accidental video (backdated like a week!!)

[remake]

[ The video comes on with a loud crack; you've just been high-velocity butt-dialed, C&C. The whole screen is green and blurry, and hopefully none of you Cityzens have motion sickness because shortly after an undignified squeak, there's a booming roar and that's when the scrambling really begins. ]

Oh my god! Ohh my god, oh my god this was a bad idea! [ A giant green hand comes down out of the middle of nowhere, and Miles scurries away from it over one massive shoulder, and it's pretty clear by now to anyone that would recognize him that the new Spider-Man is wall-crawling uselessly all over The Hulk, trying to avoid being grabbed and Smashed. This (and more comical babbling) goes on for like two minutes before finally: ] Why do I, ah!, always do this?

And why am I talking to mysel-- urk!

[ The video abruptly stops bouncing around when Miles gets caught. Suddenly there's a giant puzzled Hulk face taking up the whole screen, sniffing a couple times and then letting out a big wuff of breath. ]

Uhhh. Hi?

[ Aand the feed cuts! Replies will ICly come in an hour or so after the events in Bruce's log here, so he has time to de-Hulk. ]

Comments

[hulk]

I'm not roaming, I'm-- It doesn't matter what I'm doing, not to you, so. Shush. Stop talking to me. Everything's fine, nobody... Got hurt. So. Go away.

[elongates]

Hell-o? Excessive property damage can take people's livelihoods away.

Sometimes, that's enough to kill a man or woman.

[hulk]

[ grimacing ] Then I'll deal with those consequences.

[ beat ]

But unless you went and got appointed-- I don't know. Deputy mayor in charge of Hulks, then. It's not really your business. At all.

[elongates]

I'd rather heighten my aspirations and be world leader in charge of Hulks.

Out of everyone, I think I'd be befitting of the title.

[hulk]

[ wow. tooooooooootally staring at you like you're crazy. cause guess what. ]

...You're insane.

[elongates]

I'm noble. Some people can't tell the difference.

[hulk]

No, pretty sure there's a difference. A clear difference.

[elongates]

I have the people's best interests at heart. You're selfish.

[hulk]

Best interests and Hulk belong nowhere in the same sentence. Or paragraph, or-- [ disgusted sigh and headshake ]

[elongates]

Shush.

Look, obviously you're―compromised. Mentally. That's okay.

[hulk]

I've already shushed you, you can't shush me.

And-- I'm not compromised. I'm fine.

[elongates]

Bullshit.

Look at you.

[hulk]

You're full of shit. I'm fine. [ okay so that's a white lie whatever ]

[elongates]

You're not fine.

If you were fine, you wouldn't have been trying to make the child a smear on the concrete.

[hulk]

To be perfectly honest, if the other guy was really trying, he would be a smear. So.

[elongates]

The other guy.

[hulk]

... [ Hurk. ] Yes. The other guy. What.

[elongates]

That's what I'm asking.

[ what is happening ]

[hulk]

That's-- It's what I go and call... You know. Him.

[elongates]

The Hulk?

Stop trying to distinguish yourself from him.

[hulk]

He's not me.

[elongates]

He couldn't exist without you. He's you.

[ what is this

FIGHT CLUB??
HUR HUR HUR oh god kill me ]

[hulk]

[ HAHAHAHAHAH u so witty :BBB ]

No. He. Isn't.

[elongates]

Look.

You're either obtuse, in denial. Or probably both.

[hulk]

Or neither.

[ HAHAHAHAHAHA no it's totally denial. crying inside. ]