accidental video (backdated like a week!!)

[remake]

[ The video comes on with a loud crack; you've just been high-velocity butt-dialed, C&C. The whole screen is green and blurry, and hopefully none of you Cityzens have motion sickness because shortly after an undignified squeak, there's a booming roar and that's when the scrambling really begins. ]

Oh my god! Ohh my god, oh my god this was a bad idea! [ A giant green hand comes down out of the middle of nowhere, and Miles scurries away from it over one massive shoulder, and it's pretty clear by now to anyone that would recognize him that the new Spider-Man is wall-crawling uselessly all over The Hulk, trying to avoid being grabbed and Smashed. This (and more comical babbling) goes on for like two minutes before finally: ] Why do I, ah!, always do this?

And why am I talking to mysel-- urk!

[ The video abruptly stops bouncing around when Miles gets caught. Suddenly there's a giant puzzled Hulk face taking up the whole screen, sniffing a couple times and then letting out a big wuff of breath. ]

Uhhh. Hi?

[ Aand the feed cuts! Replies will ICly come in an hour or so after the events in Bruce's log here, so he has time to de-Hulk. ]

Comments

[hulk]

[ Bruce looks between them without actually moving his head from where it's flopped back on the couch (too much effort, really). ]

...Okay?

[ He knows he's missing something, probably? But. Hurk. Tired. ]

But. Seriously. Go. Eat. ...Or at least throw your wet clothes in the dryer.

[hexappeal]

[Honestly? Zee's always planning something, so she's pretty much... always suspicious, really. No different than always and it's not like the idea of moving everything in his house one inch to the left hasn't crossed her mind before. She'll just save it for another day.]

Want me to ditch? You know, secret identities and all that.

[remake]

[ Miles looks up and nods a bit guiltily. He is really, really bad at this whole Secret Identity business, okay? ]

[hexappeal]

Do I at least get a name before I go home? [Totally cool with ditchin', really! It'll be nice to take off the mask, she figures.] Because I don't think you're "Spider-Kid," right?

[remake]

[ Oh god it's so on-the-nose. ] U-um. Actually it's Spider-Man. [ crying on the inside tbh ]

[hexappeal]

Well, it's good to meet you, Spider-Man. If you ever need my help for anything -- [Like the show-off that she is, she holds a gloved hand out and upright, flipping it back and forth to show that it's empty; with a little flourish and flick of her fingers, a business card appears and floats in the air in front of her.] -- my card. Otherwise, Bruce can give you my contact info.

And you! [She turns toward Bruce and crosses the distance, sliding a hand over his head like one would do in passing to an animal.] Take care of yourself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be letting myself out. Ees ay! [And you bros can let out a sigh of relief, finally. She's gone.]

[hulk]

Thanks again, Zatanna. I mean that.

[ After she poofs out, Bruce just kind of scrubs at his face and lets his hands drop in his lap. ]

Bathroom's down the hall on your left, washer and dryer right next to it. You do what you have to do, and I'll. [ groaning ] I'll take your books and spread them out so they can dry. Okay?

[hexappeal]

[PS!! She dried them when ya'll weren't looking!! Sneaky jerk. c:]

[remake]

[ Miles nods again, a bit shakily, kinda eyeing Bruce, not entirely sure if he's gonna make it. He totally looks like he might pass out. ]

O-okay.

[ He starts fishing through his backpack to pull out the things that would need to go in the machines, only to find the contents already dry. He blinks, before dumping them all over the coffee table; a few books, a hoodie and a t-shirt and jeans, pencils and erasers and a cellphone and a fistful of dollars, just to make sure he's not actually going crazy.

But the only thing that's still soaking is him. ]

--Oh. Wow. Cool. [ a beat ] Was that your girlfriend...? [ THINGS YOU WOULDN'T ASK IF YOU HAD MORE TACT THAN A 13YO ]

[hulk]

[ HE'S CLOSE TO PASSING OUT but. This is not the worst he's been after a Hulk episode, and this time was especially short and not traumatic so. He can stay up a little while longer.

There's an eyebrow as Miles just dumps everything everywhere and the pugs jump to start snuffling at it all because HOLY CRAP, NEW SMELLS. Then he realizes and shakes his head with a small smile. ]

Yeah, she's pretty-- Something. All right.

[ Sometimes magic is handy and he will figure it out someda-

Wait. Miles. What. ]

W- No, she's. No. Definitely no, we're just. She's a friend. That's all. [ beat ] She's going around with James Bond anyway. So. No. ...Again.

