capeandcowl | No. 29 [voice]

Entry tags:

alastair | hacker

No. 29 [voice]

Well, goddammit.

I've spent like a year and a half working for Stark, minding my own business, staying out of trouble, and letting pretty much everyone that works around me believe that I was a local just like them. Nobody ever had any idea that I was an 'import,' and I was fine with that. I pass for normal just fine. But not anymore. Dammit, I don't even know why, but one of the secretaries was hassling me about a work party for Christmas and I just up and blurted it out. That I'm not even from here.

Dammit!

At least it got her off my back. Not the import thing, the whole diatribe about why I don't want any part of those plans and get that damn mini-tree off the empty desk thank you very much. I might not have liked Weaz by the time he got ported out of here but at least I can keep his desk from being the site of any stupid trees.

....and why the hell am I even bothering to tell you people this?

((ooc: yep, truth bug))

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I don't pity you, man. You've made up for it, yeah, it's obvious. Why should that be...pity...able is that a word? Anyway. If I say I'm sorry it's because I really am - because I feel for you.

...shiiiit. [why can't he just shut up?!]

You couldn't. You don't have it in you to kill anyone...just like me.

The word you're looking for is pitiable. I don't want you to 'feel' for me or any of that crap.

Haven't you been listening, I already have killed people.

Just...shut up! I don't want to be having this conversation.

Then why are we still talking about it? It's weird for me, too!

You couldn't do it yourself, though. You couldn't push that bastard out a window, any more than I could have let that plane crash. We both can blame circumstances out of our hands for anyone who's dead and leave it that that. Otherwise how the hell would we sleep at night?

I don't know! It's been happening all week and when I find out what's behind it I'm going to destroy them.

And stop making excuses! You would have let that plane crash, and I would have done worse than push him out a window. I'm not blaming anything for my actions except me!

But I don't let my past determine my future. That's where you're different and why you would have let the plane crash. You blamed me for you life. I was your excuse. Of course you would have tried to kill me, and don't pretend you wouldn't.

....oh shit is this another...? Dammit! That's the one thing I really hate about this place.

I'm not pretending, I really believe it. The only reason it even happened in the first place was because I was possessed. If I'd been in my right mind...but then none of that would have happened, would it? I'd have just been some refugee in a camp somewhere in Eastern Europe if I hadn't let myself be possessed.

I hate arguing this with you because it's like you aren't able to just admit you did something. Stop playing the damn victim! I'd respect you a lot more.

[an acutal pause]

I did. I've done plenty. Just not the things you think I did. I've never not admitted to that.

Like what?

Dartz didn't have to try real hard to get me onto his side. I might have been possessed by the Oricalchos but I wanted it. You remember how it worked, right? Everything I said or did was just my own darkness amplified. That includes wanting to end the world.

... [trying so hard not to say this SO HARD OH NO I CAN'T] You were the one who snapped me out of that. I had totally blanked out the fact that we were going to wipe out the entire human race until you said something.

Then stop saying everything was because you were possessed.

I don't want any more of this conversation.

Edited 2010-12-16 04:37 (UTC)

The two aren't mutually exclusive, Kaiba! I did all those things but at the same time, it's a fact that I was possessed. I can't deny that either.

...I don't either. You make me so tired. But I can't. Shut. Up.

They are. And being 'possessed' is just an excuse. [he fully blames himself for being tricked into designing weapons when he was 12, you are being held to same standards]

We have this conversation every time, and it just goes in a circle. It's a waste of time, and I would much rather not continue.

Then I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree on that one.

...this is the most we've talked since you told me about Dartz a year ago, you know.

There's a reason for that.

Obviously.

And part of me wants to take advantage of it and ask you everything you won't tell me.

If you try, you'll regret it.

Why, are you gonna hang up on me?

I will if it will keep you from finding out anything else I don't want you to know.

But what I meant is that I'll make you regret it once this is over and make sure you don't say a damn thing about it.

Uh huh. Right. Sure.

Lucky for you I can't remember anything else I wanted to know right now. You're off the hook, unless this weird thing doesn't stop.

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No. 29 [voice]

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