capeandcowl | [Video]

[A man in a strange one-eyed mask glares into the camera, studying it to make sure it's working. He looks singed up and it's possible he's still smoldering.]

All right, what's this horseshit? Seriously.

[His voice is hoarse, and he coughs a bit.]

I show up here, wherever the hell this is, against my will, some robot voice starts narrating some sci-fi crap to me, saying they're gonna try to enlist me as a damn peacekeeper for some planet that isn't even mine.

[A minor grunt of pain.]

So, naturally, I shoot up the joint and try to get whoever's jerkin' my chain to show himself, and I get about a million volts up my ass for my trouble. What, I'm NOT supposed to try and shoot whoever the hell's kidnapped me in the face? Last time I got shuffled off to another fucking planet, it ended ugly for the pricks who did it to me.

[Another groan, as his head falls into his hand.]

So I crawl my fried ass outside, only to get rolled up on by some two-bit cops who scoop me up and drop me in a holding cell in some dingy precinct that hasn't seen a mop since the 70s. Who do I gotta talk to to get the hell out of this joint and get a pack of smokes? I ain't about to pay prison prices for those things.

[His head thunks back against the gray brick wall behind him.]

And don't tell me we're having another goddamn "crisis." Even if that's true, don't tell me that shit. I'm sick of hearing about it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nobody ever figured out how to get back? This place doesn't take the eggheads or something?

You don't go back until she sends you back. Period.

And who's "she?"

The Porter. Voice you heard when you got here, that's her. She wants us all to be heroes, hhhhh.

What?

Then why the hell drag MY ass here? Go get Batman or something. He does that shit for free.

Fuck if I know. You think I wanna be a hero?

I don't even know you.

Same to you, Mister Whatshisfuckingface.

Floyd Lawton.

I shoot people.

You?

[Mumble]. The Pro.

I do things for money.

"The Pro," huh?

You mean you do people for money.

Problem with that?

Not at all. Pros tend to like having me as a client.

You girls have a district or do you make house calls?

Pff. I work for myself, whenever and however I feel like it. You'd have to ask the locals about districts.

Good on you. Pimps are for suckers.

And they're always jackholes, too.

What kinda rates you got?

Depends on what you what. [Shrug.]

I'm pretty utilitarian about things, most of the time. Nothin' too fancy.

Heh. I could give you the names of a couple'a local girls, if you want.

They probably need the money more than me, anyway. Not that I'm turning anything down or anything. Things've just been busy lately is all.