capeandcowl | [video]

[There is a blue-eyed child looking at you. She can't be more than three. She is, however, wearing a very grown-up expression of dissatisfaction. And some kind of superhero outfit with a big "6" on the chest.

Ordinarily, Val would be cagier about immediately going public in a strange place, but, well, she has A Problem. When she speaks, it's with fully adult syntax and no hint of a lisp or any other childish speech impediment.]

Hi. I'm Valeria Richards. Assuming no alternate timeline stuff--not a safe assumption, I know, but sometimes you gotta live dangerously--it looks like there are a few people out there who're friends of my parents. You've got a couple of hours to come get me before they [she turns the phone to show a pair of what are presumably social workers, looking simultaneously put-upon and patient] try to stick me in foster care and things get sketchy.

[Anyone who knows Val will know that's more for the prospective foster parents' protection than hers. No one wants her turning some unfortunate family's appliances into her robot escape army.]

...'Bye.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can usually talk one of my uncles or Spider-Man into getting it for me, but that's not really the point. [He's reminding her that all the people who can understand how she feels are in another universe.]

...Ice cream is trivial. [And that's how Julian ended up with a fusion-powered ice cream maker in his room.]

[ Well at least Spider-Man is here? ]

You're like, three years old. Ice cream should be your reason for living.

Julian, I stopped being a normal kid when I developed the ability to do hyperspace calculations in my head.

[Not that she doesn't still like ice cream, mind you.]

Kid, are you really gonna have the conversation about what it means to be normal with a mutant?

[ Because honestly, not being normal makes him like you more. That's just how it is. ]

Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't think I would recognize normal if it opened a portal into the Baxter Building and said it needed to talk to Dad, so I'd be at something of a disadvantage there.

[What do you mean most people don't need black magic to make sure they're born alive?]

I’ll tell you what normal is. It’s boring, you’d hate it. Normal would be you going to kindergarten and playing with Legos, and maybe not building a nuclear reactor out of them. [ Maybe. ] Normal sucks.

ABS plastic has none of the material properties you want in a nuclear reactor.

See, where we're different is that I don't want a nuclear anything in my bedroom.

[ Because aside from that they're totally the same. ]

Fusion reactors are safe when designed correctly. The Baxter Building uses decentralized redundant ones to power some of the security features.

[You know, like you do.]

[ Oh yes, that sounds very safe. Deadpan: ]

I’m really glad you told me that after a dragon ripped its way through the place.

[DON'T MENTION THE DRAGON IN PUBLIC.

OR PRIVATE.

JUST NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.]

Whatever you're imagining, it's probably fission. Fusion plants can't melt down and don't generate radioactive byproducts. Worst case is plasma venting, and maybe some free tritium.

[ Whatever, it’s not like her dad is here. ]

You say that like plasma venting is totally normal and safe. [ He has no idea what tritium is... ] I think you’re too smart for your own good. [ Beat. ] And my own good.

[But he might be one day!]

Fire is a plasma. You don't flip out when someone lights a match, do you?

[There is no such thing as "too smart" oh my god, Julian.]

I might if you were venting it in my face.

[ Look there's more to life than thinking about stuff, okay Val?

He frowns for a second. ]

Are you still being babysat by social workers?

[ God how did it take him so long to ask?! ]

Mr. Stark's gonna pick me up.

[Because obviously that's so much safer than people trained in childcare.]

[ Jesus Christ there's a chance that's worse than dragons.

Eyeing her. ]

You're kidding.

What? He and Dad go way back.

[The Superhuman Registration Act was just a barrel of laughs, right?]

[ God she really is her father’s daughter. ]
Your dad goes way back with half of the Avengers! Why Stark?

He has lab space, funds, and extensive information-gathering capabilities.

[Look, if Doom were here, she'd be going with him. Tony's practically Mr. Rogers in that contest.]

[ ...She'd be going with Doom.

Of course she would. God damnit no wonder this kid had needed a babysitter. The bad life decisions are strong with this one. ]

Information gathering? Whatever, Val. Even I know you don't need Tony Stark to spy for you. You hacked the systems on an alien spacecraft, I think you could manage a Network where everyone holds their own camera all the time.

[She learned by watching Reed.]

It's not just these cellphones. It's the whole planet. He'll already have done the indexing. Repeating work is inefficient.

[PS STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT NIGHT.]

[ MAKE HIM. ]

Why do you need to spy on the whole planet, Val? That’s why God invented CNN.

[Is that really a challenge you want to issue, Julian?]

Ted Turner invented CNN. And anyway, they're sloppy.

[ He’s not afraid of a three year old kid. Even if she can fly spaceships and summon dragons, whatever. ]

See, why do you even know that? You don’t need to know stuff like who invented which multinational media giant. And anyway, we’re getting off the point, which is that I can’t believe you chose Tony freaking Stark as your babysitter.

[She'll sic Laura on him.

The dragon was a mistake. She'd been trying for non-carnivorous dinosaurs.]

I don't really forget anything, Julian. And he's not babysitting me.

[She's about to insist she does't need a babysitter, but that might open the door to more discussions of The Incident, which she doesn't want.]

He's a colleague.

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