[text]

[onmyneck]

Sometimes, I feel as if I am in one long infomercial. I'm sure you've seen those awkward middle aged people fail to complete basic tasks in their daily life. In fact, at times I denied the idea that any person could be uncoordinated enough to cut their finger while chopping a large tomato in half. How wrong I was.

Unfortunately, I feel like I am that stage of my life right now. Everything is still undersaturated, and I've managed to cut off three fingers when preparing soup. Of course, I can't cook anything that doesn't involve a microwave, but let's leave that alone for the sake of my overextended simile.

Someday, I hope I will reach the point that the saturation will brighten and I'll be able to buy a handy new product for $99.99 plus shipping and handling. Maybe it'll chop up my onions quickly, or be able to send me back to my actual universe where it at least makes some vague sense. Until then, I suppose I have to cut my fingers a few more times.

In summation, I hope someone will hire me to act in an infomercial.

Comments

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[foreshadower]

Or, perhaps, you could simply learn to use a knife properly? I've heard it can be quite difficult to master, and yet somehow before all of these delightful little inventions, we somehow managed to feed our barbaric selves.

[video]

[foreverbouncing]

I think you mean 'Five Easy Payments of 19.99', instead of 99.99?

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[ichoosefight]

Just make sure you save one finger for your Life Alert.

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[glowsferatu]

Was This All One Pointless Extended Introduction To Your Desire To Acquire Employment