[video]

[hesverytidy]

[The camera comes on but it's not being held right. It starts showing the view of a sidewalk but as the recording goes on it sort of spins slowly around, like the man holding it is playing with it, not realising what it does exactly. He knew enough about it to know vaguely what it's supposed to do, since he had been sitting for hours playing with it, working through the welcome-to-the-City literature, and trying not to have a meltdown and wondering if maybe the poison had killed him and this was some weird afterlife test--thus is why it's recording and why he sorta knows what to do with it, is what I'm saying. When the camera passes past the owner of the comm, you see a man with a decidedly dorky face and an even dorkier helmet on.]

Is it a hero you need? Rest easy, strange metal city, you have Joxer the Mighty on your side now! No other heroes are necessary, everyone else can retire or go into the pottery business or herd sheep or something. I'm on it.

[He sniffs self-importantly and looks into the distance in what he thinks is a handsome, heroic way like Hercules would. It's just too bad the camera is at a bad angle, showing a close, uncomfortable view of the underside of his nose as the central focus.]

So . . . what is it this time? Marauding hordes of looters? Pah, old hat! If I was brought here it had to be for something epic. A chimera maybe--No, a hydra, that's worthy of my marvelous skills and unerring, weasel-like craftiness. Yeah. . . [He squints into that heroic distance, nodding slow and solemn like that's the best option.] Yeah, that sounds about right. Just show me the way, little box. [He points the phone at the distance he's squinting at, shaking it as if it would magically point him in the right direction.]

Comments

video

[daft_old_man]

[People pop in here all the time, but rarely do they pop in looking so fashionable which is worth commenting on]

Hello! That is a fantastic hat!

[hesverytidy]

Oh, uh . . . [He holds the come up very close to his mouth, unfortunately it's backwards so the screen currently is showing his fashionably mismatched boots and sidewalk.] ahem Thank you, little box. Found it myself.

[daft_old_man]

Thank you Doctor and you're welcome you strange little man.

[jewelofborune]

You're from another time, too? This place is very strange. It's not just the buildings, either.

[hesverytidy]

[And for you, dear lady, you get a shot of a garbage can as he talks close to the comm.]

Uh, yeah, yeah I guess I am! I'm from maybe 20 or 30 years ago? I dunno, time was never my strong suit.

[jewelofborune]

[ Erm. ] Is that so? My world is completely different, even the way the years are numbered, but I know that this world had a time similar to mine. I saw it in a book.

I'm certain it was more than thirty years ago, however.

voice

[slingshots]

Well, I'm resting easier.

[hesverytidy]

Yes, I can already feel this City feeling more calm and assured. Children are not scared of whats under their beds this night, and the elderly gum their soft gruel in peace.

[slingshots]

It's definitely the hat. There's a you're safe now vibe in it.

[galactic]

[What is this...]

Are you a hero at home, too?

[hesverytidy]

[Jade has a nice view of his left eyebrow and a lamp on the porter building outside.]

Yes! This goddess chose wisely with me, I was the greatest in all of Greece.

[conflagrations]

Dude, pottery is totally lame.

[hesverytidy]

It's totally for sissies! But there's plenty of other things to do. Grape stomping I hear is fulfilling. Get to keep what's stuck between your toes afterwords.

voice

[aranya]

...Was that a hat?

[hesverytidy]

Yeah! A helmet, really, if you want to get technical. Which you should, since helmets protect your head, and hats are just for decoration or to hide your bald spot.

video;

[sivalesvendetta]

[Oh, no. The only thing funnier than a hero is someone who is trying too hard to be one.]

No hydras, I'm afraid, though if you're so terribly set on fighting one I'm sure I could build you one with the proper equipment.

[hesverytidy]

[He bursts out in the most smug of laughter.]

Stupid, you can't build a hydra!

[Video]

[lovely_aphrodite]

Really?

Between Herc, Xena or Gabrielle, she brings in you?

Lachey is totally off her game.

[hesverytidy]

Ah! Ah hahahahaaha! I knew it. I knew it had to be the gods messin' with me like always. I thought it was weird Lachesis would do something like this, but you, no surprise there!

Video;

[aggressiveapathy]

Sheep.

[hesverytidy]

Yeah, you know, they're about knee-high, wooly, precious li'l faces that go baaa-baaaaaaaaaaa. [He's actually trying to do a decent sheep impressing for your benefit, April.]

video;

[hexappeal]

[Hm, what do. :|a He's kind of a dork, maybe just encourage him a little, Zee?] Nothing quite so grandiose, but welcome to the City, anyway.

[hesverytidy]

[This is baffling, see how his brow furrow under the amazing helmet.]

What's the point of being a hero if there's nothing grandiose.

video

[currentcy]

You could try battling one of these things. They're vicious. [ Turns the camera on a parking meter. ] And everywhere.

[hesverytidy]

[He takes this very seriously, see his serious face?]

It does have a terrible shape! What does it do?