fourth carcino ♋ text

[crab]

THERE ARE SOME ISSUES I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS.
TO EXPLORE, IF YOU WILL.
EVEN DISCUSS, WHILE WE'RE AT IT.
ALLOW ME TO PRESENT MY GRIEVANCES:
WHAT THE FUCK IS *WRONG* WITH YOU GUYS?
WHAT HAS EVEN BEEN *HAPPENING*?
ARE YOU ALL INSANE? YES, YOU ARE. YOU ARE INSANE. I AM SURROUNDED BY PSYCHOPATHS.
I NEED NEW FRIENDS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S THE BEST IDEA I'VE EVER HAD.
FRIENDSHIP POSITIONS OPEN. REQUIREMENTS: NOT BEING A MURDER-HAPPY, REVENGE-OBSESSED PYSCHO WHOSE IDEA OF RESOLVING A SITUATION IS IN ACTUALITY MAKING EVERYTHING A SOLID BILLION TIMES WORSE.

Comments

private.

[crab]

I don't see any results either. [ HUFFS HE DOESN'T LIKE IT ] Whatever it is that's between them, it isn't working the way it should.

[ he chews that one over. ]

I would try to fill that position, but most, if not all places where I could make a suitable mediator involve people I'm already in another quadrant with, or don't feel that way towards. It's a tricky thing. I know a lot about this stuff, okay, I'm practically an expert. [ he's not going to touch on the fact that he might need an auspistice himself. ]

private.

[dragony]

Mmm... When Eridan gets back, I'll talk to Edward, see what's up, let you know. Is that alright? I'm less likely to alienate him than one of you guys, I think. [ she pauses. ] Since he knows I'm not likely to attack either of them or throw anyone to the sharks.

Of the ones from your planet that are here, can you think of anyone who could take that role? Of auspistice, I mean.

private.

[crab]

Okay. You do that, and report back to me after you do.

[ hmm. ]

It depends on which pairs are being mediated here. Who we're trying to set up with functional ashen partners.

private.

[dragony]

Well, Gamzee and Eridan for starters. Even if you're here, with their history, it seems like something more happening is inevitable.

A few others, but who do you think needs them?

private.

[crab]

Ugh. The first requirement would be that a mediator should be capable of not ending up killed by either of their ashen quadrantmates. I don't know if anyone among us could make sense of that almighty clusterfuck without getting their head blown or ripped off.

[ we'll move on to that next question. ]

As for people who need one, Kanaya and Eridan, Gamzee and Kanaya, Terezi said she and Gamzee already had one. God, I don't even know if there are enough of us to mediate all these ludicrous feuds. Why the fuck are we all such psychos? [ eridan and himself. /:B ]

private.

[dragony]

Sheesh, might as well round it out with one for Eridan and Terezi, too. [ just, massaging her temple at this clusterfuck too karkat. ] I'd volunteer myself, but I don't think I'm qualified, and I'd rather not lose the other eye.

private.

[crab]

Do we know anyone who's on decent terms with both Gamzee and Eridan? Someone neither of them would be partial to dismembering or otherwise maiming and mangling? That's generally how an auspistice begins. I've seen it happen time and time again in cinematographic sociological studies. [ otherwise known as shitty romcoms. ]

private.

[dragony]

Uhhh... [ This is a pause that drags out for a few seconds because, really, who DOESN'T gamzee threaten and terrify? ]

I don't know, that Quentin Quire guy, maybe? From what I've seen he manages civil conversations with both of them.

private.

[crab]

You mean the obnoxious douchebag who insists on giving people the inanest possible aliases his stunted psyche can dream up?

private.

[dragony]

Yeah, probably? I've never talked to him, personally.

But can you think of someone who can put up with Eridan and Gamzee and keep them from killing one another and from being killed? Because that's... a very short list, I think.

private.

[crab]

And you think this Quentin Quire guy can live up to those standards?

private.

[dragony]

Better luck than either of us.

But I'll try digging the archives tonight, see if there are any other names I can turn up.

private.

[crab]

Good. You do that. I'll expect a full and thorough briefing on your findings.

I'll draw us up some charts so we can get this shit organized, with regards to which of these snotslurping basket cases need their dumbass grudges tempered.