capeandcowl | joint post / video

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joint post / video

[Hi, network. The last time you saw these two was right before they shrunk a number of you.

Only being as much of a sociopath as the average three year old, and having a much better understanding of consequences, Val realizes they have to apologize. And that it has to sound sincere. Fortunately, she's a great liar.

Calvin's on his own.]

Hi, everyone. According to my calculations, the Pym particle effects should have entirely worn off by now. As far as I know, no one was seriously injuried.

[Injuries to pride, dignity, and relationship status don't count.]

Yeah, and I'm sure everybody's really glad about that. I for one have spent enough time running away from ants to last my whole life!

[Calvin looks just thrilled about the whole adventure. He's standing next to Val, wearing his ordinary red shirt now instead of that ridiculous lab coat.]

Anyway, as the head visionary of this project and the original genius behind the experiment, I feel I ought to apologize to everyone...

[Calvin's not a great liar. He's actually a terrible liar. Fortunately, he has other talents, like deflecting responsibility. He points at Valeria and starts yelling.]

...for letting this absolute chowderhead anywhere near my inventions!

[Having had the deluxe-package Calvin Experience over the last few days, Val is prepared for something like this, but her exasperation is genuine, because you climbed on the laser, Calvin, and she puffs out an annoyed sigh.]

I do accept responsibility for letting an unqualified observer like Calvin into the lab. I should have seen something like what happened coming a mile away. I'm really sorry to everyone I inconvenienced, and I won't be "collaborating" [the sarcasm quotes on that would be audible in a vacuum] with him anymore.

[You know, when Tony lets her back in one of his labs sometime a decade from now.

Aside from the swipes at Calvin, which come paired with with a truly masterful bit of sideeying, it's an Oscar-worthy performance--she practices seeming contrite on Susan Richards, after all. And she does feel a little chastened. Having an experiment go this badly wrong is beneath her.

Calvin nods along, still pointing the finger of accusation.]

That's right, you won't be, because you are fired. You're the worst assistant I've ever had, and my last one was a ferocious jungle cat!

[Long story.]

You heard her, she accepts responsibility for everything being her fault. So that settles it!

[He turns to Val.]

You can get pelted with refuse by the angry mob, and I'll just take my new shrink ray back home and keep perfecting it, without you messing things up.

[Val looks at him for a second in disbelief. Does he not realize she actually just blamed it all on him? Wait, dumb question.]

Yeah, okay.

[Suddenly, Calvin goes sliding out of his seat and onto the floor with a thump as she pushes him out of the frame with an invisible force field. Val reaches forward and the video ends.]

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[Calvin skids to a halt, sits back up, rubs his head, and glares.]

Nincompoop!

[Yeah his banter level has downgraded somewhat.]

The phrase "you crazy kids" has taken on whole new dimensions of meaning.

If I ask what you two have learned from all this, am I setting myself up for disappointment?

[ Hey kids. ]

Calvin. Val.

We should talk, don't you think?

[ He almost sounds reasonable. Now taking bets on how long that lasts. ]

[Why is she not surprised by this?]

Why were you two trying to make a shrink ray to begin with?

Now that everything's back to normal again... [Angelica looks quite stern.] Calvin, you're grounded.

Stay out of trouble you two.

Cool. Cool cool cool. [ There were apologies in there somewhere. He's pretty low-maintenance for those in cases of extreme sci-fi. ] Thanks for the shrinking adventure. It's physically impossible in my world so that always kind of held me back before.

I suppose we should begin negotiating suitable punishment for you. Possibly reparations as well.

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