[Video]

[shotyoudeadbang]

[A man in a strange one-eyed mask glares into the camera, studying it to make sure it's working. He looks singed up and it's possible he's still smoldering.]

All right, what's this horseshit? Seriously.

[His voice is hoarse, and he coughs a bit.]

I show up here, wherever the hell this is, against my will, some robot voice starts narrating some sci-fi crap to me, saying they're gonna try to enlist me as a damn peacekeeper for some planet that isn't even mine.

[A minor grunt of pain.]

So, naturally, I shoot up the joint and try to get whoever's jerkin' my chain to show himself, and I get about a million volts up my ass for my trouble. What, I'm NOT supposed to try and shoot whoever the hell's kidnapped me in the face? Last time I got shuffled off to another fucking planet, it ended ugly for the pricks who did it to me.

[Another groan, as his head falls into his hand.]

So I crawl my fried ass outside, only to get rolled up on by some two-bit cops who scoop me up and drop me in a holding cell in some dingy precinct that hasn't seen a mop since the 70s. Who do I gotta talk to to get the hell out of this joint and get a pack of smokes? I ain't about to pay prison prices for those things.

[His head thunks back against the gray brick wall behind him.]

And don't tell me we're having another goddamn "crisis." Even if that's true, don't tell me that shit. I'm sick of hearing about it.

Comments

[shotyoudeadbang]

I wouldn't take you up on 'em if you did. Made that clear last time I saw your fireplug butt.

So, what... you selling shower curtain rings or something? Maybe nukes to Third World countries?

[bigreveal.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and I've still got the bullet to show for it. Congratulations. Maybe Wonder Woman will come back and you can try taking more potshots at her.

Hilarious, Lawton. Taking jokes from Boomer now?

[shotyoudeadbang]

I don't get paid for comedy.

Changing the subject because you're embarrassed by your huckster gig?

[bigreveal.livejournal.com]

Nope. Having a regular life has been pretty great. This isn't my America, after all. Not like they'd give me my position back just because I said I worked it in an alternate dimension.

Have fun bonding with Blake. Maybe Batman'll be around later to keep an eye on you.

Me, I got work to do.

[And a simple disconnect of the communicator.]

[Text message sent after the disconnect.]

[shotyoudeadbang]

Last I heard, nobody ever "gave" The Wall anything. You had to fight for everything you got.

Then again, we'd all rather have your butt wearing out an office chair out of sight somewhere than in our faces trying to get us to die for your cause.