[text]

[onmyneck]

Sometimes, I feel as if I am in one long infomercial. I'm sure you've seen those awkward middle aged people fail to complete basic tasks in their daily life. In fact, at times I denied the idea that any person could be uncoordinated enough to cut their finger while chopping a large tomato in half. How wrong I was.

Unfortunately, I feel like I am that stage of my life right now. Everything is still undersaturated, and I've managed to cut off three fingers when preparing soup. Of course, I can't cook anything that doesn't involve a microwave, but let's leave that alone for the sake of my overextended simile.

Someday, I hope I will reach the point that the saturation will brighten and I'll be able to buy a handy new product for $99.99 plus shipping and handling. Maybe it'll chop up my onions quickly, or be able to send me back to my actual universe where it at least makes some vague sense. Until then, I suppose I have to cut my fingers a few more times.

In summation, I hope someone will hire me to act in an infomercial.

Comments

[glowsferatu]

No
No You Really Dont
Allow Their Alleged Majesty Alone To Paint The Mental Image For You
And Dont Feel The Need To Thank Me At All

[onmyneck]

The alleged majesty will do just fine for me.

[glowsferatu]

Perhaps One Day You Can Be Educated On The Topic With The Full Enthusiasm It Demands
I Simply Cannot Muster It
Even Facetiously

[onmyneck]

I'm sure you'll muster it someday.

[glowsferatu]

I Dread To Think Of It
But Perhaps You Will Be There On That Day To Provide The Accompanying Beat
Together We Can Accomplish One Of The Most Baffling And Awkward Rap-Offs In The History Of Paradox Space

[onmyneck]

It's a matter of time.

[glowsferatu]

No One Will Expect It
We Will Blow Them All Away