capeandcowl | [Video]

[A man in a strange one-eyed mask glares into the camera, studying it to make sure it's working. He looks singed up and it's possible he's still smoldering.]

All right, what's this horseshit? Seriously.

[His voice is hoarse, and he coughs a bit.]

I show up here, wherever the hell this is, against my will, some robot voice starts narrating some sci-fi crap to me, saying they're gonna try to enlist me as a damn peacekeeper for some planet that isn't even mine.

[A minor grunt of pain.]

So, naturally, I shoot up the joint and try to get whoever's jerkin' my chain to show himself, and I get about a million volts up my ass for my trouble. What, I'm NOT supposed to try and shoot whoever the hell's kidnapped me in the face? Last time I got shuffled off to another fucking planet, it ended ugly for the pricks who did it to me.

[Another groan, as his head falls into his hand.]

So I crawl my fried ass outside, only to get rolled up on by some two-bit cops who scoop me up and drop me in a holding cell in some dingy precinct that hasn't seen a mop since the 70s. Who do I gotta talk to to get the hell out of this joint and get a pack of smokes? I ain't about to pay prison prices for those things.

[His head thunks back against the gray brick wall behind him.]

And don't tell me we're having another goddamn "crisis." Even if that's true, don't tell me that shit. I'm sick of hearing about it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[You get a snort and an eyeroll, bucko.]

So nice of you to notice.

Kinda hard not to.

I take it not everybody gets tossed into the Gray Bar Hotel as soon as they get here.

Nah, you're the only one so far who got tossed in the minute they got here. Congrats, you set a record.

Well, ain't that a peach.

Wonder what the record is for getting laid.

You'd have to ask James Bond about that one, heh. You're probably already too late.

Pff. Yeah, right.

Next you'll be telling me Han Solo's here.

Heh. About that...

'S a guy here who looks and sounds a helluva lot like him. Kinda new.

Since you're stuck in jail, you might as well do some reading of recent stuff, yeah?

I've barely figured out the basics on this thing.

Are you really tryin' to tell me this place has real-life movie characters running around?

If that's the case, this just went from annoying to stupid.