capeandcowl

Monster
--noun

1. an animal or plant of abnormal form or structure
2. one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character

a threatening force

an animal of strange or terrifying shape
one unusually large for its kind

something monstrous, especially: a person of unnatural or extreme ugliness, deformity, wickedness, or cruelty

Once I would have said that I had never met anyone who could be called a monster. That nobody who was still able to think and feel could truly be a monster.

I'm not sure of that any more. But if people can be monsters, then what makes a person a monster? Is it their power? Or is it their will? If a person has the power to cause destruction, even if they don't want to, is that person a monster?

I want to think that a person's power doesn't make them a monster so long as they don't wish to use it to do harm. But it's possible to harm others without meaning to. Even if you're only trying to do something good, it's hard to know what will happen. I think, probably, not many monsters know that they are monsters.

If you try to help someone, and it ends up hurting many other people later on, what is the right answer?

If you think that, by killing someone now, you could keep many other people from being hurt in the future, what is the right answer?

This is something I have been wondering about lately.

[ooc: and I now apologize if "monster" no longer looks like a word.]

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Okay. [He'll follow Bakura's lead, falling kind of awkwardly quiet for a bit here.]

[[looks over at his friend after sitting]] So what happened...? If it's all right to ask....

It's fine, really. I'm just... not really sure how to begin. [he sits looking down into his cocoa] It's funny... as long as I've been here, up until now, I don't think any of the other Mu here knew very much about the things that happened when it became a war. At least, I think Soldier Blue knows a lot of it, but - none of them have been there for it. Not yet, anyway.

[[looks down slightly, thinking of the memories Blue had shared with him. That this Blue now only knew from seeing from him. He nods slightly.]]

Blue-san from before... [[hesitates. How to even say that...

Maybe he shouldn't]]

Is that what Leo just came back from? From when things got that bad?

It seems that way.

[his head droops a little more]

When he first got here, he only thought of me as a friend, even though I tried to explain...

I don't really know what happened while he was gone, but... he understands now.

[[reaches out to put a hand on Matsuka's knee to reassure him]] I don't think Leo's the type of person to stop being your friend just because you wound up on opposite sides of things.

[[Leo reminded him of Yuugi in that respect.]]

[tries a smile, pretty obviously not convinced] I can't really blame him. The things that happened... if I hadn't protected Keith, then probably... it could have been prevented.

Edited 2010-11-08 05:00 (UTC)

You can't let yourself think that way. Protecting someone you care about-- You shouldn't doubt that.

I know. But I can't just ignore how many other people have been hurt, either.

[[is quiet a long moment, thinking.]]

Did you have any way of knowing? What would happen, I mean?

I didn't then. But even after terrible things happened, I - I have still protected him. I don't think I can just say that I didn't know so it's not my fault.

[[another long pause]]

Why did you protect him?

[[thinks he knows the answer, but really, he wants to hear it]]

[have an awkward hesitation]

I.. I don't know if I can explain in a way that will make sense.

Because we're alike. Because I can tell that he's hurting, and lonely. Because if I abandon him, then there won't be anyone left anywhere who's still trying to reach him.

[[smiles softly]] Because you're his friend.

[[It was something he understood rather well, as it was a lot like what Yuugi had done for him, and for Otogi and for Malik. ]]

I don't think that's a bad thing. You're not helping him hurt other people, you're trying to reach him so he'll stop hurting, and stop hurting others.

But is this really okay? Even if I don't want anyone to be hurt, I'm helping him by protecting him.

[[is quiet a long moment, thinking]]

I don't know, [[finally answers honestly.]] But here, I don't think things like that really matter, do they? He's not hurting anyone here, right?

...no, but... it's not like that means the other things don't matter.

But there isn't anything you can do about that here. Second guessing the choices you made that you can't address now... you'll just make yourself feel bad.

[[another slight pause]]

Blue-san told me once, that you can't let the past keep you from continuing on to the future that you want. I think... instead of thinking of what you did then... instead if you think of how things are now, and what you could do now so that it doesn't happen again...

[[isn't so good at this and is trying to say what he thinks his various mentor figures would say, so it's a little awkward.]]

What's in the past is in the past. It's the future that's important... right?

Yes, you're probably right.

I suppose I'm just... trying to figure out what to say to Leo. There probably isn't anything. No matter what I say, it won't bring anything back.

Un... [[nods slightly. Really, he knew so little of what had happened in the world Matsuka Blue and Leo came from, it was hard to really know what to say or do. But with what little Blue had shown him... ]]

You could ask him what he would have you do...?

That doesn't seem like a fair question either. But... maybe it's the best thing to do.

If he even wants to speak to me any more. Right now... probably not.

Maybe if you give him some time? Or you could talk to Blue-san. Blue-san would probably know better, really.

That's true, he really might. Maybe... sometime soon, after a little more time has gone by...

[[blinks.]] Too nervous to try and contact him?

[a little shake of his head] It isn't that. It just - I don't think right now is a good time to try to talk about it, if that makes any sense. Not just yet.

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