and I had an idea. A proposition.

How's about y'all let me take that nightmare fuel off your hands. Free of charge, no catch. Save your thighs, save the world. No need to thank me, I'm just a man.

Comments

voice;

[glowsferatu]

Easter is meant to revolve around fertility, isn't it? At least from what I've read. I don't really see what chocolate has to do with that, but I didn't really receive any to pass off to you anyway.

I've seen some discounted at the store, however.

voice;

[hashrap]

Yeah well I'm pretty sure all I'm shooting is chocolate right now, so any shot at being fertile I had was successfully ruined by Easter. Real counter productive.

I already spent all my money on cheap eggs. Want to buy me a gift?

voice;

[glowsferatu]

I didn't know you had a gun, much less why you would make a target of something that's meant to be eaten. But, more importantly, is this what our friendship is devolving to? Me buying you food?

voice;

[hashrap]

The gun is my— actually, you know what? I'm gonna let you work it out.

Also, yeah. I'm poor and chocolate.

voice;

[glowsferatu]

I hurdled myself directly into that one, hadn't I?

This chocolate won't have any mechanical aspirations, will it?

voice;

[hashrap]

The penis train hit you hard like a slap to the face. Wherein the slap is actually you getting hit by the train.

The train is also a penis.


My head says yes but my heart and stomach are drowning out its screams.

voice;

[glowsferatu]

I've never been happier to see a conversation derailed. Effective immediately.

It's a shame your head couldn't have taken precedence, as I believe a mechanical confection was rampaging through your house just the other day. Jake may know what's become of it.