video;

[amoray]

[the feed is underwater, and not immediately focused on eridan (though his cape does drift slightly into view here and there). few, if any, will recognize the atlantean palace or its throne room, but the architecture and the being underwater thing might tip them off.]

Considerin' it's been about a week or so now, and I hawen't seen skin nor scale a her, it's pretty safe to say that Namora a Atlantis ain't roamin' these waters no more.

[a pause.]

That bein' said, as the last sea dweller and the only indiwidual who ain't got garbage slippin' through their weins around here, it's only natural that I take ower their palace and assorted territories in their absence. Maintain 'em and such.

Aforementioned territories bein' all sewen seas and ewerythin' in between, for the record.

[he flips the camera away from a meandering lionfish (his name is xerxes the sewenth) and to himself, comfortably sprawled in namor's throne. and being smug as a motherfucker. like literally, he's been super smug about shit before but at the moment his smugness may be mutating surrounding sealife just by how goddamn potent it is.

the lay of his cape obscures the slight bulges under his clothing at his shoulder and leg, for the most part, but his left fin is visibly torn, and still an angry purple.]

As fair and generous warnin', I'm allowin' the humans continued usage a my oceans not outta goodwill, but outta necessity. Mostly since you lungbreathers would probably start whinin' your tailfins off about widespread starwation or some shit if I didn't. But if I start seein' anythin' I don't necessarily like happenin' in my waters, I won't hesitate to fuck some a your laughable tin can ships all manner a up 'til the message starts comin' through clearer-like.

I ain't currently acceptin' wirgin sacrifices or tributes a precious metals and stones, but be watchin' for that in the future.

[he gives a little wave of his ringed fingers at the comm.]

Ewenin', dirtscrapers. And long liwe the Prince.

[end feed.]

Comments

[enigmaestro]

You do tend to enrage the masses, yes. No doubt. But if we're talking high quality kismesis material, well, people tend to blossom post-pubescence. Hence my concern to the obvious limitation of fifteen or younger.

Essentially, until you're sixteen? No Batman. [DON'T THINK HE'S FORGOTTEN THAT, ERIDAN] Hell, even when you're thirty. No Batman.

-- At the same time, you have to cut your bickering at me back, when you come of age.

[amoray]

Are you fuckin' serious? You humans are slackin' to shit when it comes to romance, ain't you?

[UGH. that is literally the noise he makes, ugh!!]

And, your tryin' to ward me away from your ex-blackcrush aside, you're always gonna kinda piss me off. Can't much help it when you like bein' so god damn irritatin'.

[enigmaestro]

Ex. Black. Crush.

[NARROWS EYES.]

I. Am about to be unbearably magnanimous. And let that slide.

[NO BATMAN.]

But seriously, Eridan, in our society we have expectations associated with psychological growth. It's one thing to snarl and pout and throw descriptions like caliginous around when you're an adorable fourteen year old.

It's another when you've reached that documented age of arbitrary maturity. Someone might take you seriously in context with me.

[amoray]

I'm not adorable.

[he is totally adorable.]

And nobody's goin' to fuckin' bother. Ewerybody knows you're shacked up in spades with Norm, Ed.

[DRAMATIC BEAT.]

Ewerybody.

[enigmaestro]

[Precious blooblooface.]

You definitely rang false for something. Hint: it was the one that will enrage you the most.

[He's kind of enjoying the fact.]

[amoray]

I am a fuckin' monstrous goddamn killer without a fuckin' speck a regard for the liwes a you worthless candyblooded shits.

[FUMING.]

That ain't adorable.

[enigmaestro]

Had I any immediate proximity to you and a suitable camera, I would document this moment for posterity.

Because it's too adorable.

[amoray]

Batman won't think it's adorable when I'm killin' swathes a innocent ciwilians just to get him to show up for our dates.

[SAYING THE MOST HIDEOUS SHIT HE CAN THINK OF NOW THANKS]

[enigmaestro]

No, but he may think it's familiar. Since that's always been Joker's calling card.

And sometimes Ivy's.

For the record, involving too many hostages reduces the level of intimacy. A few should suffice, quality over quantity.

[amoray]

Right, 'cos I'm sure you always wanted all a your willainous smarm nice and intimate when he came around.

And for the record, I'd just use a bunch a human wigglers. Maybe cull some to show I'm serious.

[enigmaestro]

Ugh.

But babies are a fine manipulative tool, yes. That one always seems to work with him. A good scheme! It's almost a pity, really, that he'd simply demolish you.

[amoray]

Please. I could kill him easy.

But I wouldn't, 'cos that ain't conductiwe to spades.

[enigmaestro]

He isn't going to want to be your kismesis. He doesn't appear to have much of a sexual libido at all.

[amoray]

Leather batsuit.

[a smug beat.]

In any sorta case, that means I'll just hawe to default to Midnighter's spawn then, huh?

[enigmaestro]

Oh, great idea. Yes, why don't you test Quentin's loyalty to you, moving against the individual who's practically his girlfriend? There's no way this won't backfire terribly or anything, right?

[amoray]

He'll be fine.

[BEST FRIEND TO HAVE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE]

[enigmaestro]

It's sweet that you think so.

[amoray]

Come on, they ain't ewen datin'. Cut me some fuckin' slack here.

[enigmaestro]

Come now, Eridan, it's not like you always estimate your companions' opinions well.

[amoray]

Quen ain't fussy and owercomplicated like some company I keep.

[enigmaestro]

That's very nearly flattery, Eridan. Behave yourself now.

[amoray]

My bad. Wouldn't want to go makin' you blush or anythin'.

[enigmaestro]

This is why your peers think you hit on me.

This is why.

[amoray]

They -

[SPLUTTERING.]

They fuckin' do not!

[enigmaestro]

Well. They do.









So there.