[remake]

[ Miles perks up at that. Which is probably the wrong reaction. ] No way, James Bond? Now you're messing with me.

[ He likes dumb action movies, okay?! (But Martial Arts ones are way better.

(Also he is sorta dripping all over your carpet rn.) ]

[hulk]

I've met him. So no.

[ dot dot dot

eyebrow ]

...Kid. Go get changed. You're soaked, and. You know. Carpet.

[remake]

[ Lmfao glancing down guiltily!!! ] I- I uh. But.

[ BRUCE HIS SUPER SECRET IDENTITY ]

[hulk]

[ HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE, MILES. HE REALLY DOESN'T. ]

Bathroom's down the hall.

[ he'll just. lay here. ]

[remake]

[ Miles hesitates for a long moment!! And then gently... picks up his bag out of the pug pile and skirts towards the hall.

He will just wait till Bruce passes out and then try to find his dryer. The air conditioning is making him cold in the wet suit, and he does feel kinda bad about the carpet. So. Yes. A good plan, clearly. ]

[hulk]

...Are you okay, kid?

[remake]

Yeah, I just- I can't- I mean.

[ Lmfao he found the bathroom. And is totally talking through the door rn. ]

I'm supposed to have a secret identity, and everything.

[hulk]

[ dot

dot

dot ]

You realize I really don't care about that, right? I mean. No offense, but. I don't.

[remake]

[ Miles just stands there, hesitating, clutching his backpack for half a minute before deciding that it's not the same as at home. He doesn't have a family here that this can get back to. It's not going to get on the news and he's not going to get kicked out of school.

It would feel liberating, if he didn't miss his mom so much.

Before he can get all maudlin, he shucks his Spider-Man costume and tugs on his jeans and t-shirt and sleeveless hooded vest, eventually coming back out with his whole suit balled up in his fists where he nervously wrings it. His eyes don't leave the floor when he shuffles back down the hall. ] Do you, uh, do you have a dryer?

[hulk]

[ Jesus, he looks even younger than Bruce thought he was and his stomach lurches in guilt because of what could have happened to him--

But it didn't. (it could have) Shut up, please.

Dragging himself off the couch with a groan, holding out a hand for the spidey-suit. Because wringing it out just means more water on the floor. ]

Yeah, I'll. I can get that for you. [ beat ] ...Uh. Do you have a name to go with the face, or. I don't know, calling you Spider-whatever still seems... Well. Weird.

[remake]

[ Miles blinks at the hand, then down at his suit... then down at the new puddle on the floor. Oops. ]

--Oh. Um. [ He sheepishly hands it over. Still fidgeting when his fingers are empty. ] It's-- it's Miles.

[hulk]

[ Whatever, the pugs are rolling around in the puddles. They're absorbent. It'll work. ]

Nice to meet you, Miles. [ And shuffling on out to the hallway to put this in the dryer. ...Delicate cycle. ] J- Relax, okay. Sit down. Seriously, eat something, there's a fridge full of food and I'm not going to be able to deal with it all myself.

[remake]

[ They are living shamwows. I believe it. ]

Sorry about. Uh. Trying to punch y-- h-him? It? [ He doesn't get you and the Hulk, Bruce. He does sort-of shuffle towards the kitchen, though. ] Why do you have so many pugs?

[hulk]

Him. It. Whatever.

[ sighing as he debates following miles to the kitchen versus hitting the couch. on one hand, COUCH with all the comfiness his aching self wants right now. on the other hand, he knows he has to eat because hulking out burns a whole hell of a lot of calories.

...he hates being responsible.

he'll drown his woes in orange juice. ]

So don't apologize, i- That's not me, so. Aside from you possibly getting yourself killed, no foul.

[ beat ]

They're my cousin's. Or... Three of them were. Are. [ sad and lonely fais ] She got ported out recently, so. Taking care of them until she hopefully gets back. But there's... Uh. [ gently leaning against the counter ] Melvin, Sparflax, and. [ inhaling ] Lieutenant Applebottom Jeans and the Boots with the Fur. [ the look on his face just says 'don't ask' ] Then couple days ago, another one showed up... Uh. [ squinting at the pug army that's followed them in here because kitchen equals food we want in on that shit ] That one. And his collar says Tony Stark, Jr. Which... I don't even know.

[remake]

[ NOPE YOU'RE NOT ESCAPING THAT NAME WITH YOUR DIGNITY INTACT BRUCE SORRY. One eyebrow inches upwards as he tries to figure out which is which (whatever don't hate on Iron Man!!) ] Uh huh. Are you a big Flo Rida fan?