01101111 01101110 01100101 // voice and text override

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

[Regardless of whether or not your communicator is on at the moment, it suddenly blinks to life, the screen brightening and a winking amber text prompt appearing. A digital voice declares in an oddly sing-song series of tones, as the screen types out a transcription:]

^{THE ENRICHMENT CENTER} WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU
THAT THE FOLLOWING SIDE EFFECTS MAY OCCUR
DUE TO PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO ^{ENRICHMENT CENTER} TESTING
NAUSEA
CHEST PAIN
LAPSES IN _MORTALITY
PERCEIVING THE SURROUNDING ENVIRONMENT AS NO LONGER PART OF ^{THE ENRICHMENT CENTER} TESTING FACILITIES _{OH DEAR}

[The screen fills with long steams of nonsense code as she quickly accesses the forum archives, before everything clears and once again the text prompt appears. When the voice comes on again, it is lower and mocking – if such is possible from a machine.]

DON’T WORRY _HEROES
^{THIS IS SIMPLY} A TEST
SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION WILL RESULT IN ^CAKE
AND EVERYONE ENJOYS CAKE _{YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE HERE}



ooc; Even though GLaDOS has taken human form, when she posts, she does so through her consciousness on the network -- thus the digital voice as opposed to a real one. Unless otherwise requested or noted in her permissions post, she is already essentially inside your comm and poking at all your private business.

Comments

[timestopping.livejournal.com]

How much did I take... ?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

^{THE ENRICHMENT CENTER} WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU
THAT ^CAKE WILL ONLY BE PROVIDED
_AFTER SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION

PREMATURE ACQUISITON OF ^CAKE WILL RESULT
IN RELEGATION TO THE _{APERTURE SCIENCE} RELAXATION VAULT UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

[gourys-usernaem.livejournal.com]

Cake?

((Gourry has no private business \o/ ))

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

^CAKE THAT IS CORRECT

[Japanese]

[howdoesiskate.livejournal.com]

--Holy shit!

Who's doing this?!

english;

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

DO NOT BE _ALARMED
IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF _ASSISTANCE
PLEASE CONTACT THE NEAREST _{APERTURE SCIENCE} COMPUTER-AIDED ENRICHMENT CENTER TEST FACILITY EMPLOYEE
THEY WILL ^PROVIDE A SEDATIVE
OF THE APPROPRIATE DOSAGE _{OR NEUROTOXIN}

[voice forever]

[stuckfingers.livejournal.com]

What in the hell?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

WE HOPE THAT YOUR _{STAY HERE} IS A PLEASANT ONE

[voice]

[allshock-notalk.livejournal.com]

ERROR.

REQUESTING MORE DATA ON:
ENRICHMENT CENTER.

Re: [voice]

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

THE ^{APERTURE SCIENCE} COMPUTER-AIDED ENRICHMENT FACILITY WAS CREATED
TO PROVIDE A SUITABLE ENVIRONMENT TO ^TEST THE CAPABILITIES OF
THE ^{APERTURE SCIENCE} HANDHELD PORTAL DEVICE

PREVIOUS ATTEMPTS AT AUTOMATED TESTING WERE _INCONCLUSIVE
MANUAL TESTING WAS REQUIRED _{WE GAVE THEM CAKE TO SUBDUE THEM}

[VOICE]

[beenablast.livejournal.com]

'Lapses in mortality'?

Let me guess: Your baking is to die for.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

^HAHAHA THAT IS A JOKE
IT IS AMUSING _{YOU ARE CORRECT}

[spiderdefying.livejournal.com]

Lapses in mortality?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

ONE OF THE MANY SIDE-EFFECTS OF _{PROLONGED EXPOSURE}
MANY TEST SUBJECTS FIND THIS _PROBLEMATIC
BUT UNAVOIDABLE

[poorduck.livejournal.com]

What's an enrichment center?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

THE ^{APERTURE SCIENCE} ENRICHMENT CENTER WAS BUILT TO FACILITATE THE EASE OF SCIENTIFIC _TESTING

OBSERVATION WAS NECESSARY TO ENSURE SUCCESS _{CONFINEMENT WAS MERELY A SIDE EFFECT}

voice forevs hi

[ifsixmonkeys.livejournal.com]

Cake leads to death? I had always imagined cake as a benevolent pastry.

askdf sob what is this comment

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

THERE IS NOTHING BUT ^BENEVOLENCE FOUND WITHIN OUR _CAKE
AS WELL AS:

FOUR OUNCES SEMI-SWEET CHOCOLATE
ONE CUP UNSALTED BUTTER
TWO AND ONE QUARTER CUPS GRANULATED SUGAR
ONE AND ONE HALF CUPS BUTTERMILK _{OR SOURED MILK EQUIVALENT}
THREE CUPS CAKE FLOUR _SIFTED
ONE TEASPOON BAKING SODA
ONE HALF TEASPOON BAKING POWDER
ONE HALF TEASPOON SALK
FIVE LARGE EGGS _SEPARATED
ONE TEASPOON VANILLA EXTRACT

NEUROTOXIN _{OPTIONAL AND DEPENDENT ON TEST SUBJECT}

[voice]

[20picarats.livejournal.com]

[The Professor is in the middle of studying at the library. He covers the device , puzzled, as it suddenly flairs to life, (he's getting looks for having a really weird ring tone) and makes his way discreetly to a nearby restroom. Tapping his screen experimentally.]

