first carcino ♋ video

[crab]

[ the video clicks on, and the face it captures is not a happy one. it is a grey face, topped with hair that has not seen the comforting touch of a brush in a heinously long time. on his head there are two, nubby little yellow horns. he has a horrendous overbite with carnivorous looking teeth. the large eyes of a nocturnal creature, yellow sclera, grey pupils, both underscored with grave ditches that suggest he has not slept for a long, long time. cape and cowl, ladies, gents, and unspecified, meet karkat vantas, aged six sweeps, thirteen earth years.

at the moment when the video starts he is breathing quickly and shakily, muttering a steady stream of profanity. his eyes are huge, wide with apparent panic, shoulders bunched, jaw set- he is like tension personified. on his face are streaks of pale pink, though he is hurriedly scrubbing them away with the back of a sleeve, before beginning. loudly. also he may be trying to puff himself up a bit. he is definitely trying not to look scared out of his mind. ]

Attention douchebags!

[ charmer. ]

I don't know what in pusblasted hell just happened, but I'm calling out all semi-intelligent excuses for sentience receiving this message right now to answer a question.

Where. The. Assnabbing. Fuck. Am I?!

One minute I'm at an undestroyed, unneutralized Green Sun opening my grief ducts over the pile of feculent yellow mush that used to be my best friend, then I'm being accosted by some piece of shit computer for my name and alias. If anyone from my team got warped here with me and can see this then report to me right now with as little bullshit as possible, I am not in the mood, I am in the negatives of what would have been the mood, okay.

Comments

text.

[shooteverything]

do you talk that way to everyone or am i just special

[crab]

I TALK THAT WAY TO USELESS FUCKHEADS WHO COMPLETELY MISS THE POINT, YEAH.

[shooteverything]

as far as i could tell you werent making any point

[crab]

AND THUS YOUR MENTAL FACULTIES SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

[culver]

Do not be mean to him!

[shooteverything]

[ what ]

its
fine

[culver]

He does not need to be rude.

[shooteverything]

it's all right
he isn't really doing anything

[culver]

I know. I just do not like it.

[shooteverything]

i won't like it if he's rude to you.

[culver]

He has not been yet.

[shooteverything]

[ after reading part of their conversation: ]

you shouldn't
you don't have to be sorry for me

[culver]

I just feel bad that he is being mean.

[crab]

NO ONE ASKED YOU.

[culver]

That does not mean I cannot say anything.

[crab]

IT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU EITHER.
POINT YOUR SNIFFNODE OUT OF THIS.

[culver]

My what?

[crab]

YOUR NOSE.

[culver]

Why did you not just say nose?

[crab]

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MY SPECIES CALLS IT.
GOD, TRY TO BE AT LEAST A LITTLE MULTICULTURAL, WILL YOU?
YOU SAID YOU KNEW KANAYA AND TEREZI, I MEAN, SURELY THEY MUST HAVE USED WEIRD ALIEN JARGON ON YOU BY NOW.

[culver]

Yes but they usually explain it. I do not know all of your words.
I am sorry.

[shooteverything]

more like you completely and utterly fail to be significant at all

[crab]

OH GRUBSHITTING HELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY ICE FOR ALL THESE SICK BURNS YOU'RE SPOUTING, I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS.
THAT WAS SARCASM.
YOU COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FAIL TO BE OF ANY USE OR VALUE AT ALL.

[shooteverything]

glad i could help you on the road to apoplexy

[crab]

FUCK YOU.

[ aaaand he disconnects in a huff.

great first impression. ]