capeandcowl | [video]

[There is a blue-eyed child looking at you. She can't be more than three. She is, however, wearing a very grown-up expression of dissatisfaction. And some kind of superhero outfit with a big "6" on the chest.

Ordinarily, Val would be cagier about immediately going public in a strange place, but, well, she has A Problem. When she speaks, it's with fully adult syntax and no hint of a lisp or any other childish speech impediment.]

Hi. I'm Valeria Richards. Assuming no alternate timeline stuff--not a safe assumption, I know, but sometimes you gotta live dangerously--it looks like there are a few people out there who're friends of my parents. You've got a couple of hours to come get me before they [she turns the phone to show a pair of what are presumably social workers, looking simultaneously put-upon and patient] try to stick me in foster care and things get sketchy.

[Anyone who knows Val will know that's more for the prospective foster parents' protection than hers. No one wants her turning some unfortunate family's appliances into her robot escape army.]

...'Bye.

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Uncle Johnny is my godfather too, but Uncle Doom saved my life, and Mom's, and I'm under his protection. ...And he doesn't mind me calling him that.

[Val doesn't seem to realize, or is ignoring how bizarre her relationship with Doom is.]

I'm sure he doesn't mind.

[ Actually, he really didn't know. This was Doom, but then again, stranger things had happened. Like being trapped in an age of Arthrian legend with Doctor Doom.

The only thing he could really do was roll with it. ]

That's still a little...odd.

I'm three years old and I can do teleport calculations in my head in real time, I have a brother who's basically a god, and you're hung up on what I call a guy you don't even like?

[Yeah, she knows she and Namor are the only people who can stand Doom.]

Yes, I am.

Because it's Victor Von Doom.

[ That's his point! ]

[Jeez, Tony.]

He's not even here.

[Which is a good thing, because she'd have gone with him.]

How does your dad feel about you calling him that?

[ Tony Stark: Terrible with children. ]

He's never said anything one way or another.

[Possibly because he had bigger problems at the time it really came up.]

[ Damn. There goes his leverage. ]

Well, if he doesn't mind, I guess there's nothing I can say, other than I still think it's weird.

[It wouldn't have worked, anyway, given what Val does with parental decrees she doesn't like.]

Regardless what my family--or you--think of him, he always keeps his word, and Dad knows that. I'm in no danger from him.

[Yes, she is defending Victor von Doom's extremely questionable virtue.]

Oh, I'm well aware of that.

He'll follow the letter of his word to a T.

[ Sourly, but after a moment, he's going to drop it. No need to keep arguing with a three year old about the merits of Dr. Doom's unscrupulous habits. ]

I can outmaneuver him if I have to. In a few years I'll be even better at it.

[If her stupid future self is anything to go by.

Val returns to her equations, serenely confident that only she can outsmart herself.]

Generally, outmaneuvering Doom isn't too hard, especially when he gets overconfident.

Or when his ego gets the better of him.

[ He's not even typing, or doing much of anything. Just leaning against a table still, running figures and information through his head even while the screens reflected any number of projections.

Mostly regarding speed, and the effects on what would happen about different types of metals and materials.

Perhaps he was a little obsessed with improvement. ]

I'm sure in a few years, he won't have a chance. If he did now.

Oh, I don't know anyone with ego problems.

[Val is well aware that she's surrounded by people with huge egos all the time.

Hi, Tony.]

No, nobody.

[ The sarcasm is not exactly difficult to pick up on, that was for sure. It was practically slathered on there. ]

I mean, we're the most modest people in the country. Me, your father, your -- uncle -- Doom.

[ Now that the shock has worn off, it's starting to sound hilarious. ]

[It's inherently more hilarious than "Uncle Victor" would be, it's true.]

Feigned modesty is just another form of egoism, anyway.

What about sarcastic modesty?

[ He wasn't about to fake it, certainly. He knew he was too good for that. ]

I suppose that's probably even worse.

Dad doesn't actually have a sense of humor, so I've never seen it in action.

[And Ben and Johnny aren't burdened by modesty of any description.]

It's hiding in there.

[ Almost wryly. ]

I promise, you can almost see it, if you turn your head and squint.