capeandcowl | joint post / video

[Hi, network. The last time you saw these two was right before they shrunk a number of you.

Only being as much of a sociopath as the average three year old, and having a much better understanding of consequences, Val realizes they have to apologize. And that it has to sound sincere. Fortunately, she's a great liar.

Calvin's on his own.]

Hi, everyone. According to my calculations, the Pym particle effects should have entirely worn off by now. As far as I know, no one was seriously injuried.

[Injuries to pride, dignity, and relationship status don't count.]

Yeah, and I'm sure everybody's really glad about that. I for one have spent enough time running away from ants to last my whole life!

[Calvin looks just thrilled about the whole adventure. He's standing next to Val, wearing his ordinary red shirt now instead of that ridiculous lab coat.]

Anyway, as the head visionary of this project and the original genius behind the experiment, I feel I ought to apologize to everyone...

[Calvin's not a great liar. He's actually a terrible liar. Fortunately, he has other talents, like deflecting responsibility. He points at Valeria and starts yelling.]

...for letting this absolute chowderhead anywhere near my inventions!

[Having had the deluxe-package Calvin Experience over the last few days, Val is prepared for something like this, but her exasperation is genuine, because you climbed on the laser, Calvin, and she puffs out an annoyed sigh.]

I do accept responsibility for letting an unqualified observer like Calvin into the lab. I should have seen something like what happened coming a mile away. I'm really sorry to everyone I inconvenienced, and I won't be "collaborating" [the sarcasm quotes on that would be audible in a vacuum] with him anymore.

[You know, when Tony lets her back in one of his labs sometime a decade from now.

Aside from the swipes at Calvin, which come paired with with a truly masterful bit of sideeying, it's an Oscar-worthy performance--she practices seeming contrite on Susan Richards, after all. And she does feel a little chastened. Having an experiment go this badly wrong is beneath her.

Calvin nods along, still pointing the finger of accusation.]

That's right, you won't be, because you are fired. You're the worst assistant I've ever had, and my last one was a ferocious jungle cat!

[Long story.]

You heard her, she accepts responsibility for everything being her fault. So that settles it!

[He turns to Val.]

You can get pelted with refuse by the angry mob, and I'll just take my new shrink ray back home and keep perfecting it, without you messing things up.

[Val looks at him for a second in disbelief. Does he not realize she actually just blamed it all on him? Wait, dumb question.]

Yeah, okay.

[Suddenly, Calvin goes sliding out of his seat and onto the floor with a thump as she pushes him out of the frame with an invisible force field. Val reaches forward and the video ends.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The phrase "you crazy kids" has taken on whole new dimensions of meaning.

If I ask what you two have learned from all this, am I setting myself up for disappointment?

[HI SPIDEY.]

I learned an easily generalizable method for generating particle beams, that Calvin can't be trusted with anything more serious than a nerf gun, and that I have Mom's powers now.

[aka "not the right things"]

Okay, I can't fault you on your conclusions, though I think you're missing the nuances of the larger scale -- wait, your Mom's powers what? Which ones?!

[Please just invisibility. Please just invisibility. That one's bad enough already.]

The whole package.

[Val looks off camera, and after a second, a teddy bear floats into the frame and settles on the tabletop next to her, then disappears.]

Maybe I'll start calling myself "the Invisible Girl."

[You must admit, that would be funny.]

Edited 2013-08-15 01:55 (UTC)

[Stalling for time while he lets this sink in.] How'd you figure it out?

Reflexively threw up a force field when I got blown out of the lab.

[She says this like it's normal, which for her it is.]

...Which reminds me of another thing I wanted to ask, which is, where was Tony in all this?

[That breaks her stride for a second, because what has that got to do with anything?]

I don't know.

You're not the one who's supposed to. Looks like Mister Iron Britches and I need to have a little discussion.

He didn't have anything to do with it.

[Yes, Val, that's the problem.]

Yeah, that's really the crux of the issue, isn't it.

Know where he is right now?

No.

[She has a pretty good idea, but she doesn't actually know, so not technically a lie.]

None of this is his fault.

[She's not selling out Tony, if only because she wants lab access again sometime before she's 30.]

Look, Val-- [He sighs.]

I know it may seem that way to you, but as far as I'm concerned he is responsible for your safety. And you know me and responsibility.

Spider-Man, he didn't know and there's no reason he should have. I'm more than qualified for solo lab work, and I'm old--uh, aware enough to be responsible for my own mistakes.

[Don't treat her like a kid! Y'know, despite the fact she's three.]

Val, I would never tell you you're not brilliant, but some things can only be learned through experience that you just don't have yet. Tony should've kept that in mind when he worked out... whatever lab protocols he worked out with you.

The only thing that would have stopped that was me realizing in time that Calvin's a bigger walking disaster than Uncle Johnny and Uncle Ben put together.

[Harsh, but then again, she learned about odds from Franklin teaching her how to bet on Ben and Johnny's fights.]

I learned that girls can't be trusted, so I guess it was more a reinforcement of common knowledge.

[Yes Spidey, yes you are.]

I know it may not seem like it right now, kid, but one day you're gonna be glad to have girls around.

[That is, if he ever goes through puberty. And is at least straight or bi.]

Anyway, what would Firestar say about that?

[Calvin makes a face.]

Don't be stupid. Angelica's not a girl, she's a grown-up.

[Totally different. He's not even going to touch the inconceivable idea that he might betray his principles one day.]

Oh, right. Silly of me.

She used to be a girl, though.

[The kid shrugs.]

Everyone has things they regret in their past. And she never messed up my projects!

Y'know, I think both of you might have screwed this one up together.

[Calvin folds his arms and sets his jaw.]

Look, while I was designing it there weren't any problems.

[Because it was just a dart gun he drew on with marker.]

Things just went wrong after she started acting like she could 'improve' it for me. My only mistake was letting her try.

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