capeandcowl | voice;

Entry tags:

eridan ampora | prince of hope

voice;

So.

Any a you ewer had a nemesis before? Like fated fuckin' contentiousness, always gettin' up each others' gills doin' shit just to irritate 'em, duelin' to practically the death, maybe makin' out a little, that kinda thing.

See, I'm in the market for just that particular arrangement, and while I'm personally a master of the bellicose arts and don't need any adwice or nothin', I obwiously got a wested interest in how humans go about poorly imitatin' the quadrant. What with my bein' the main troll-human confidante in these parts and such.

[he pronounces it "con-fee-dawn-tay". also he means intermediary.]

Despite most of you bein' from a society bearin' a sewerely inferior romance system and therefore gettin' your emotions all scrambled up wrong from the get-go 'cos of it, I'd appreciate hearin' some personal tales.

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Oh! Oh! Now you want me to calm down! Why should I calm down, Nygma, tell me, give me one good reason why I should yield to your impertinent demands?! Why should I cease losing my shit, enlighten me!

Because now I've encrypted our conversation so any emotion expressed here on out isn't for show, and you'd leave yourself open to very unflattering interpretation.

No! Fuck you, you made your cocoon and pissed in it, now dive head first into the curdled slime-ammonia cocktail and lie in it! You wanted a show? Well you've got a private goddamn viewing now, here's your VIP ticket to Go Drown In A Septic Tank, brought to you by Bullshitway! Act One is titled I Don't Give A Fuck About Your Interpretations, Unflattering or Not! Now sit down, shut your mouth and pay attention.

That was actually sort of funny.

Oh, you think that's funny? Then you're going to find it fucking hilarious when we roll into Act Two, also known as If You Don't Have Anything Meaningful To Say In The Next Ten Nanoseconds I'm Going To Direct A Laser Guided Hate Missile Directly Between Your Oculars.

Edited 2012-09-27 22:42 (UTC)

Question. Are there any dance numbers?

That's during the grand finale in which I do a glorious pirouette off the handle before kicking you in the bulge. Repeatedly.

See, Karkat, that's giving the wrong impression.

I. Don't. Care. About your god damn impressions!

You're simply going to allow yourself to be consumed with emotion?

The only thing I'm being consumed with right now is an overwhelming compulsion to flip every sloppy shit I have directly into your smug awful face. [ that's pretty much a yes. ]

And you wonder why I'm not keen to meet in person.

You say that like I'm chomping at the bit to have to deal with you face to face.

I'm surprised you haven't thought about it.

I have thought about it. In the same way someone thinks about the likelihood that they may one day come down with troll rabies.

[ there's a pause, though. his breathing evens out a little and becomes less audible as he collects himself, at least temporarily, in response to the train of thought this line of conversation sparked off. ]

But -- okay, I'll admit, I don't know how secure this blabbering over the network shit really is. I'm too used to everything being public. It makes me fucking antsy, do we really have to talk to each other right in the middle of Eridan's broadcast? Aren't we tempting fate here?

If this were any other encryption, perhaps. But mine are foolproof, and thus, Eridanproof.

My coding comes in riddles.

[Spoken so smugly!!]

But it's understandable that you'd want to see me in person, as you're working your logic towards.

[Smugger!!!]

I don't want to see you in person, you narcissistic douche. I just don't like talking to you here. [ it feels kind of like bad form... ] Can you try to hold your impertinent interjections in where he can see if you insist on inflicting your conversation on me more than necessary? Mother of fuck. You'd think this would be basic.

You're not versed in psychology, I shouldn't be irritated at you for your inability to comprehend.

You're obviously close to him, if I didn't comment upon and to you, he'd get suspicious. It would be as if I was consciously avoiding you, and then he would have to ask himself: why?

And then he would have to ask me.

I'm not close to him! [ INDIGNANT yes this is what he centers in on. ]

You are close to him, comparatively. You paint your nails with him and you vomit unnerving poetry at him and you sometimes have vaguely civil conversation with him.

The fact that two of the three things mentioned only happen because I asked you too doesn't factor, because he doesn't realize I'm behind them. He thinks it's all you, so he thinks you're interested in his company.

[ uuuugh, eddie, he hates when you make sense. especially when that sense has to go and make him feel guilty. ]

Okay, okay, fine, point taken. But you cannot sit there and try to tell me you jumped in here out of some elaborate cover scheme. This was nothing more than you being a smirking, shit-eating bag of desiccated bulges gaining a sick pleasure from my public humiliation. You didn't need to contribute jack shit to this conversation. You just did it because you're an asshole.

I would be lying if I said I didn't take some enjoyment, true. But the fact stands: my motions are well-executed and utilitarian as much as enjoyable.

What are we going to do when he does figure it out, though?

My, you are a pessimistic one.

It's not pessimism, you turdbag. Are you trying to tell me you don't have a single contingency plan lined up? What if he-- [ he breaks off abruptly. ohhh, right.

there don't have to be what-ifs.

very deliberately: ]

Eridan Ampora will find out that Karkat Vantas and Edward Nygma are and have been in cahoots and conspiring behind his back.

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