[video]

[hesverytidy]

[He has better control of the comm this time around, but it still moves around a lot as he talks. Still in the stupid helmet et al.]

Screw this! I've been search for weeks and I still can't find Dike! It's really unfair for her to make me look for her, since this whole city has more people than, like, the whole city-state I was born in.

There's no harm in asking people for help, right? Even Hercules has asked me for help! Has anyone seen the Goddess of Law around? She was kind of small, dark haired, kinda mouthy, no disrespect intended, has an army of raccoons, whatever those are. I saw a guy had married her a couple weeks ago, and I hope he knows what he's getting into marrying a goddess like that. The mortals always get the short end of the stick in these things. Usually being abandoned and, like, torn apart by vicious animals or getting turned into a tree.

Really, in general getting involved in gods' businesses gets you in deep. If they come down and ask you to do a beauty contest, don't do it, you'll just start a big dumb war. And if you're better at something than a god, don't actually do it better than them when they come down and challenge you, you'll just get turned into a spider and probably stepped on, because spiders are gross. And while on the subject of gods and animals, no matter how gorgeous that swan or bull is that you found, just don't sleep with it, it's not worth the cost of building a whole labyrinth for your freak kid.

[Pause.] ....Wait, where was I? Oh, right, Dike, where is she?


[ooc: He's looking for April, but thinks she's a greek goddess because he's pretty stupid.]

Comments

[enigmaestro]

Only because they provide you with excuses.

[aggressiveapathy]

They're the foundation of my quirky and heart-warming persona.

You'll like it.

[enigmaestro]

Are we bouncing sitcom tropes? Am I your foil?

[aggressiveapathy]

Mm-mm. I refuse to be a protagonist. Ever.

[enigmaestro]

I'm not sure if the terms are negotiable -- but I'll humor you. Cast it, now.

[aggressiveapathy]

Ugh. Fine. Five Man Band: City Hall.

[There's a pause as she actually pulls this up on her phone. She doesn't care if this is what you asked for, Eddie, it's what you're getting.]

Hero is Mitch, so you get to be The Lancer. I'm the Smart Guy- because I say so. James is The Big Guy and Andy's The Chick and all the interns are the Chew Toys except maybe Terry who's Team Pet.

[enigmaestro]

Curious. You're a dead ringer for Deadpan Snarker -- why not divert from the schematic a little?

[aggressiveapathy]

Because then we wouldn't be a band.

[enigmaestro]

We don't have to be a band.

[aggressiveapathy]

Too late.

Unless you've got a cast.

[enigmaestro]

I do, but you're the protagonist. And I know how you hate that.

[aggressiveapathy]

That doesn't even make sense. You have way more adventures. I scoot my roller chair to the bathroom.

[enigmaestro]

Lancers do physical fighting, don't they? Traditionally speaking?

[aggressiveapathy]

They play mad riffs. Mm. And probably the grosser STDs.

[enigmaestro]

I don't like what you're implying.

[aggressiveapathy]

Yeah. This is why I shouldn't direct storyline progression.

[enigmaestro]

You're sabotaging this intentionally, April! Why shouldn't we have a story that centers around you in an office?

[aggressiveapathy]

Because that's creepy. And I already have a youtube channel.

[enigmaestro]

Did you feature your recent marriage? I'm sure that was quite the adventure.

[aggressiveapathy]

Uh, yeah. Alien Elvis caught my garter. It's got like fifty million views.