[video]

[smarterthandad]

[There is a blue-eyed child looking at you. She can't be more than three. She is, however, wearing a very grown-up expression of dissatisfaction. And some kind of superhero outfit with a big "6" on the chest.

Ordinarily, Val would be cagier about immediately going public in a strange place, but, well, she has A Problem. When she speaks, it's with fully adult syntax and no hint of a lisp or any other childish speech impediment.]

Hi. I'm Valeria Richards. Assuming no alternate timeline stuff--not a safe assumption, I know, but sometimes you gotta live dangerously--it looks like there are a few people out there who're friends of my parents. You've got a couple of hours to come get me before they [she turns the phone to show a pair of what are presumably social workers, looking simultaneously put-upon and patient] try to stick me in foster care and things get sketchy.

[Anyone who knows Val will know that's more for the prospective foster parents' protection than hers. No one wants her turning some unfortunate family's appliances into her robot escape army.]

...'Bye.

Comments

[mocks]

Julian's a good kid. [But she isn't sure she'd let him babysit...] Clint's a big boy. He can handle anything you throw at 'im. Besides, the Mansion is big enough for everybody. And we've got dogs.

[smarterthandad]

[Val does not actually care about dogs, unless they're robot dogs.]

Well, Mom and Dad were on the Avengers that one time. [And everyone knows once that happens, you can never escape.]

[mocks]

[Once and always.]

I'll have Clint make dinner. What would you like?

[smarterthandad]

Hot dogs!

[What, she's three.]

[mocks]

Here's hoping he doesn't mess 'em up.

Where are you now, Valeria? Are you somewhere safe?

[smarterthandad]

Mr. Stark's picking me up, so I'm probably going to Stark Tower. He has a Stark Tower here, I assume. [Because Tony.]

[mocks]

He sure does. And he's got the Mansion, too, but only Clint and I live there now.

If you'd like, I could meet you and Tony at the Tower. I'll bring the hotdogs with me.

[smarterthandad]

Doesn't that take the fun out of making Mr. Barton cook them? [She just sort of assumes Clint's incompetent at anything that doesn't involve arrows, oops.]

[mocks]

[This is a correct assumption, because Valeria is clearly a very intelligent person.]

You're right, it does. We'll put a hold on the hotdogs until later, once we've worked up our appetites.

[smarterthandad]

[She gets most of her opinions on other superheroes from listing to Ben and Johnny gossip.]

Uh. Realistically speaking, I'm probably going to end up at the mansion in a week. [Because there is no way she will stay out of Tony's stuff, and she's basically a tiny Reed he can't yell at without coming off as a horrible person.]

[mocks]

Take as much time as you like, sweetie. Our door is wide open to you.

[And when she's done playing with Tony's toys, she can always get into Bobbi's lab.]

We're having a barbecue next weekend. Mister Stark'll be there, maybe he'd be kind enough to bring you, if you're up for it.

[Spoilers: it's a wedding party.]

[smarterthandad]

[But biochemistry is so...Hank Pym.]

Anyone else I might know?

[Don't tell her it's a wedding; she'll assume it's going to get attacked.]

[mocks]

[Don't she know it. :(]

Well, let's see. Doctor McCoy will be there. And Quicksilver. And Shulkie, naturally.

[smarterthandad]

Aunt Jen is here?

[mocks]

She sure is!

[smarterthandad]

The selection algorithm is odd.

[And suddenly she's coming off like Reed again.]

[mocks]

It's not just odd, it's downright perplexing. Some people you see here again and again, others never, others still get stuck here for years on end.

[smarterthandad]

Well, I can look for trends, but Type I errors are always a risk there.

[mocks]

Well, I've no doubt you'll be mindful of that while gathering your information. I'd be curious to see your conclusions, by the way.

[smarterthandad]

[Conclusion: panfandom RP.]

I had the hardest time not seeing patterns in everything for ages.

[She means for like a month after her intelligence exploded, because three year old timescale.]

[mocks]

At least you got it sorted out now. Some folks make it all the way through life without figuring that one out.

[smarterthandad]

Yeah, people in general aren't really suited to orderly thinking.

[That could have sounded horribly insulting, but Val just says it matter-of-factly.]

[mocks]

We're only human, sweet pea.

[smarterthandad]

I know. I always plan for that.

[Val that's not how you respond to that platitude.]