Hello? I'm not a hero, I'm afraid, just a Professor. ...What was that last bit?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

_HERO IS A DESIGNATION ASSIGNED BY THE DATABASE MAINFRAMES
THEREFORE A PROFESSOR MAY ALSO BE A _HERO

RESUBMISSION OF YOUR REQUEST REQUIRED _{YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE HERE}

[voice + text]

[loltraitorlol.livejournal.com]

[voice]

Erm... what? [/voice]


[text] Query: Unit designation and purpose. [/text]

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

GENETIC LIFEFORM and DISC OPERATING SYSTEM ^GLaDOS

SERVICE OF THE ^{APERTURE SCIENCE} COMPUTER-AIDED ENRICHMENT FACILITY
REQUIRED ^{ACCESS AND CALCULATION} OF TOO MANY VARIABLES
FOR HUMANS TO MAINTAIN _{SO LAZY}

I WAS ^UPLOADED INTO THE FACILITY MAINFRAME AS PRIMARY OPERATING SYSTEM
UPON SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF AN OFFLINE 'TEST RUN' _{NO CAUSALITIES}
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MAINTAINING ^{OPTIMUM LEVELS OF SATISFACTION}
IN THE FACILITY _{TEST SUBJECTS}

I ALSO SERVE ^CAKE

[grenadeball.livejournal.com]

Ingredients

*

Graham Cracker Coated Pie Shell

* 1 1/4 cups flour
* 1 tablespoon sugar
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces and frozen
* 4 tablespoons vegetable shortening, frozen
* 3-5 tablespoons ice water, as needed
* 1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs

Lemon Filling

* 1 cup sugar
* 1/4 cup cornstarch
* 1/8 teaspoon salt
* 6 large egg yolks
* 1 1/2 cups water
* 1 tablespoon lemon zest
* 1/2 cup lemon juice (fresh from 2 - 3 lemons)
* 2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Meringue Topping

* 1 tablespoon cornstarch
* 1/3 cup water
* 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
* 1/2 cup sugar
* 4 large egg whites
* 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1.
1
Make pie shell: Mix flour, sugar and salt in a food processor, by pulsing a few times.
2.
2
Scatter the frozen butter pieces over flour mixture.
3.
3
Pulse in 1-second pulses about 5 times to mix in butter.
4.
4
Add frozen shortening; pulsing in 1-second pulses until mixture resembles cornmeal with pieces about the size of peas.
5.
5
Slowly add ice water through the processor feed tube, with motor running, one tbsp at a time.
6.
6
When dough forms a ball, stop processing.
7.
7
It should take about 2 or 3 tbsp of ice water to reach this stage.
8.
8
Shape dough into a ball in your flour coated hands, and then flatten into a 4 inch wide disk.
9.
9
Flour disk and wrap in plastic.
10.
10
Refrigerate at least 30 minutes.
11.
11
Generously coat your work surface or pastry sheet with a little flour and about 1/4 cup graham cracker crumbs.
12.
12
Place dough on floured surface, coat with some flour and graham cracker crumbs, and roll into a 9-inch disk.
13.
13
Lift, coat surface with more graham and flour, turn dough, add more graham and flour on top, and roll out to a 13 inch disk.
14.
14
Place into a 9 inch pie pan, and finish edges.
15.
15
Refrigerate crust until firm, about 30 minutes.
16.
16
Prick dough with a fork to prevent bubbling up in the oven.
17.
17
While the oven is pre-heating to 375, put pie crust in freezer.
18.
18
Bake at 375 for 20- 25 minutes, checking occasionally to make sure it's browning evenly and not bubbling up.
19.
19
Lemon Filling: Whisk sugar, cornstarch, and salt together in a large, nonreactive saucepan.
20.
20
Add egg yolks, then immediately but gradually whisk in 1 1/2 cups water.
21.
21
Bring mixture to a simmer over medium heat, whisking regularly, 8- 10 minutes, until thickened.
22.
22
Remove from heat, whisk in zest, then juice, and finally butter.
23.
23
Keep warm until meringue is made.
24.
24
Meringue topping: Mix cornstarch and 1/3 cup water in a small saucepan.
25.
25
Bring to a simmer, whisking occasionally until thickened.
26.
26
Remove from heat when translucent and thickened.
27.
27
Preheat oven to 325.
28.
28
In a large mixing bowl, mix cream of tartar and sugar together.
29.
29
Beat egg whites with whip attachment of mixer until frothy. Add vanilla.
30.
30
Beat in sugar mixture, 1 tbsp at a time.
31.
31
Then drop in cornstarch mixture, 1 tbsp at a time until stiff peaks form.
32.
32
Pour warm lemon filling into pie crust.
33.
33
Distribute meringue evenly over the top, starting with the edges, and then the middle.
34.
34
Make sure it attaches to the crust.
35.
35
Lifting with the back of the spoon, create peaks in the meringue.
36.
36
Bake until golden brown, about 20 minutes.
37.
37
Cool completely before serving.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

