[Video]

[shotyoudeadbang]

[A man in a strange one-eyed mask glares into the camera, studying it to make sure it's working. He looks singed up and it's possible he's still smoldering.]

All right, what's this horseshit? Seriously.

[His voice is hoarse, and he coughs a bit.]

I show up here, wherever the hell this is, against my will, some robot voice starts narrating some sci-fi crap to me, saying they're gonna try to enlist me as a damn peacekeeper for some planet that isn't even mine.

[A minor grunt of pain.]

So, naturally, I shoot up the joint and try to get whoever's jerkin' my chain to show himself, and I get about a million volts up my ass for my trouble. What, I'm NOT supposed to try and shoot whoever the hell's kidnapped me in the face? Last time I got shuffled off to another fucking planet, it ended ugly for the pricks who did it to me.

[Another groan, as his head falls into his hand.]

So I crawl my fried ass outside, only to get rolled up on by some two-bit cops who scoop me up and drop me in a holding cell in some dingy precinct that hasn't seen a mop since the 70s. Who do I gotta talk to to get the hell out of this joint and get a pack of smokes? I ain't about to pay prison prices for those things.

[His head thunks back against the gray brick wall behind him.]

And don't tell me we're having another goddamn "crisis." Even if that's true, don't tell me that shit. I'm sick of hearing about it.

Comments

Aww.

[shotyoudeadbang]

Great. This robot thing thinks it's funny.

You got an example of what this thing takes as comedy?

[hacktivist]

Calling me a hero. [that was plenty flat enough to be a joke]

[shotyoudeadbang]

Heh.

Well... at least it doesn't think it's the Joker.

[hacktivist]

A friend of yours?

Records indicate someone by that name has arrived and departed the City multiple times, and is present here now.

[shotyoudeadbang]

Not at all.

[Whether that's because the Joker sucks or because Floyd doesn't really have 'friends' is up in he air]

Great. Is there a Batman here? If not, that clown's gonna go stir-crazy.

[hacktivist]

Not sure. [he hasn't had reason to check. Too busy with conspiracies that may or may not exist]

[shotyoudeadbang]

Not sure which way the Joker is worse - with or without a Bat.

Any kinda 'who's who' I should know about?

[hacktivist]

The usual suspects. I can't tell you how many criminals Lachesis brought here, but.

Watch yourself around Tony Stark.

[shotyoudeadbang]

I just got here. I don't know who's 'usual' for this place.

And who's Tony Stark?

[hacktivist]

You'll find out.

A dangerous industrialist. At home he was responsible for the suffering of untold numbers of people. [beat] He also goes by Iron Man.

[shotyoudeadbang]

"Iron Man," huh?

I'm betting he's some kinda robot cyborg thing, then, and not just a guy who's all big nuts about Black Sabbath.

[hacktivist]

[sndjkgf a long and bemused silence for a few moments. Black Sabbath indeed] Neither, but closer to the former.

He has armor and extensive weaponry. And funds. [and an attitude! A bad one!!] Easily avoided, for the moment.

[shotyoudeadbang]

Eh, rich guys and their toys. Leave 'em be to futz around in their own sandboxes.

Any tips, contacts, directions to go here? You know what I'm after.

[hacktivist]

For now, that seems prudent. [even though he really would rather do something about it, Floyd's right.]

One moment, Mr. Lawton.

Tips; don't irritate Mr. Osborn. Don't affiliate with government programs or retain the issued dog tags on your person.

Request your compatriots remove their cell phone batteries if you wish to discuss confidential information with them. They are always listening.

[shotyoudeadbang]

Crap. Figures these things are bugs.

All right.

Hey.

Thanks.

I'll be in touch once I get an off-network comm.

[hacktivist]

You're welcome. [well it's not exactly like the Thunderbolts but it'll definitely do. He even sounds a little happier.] Goodbye, Mr. Lawton.