capeandcowl | voice;

[he doesn't start speaking right as the feed starts! there's a solid second or two of eridan trying to find his train of thought, the occasional heavy, expectant breath or two the only signs of his false starts.]

Well, Mexico was a shipload a fun. Don't know about anybody else's impromptu as fuck abscondin'.

Not my point of makin' this point though, so listen up, landlubbers.

[there is a decided lack of flair in eridan's voice, despite the (sharp, direct) pun/nautical reference or two. he's purposeful.]

They say they're cuttin' me loose soon, probably on account a my bein' such a charminly well-behawed prisoner and all. Due to personal circumstances, I'll be needin' to get a few affairs in order before my date a release.

I need a place to liwe, a tutor for the upcomin' schoolfeedin' year, and hopefully enough, some manner a profession. If you're willin' to hire a sewen solar sweep year old like myself, a course, don't want to go about misleadin' folk. Lyin' to 'em. Suchlike.

[a stale beat.]

No nosy hiwemates. Roommates, whatewer. I don't fuckin' like most a you and I probably won't giwe a shit about your problems, so keep your cartilage nubs outta mine. I got more than enough beetles in my coffers to keep me afloat for a while, so rent ain't gonna be an issue. Probably.

[a beat. he sounds like he means to say something dramatic or heartfelt to top off his posts like usual, and then:]

Preferably cat friendly. But I'm flexible.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Cut the shit. Eddie told me about the two a you.

But hey! I'm nothin' if not fuckin' thrilled. You two deserwe each other. Real couple a soulmates you are.

Er. What?

[ A horrified pause. This isn't what he needs right now, gosh!! ]

I think you're misconstruing our professional relationship, Eridan.

He all but fuckin' stated the two a you were moirails. Defined it and ewerythin'.

And as much of a fuckin' globe-garglin' waste a space as he is, he wouldn't lie about that kinda thing.

Unfortunately, I'm not quite sure what that particular term quite means, other than the little bit I've managed to glean over the network.

[ He sounds a little satisfied when he starts back up. ] I'll have to defer to his wisdom on this subject.

Whatewer.

[OOPS BITTER SUBJECT CHANGE]

Eff-why-aye, the Mexico trip was a Porter incident. I didn't exactly go get my fuckin' wrist crushed and bake in the fuckin' sun for a fortnight just 'cos it sounded fun.

What, getting your wrist crushed isn't fun these days? I suppose it's a good thing it wasn't voluntary, and that you came back. I don't think the fleeing probation violator would agree with you for much longer.

Right, 'cos wastin' a near quarter sweep a life in your fuckin' awful detention hiwe is somethin' I'm just gonna throw away by runnin' off, so I can spend another quarter sweep here later.

How'd you end up gettin' elected again? This ain't wery good conduct to be hawin' with your citizenry.

That was sarcasm. And apparently the American people react well to an politician who's honest about his sense of humor. [ A beat. ] Who would've thought?

[BEAT.]

...I knew that.

That it was sarcasm, I mean. I was just testin' you.

Good thing we have people like you around testing me. I'd hate to lose my fucking touch.

Exactly.

I'm waitin' for my show a gratitude for tryin' to keep you on top, by the by.

You know, most people want to be good people just for the sake of it, instead of for thanks.

[surprisingly bitterly!]

If you hawen't noticed by now, I ain't exactly a people.

Person is a relative fucking term! It doesn't mean human, I mean it as in you're a sentient being who hopefully has some kind of brain up there.

Insultin' your soon to be wotin' demographic?

Tsk.

You know, you're going to make something an insult whether it's one or not. I don't think it's worth even fucking trying to convince you otherwise.

It probably ain't.

[SNEERING because he is such a super jealous ex.]

You wouldn't be the first to giwe up on me, so don't feel too bad.

[ GOSH ERIDAN IT'S NOT LIKE HE ASKED FOR THIS!! He sounds almost bitter, but it's not like being killed will do that or anything. ]

I don't give up, but I don't give handouts either. Given what I know about you, I probably don't have your vote either way.

[GOSH MITCH IT WAS JUST A MURDER GET OVER IT ALREADY]

Not when you're palemates with my shitty ex-moirail you don't.

[like half a second after he says that he realizes that palemates sounds a lot like pailmates SURE HOPE EDDIE HASN'T TOLD HIM TOO MUCH ABOUT TROLLS]

[ He makes a confused noise at the communicator. ]

Er. "Palemates"? Why the fuck is it all about 'mates' of some sort? Platonic soulmates, 'palemates', you even have a term for hating someone that has to do with mates!

Because all a those are forms a romance, Mitch.

What, Ed didn't tell you that helpful little tidbit?

[beat.]

And I'm surprised he hasn't made a kismesis crack about you and that Pherson freak by now. That's the hatemates one, by the by.

[ He is trying to show some restraint right now and it isn't working. ]

I hate to hurt your feelings, but humans don't work like that. Or at least I don't. None of this sounds like romance!

Au contraire.

[Ahhhw cowntrar. nailed it.]

Ed ended up buyin' pretty heawily into the magnificence a the quadrants. Or at least comprehendin' 'em.

I'd really giwe 'em a consideration, if I were you. Ewen if you weren't into the whole kismesis angle with your homeless lookin' nemesis, you could benefit from hawin' somebody else auspisticize the fuckin' mess.

Or maybe I can do the opposite of what he fucking wants and ignore him.

I don't need anyone in on that anyway.

And what if your ignorin' him makes him start rampin' up the sewerity a his techniques? What if people start dyin' 'cos you won't acknowledge his caliginous leanins or do shit all about it?

That's on you.

Voice

viced - 2012-07-03 01:26 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 01:29 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 01:37 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 01:58 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:01 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:05 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:06 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:12 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:14 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:15 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:26 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:28 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:31 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:33 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:35 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:37 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:43 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:44 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:46 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:47 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:51 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 02:51 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 02:53 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 03:01 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 03:04 (UTC) - Expand

amoray - 2012-07-03 07:56 (UTC) - Expand

viced - 2012-07-03 14:25 (UTC) - Expand