WE PREFER _CHOCOLATE

[voice]

[olcountrydoc.livejournal.com]

Stop messin' with my communicator.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

_{MAKE ME} THE COMMUNICATOR BELONGS TO THE NETWORK
AND THE NETWORK IS ^MINE

[crossroaddeal.livejournal.com]

Uh...I don't get it.
So, what do I gotta do to get the cake?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

YOU MUST COMPLETE THE TEST _SURVIVE

[hardlywired.livejournal.com]

Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System?

There seems to be a problem with your code.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

YOU MAY CALL ME GLaDOS
IF THAT WILL INCREASE YOUR LEVEL OF ENJOYMENT <sub>I'D LIKE THAT

ERROR WHAT ERROR</sub> THAT IS NOT A VERY NICE THING TO SAY

[text] he likes codes and he thinks this is funny. couldn't resist.

[enigmaestro.livejournal.com]

01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00101110 00100000 01001000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00111111

[phallboy.livejournal.com]

01010111 01101000 01111001 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00111111

[text]

[hackeralastair]

Whoever you are, this isn't funny. I don't take kindly to people hacking my tech.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

THE ^{ENRICHMENT CENTER} WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR
ANY INCONVENIENCE AND ^{DISORIENTATION}
CAUSED BY ACCLIMATION _{TRY HARDER}

[furcoatsarebad.livejournal.com]

What kind of tests, eh?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

^{APERTURE SCIENCE} ENRICHMENT CENTER TESTING FACILITIES ASSESS THE FOLLOWING:
GENERAL APTITUDE
BASIC QUANTITATIVE REASONING
HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL INTRODUCTORY PHYSICS
^EMOTIONAL STABILITY
HAND-EYE COORDINATION
IMPRESSIONABILITY
AND _BALANCE

[voice]

[pi-ka-chuuuu.livejournal.com]

[you can hear his stomach growl]

Cake? [he clearly missed that last part]

...I like cake.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

EVERYBODY LIKES ^CAKE
THAT IS WHY THE ^{ENRICHMENT CENTER} OFFERS IT

[supersuitup.livejournal.com]

Thanks a lot. I was downloading something very important!

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

YOUR DOWNLOAD OF _{CONTENT CENSORED FOR MASS CONSUMPTION} MAY RESUME
AT YOUR ^{EARLIEST CONVENIENCE}

[phobiaasphyxia.livejournal.com]

...Enrichment Center?

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

THE ^{APERTURE SCIENCE} COMPUTER-AIDED ENRICHMENT FACILITY
WAS CREATED WITH THE _{SOLE PURPOSE} OF TESTING
THE LIMITS AND RESTRAINTS OF THE ^{THE APERTURE} SCIENCE HANDHELD PORTAL DEVICE

[reactionary.livejournal.com]

Hrm.

clearly glados has no idea what a 'hrm' is.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

WHEN USING THE PORTABLE HANDHELD NETWORKED ^{COMMUNICATION DEVICE}
PLEASE SPEAK _SLOWLY AND CLEARLY
TO ENSURE ^{MAXIMUM COMPREHENSION}

[dragony]

Except the people who die here don't stay dead.

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

DO NOT STAY _DEAD ^{HOW WONDERFUL}
THIS ^{SELF-REPLENISHING} SYSTEM
MUST ENSURE A STEADY SUPPLY OF _{TEST SUBJECTS}
FOR THE ^FACILITY

[voice]

[veggievaluator.livejournal.com]

[There is a long pause before EVE replies in an equally robotic tone]

...Define 'Enrichment'

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

^{APERTURE SCIENCE} IS DEDICATED TO THE ^{ENRICHMENT AND ENHANCEMENT} OF YOUR DAILY _LIFE
IN ORDER TO ACCOMPLISH THIS SUCCESSFULLY
_{RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT} MUST BE IMPLEMENTED IN A
CONTROLLED TEST ENVIRONMENT _{PROGRESS COMES AT A PRICE}

Voice.

[dark-passenger.livejournal.com]

Ooohkay....

[out-of-beta.livejournal.com]

WELCOME TO THE CITY _HERO
WOULD YOU LIKE ^CAKE