[text]

[onmyneck]

Sometimes, I feel as if I am in one long infomercial. I'm sure you've seen those awkward middle aged people fail to complete basic tasks in their daily life. In fact, at times I denied the idea that any person could be uncoordinated enough to cut their finger while chopping a large tomato in half. How wrong I was.

Unfortunately, I feel like I am that stage of my life right now. Everything is still undersaturated, and I've managed to cut off three fingers when preparing soup. Of course, I can't cook anything that doesn't involve a microwave, but let's leave that alone for the sake of my overextended simile.

Someday, I hope I will reach the point that the saturation will brighten and I'll be able to buy a handy new product for $99.99 plus shipping and handling. Maybe it'll chop up my onions quickly, or be able to send me back to my actual universe where it at least makes some vague sense. Until then, I suppose I have to cut my fingers a few more times.

In summation, I hope someone will hire me to act in an infomercial.

Comments

[glowsferatu]

Then Lets Instead Shift It To Discuss Something That Isnt Stupid
Like The Offer Of Employment I Made Earlier
You Seem To Have Some Degree Of Wit
Why Not Direct That To A Form Of Publication

[onmyneck]

Would I be paid?

[glowsferatu]

Probably
I Dont See Why You Wouldnt Be

[onmyneck]

That's a good first step. What am I supposed to be writing about?

[glowsferatu]

Well The Major Topics We Touch Upon Are Fashion Current Events And The Varied Facets Of An Import Lifestyle
So Really Anything That Touches Upon One Or More Of Those
Perhaps Something Beyond That If Appropriate I Dont Know Im Not The Editor

[onmyneck]

If you're not the editor, are you really allowed to hire me?

[glowsferatu]

Ive Done It Before
But I Suppose Its More Of An Invitation Than An Actual Offer
But I Can At Least Put In A Good Word
We Work More As A Collective Now That Donnas Gone

[onmyneck]

It doesn't sound terrible.

[glowsferatu]

Well Of Course It Doesnt
Its A Spectacular Place To Be Employed Still

[onmyneck]

I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try it out, particularly if I would get paid.

[glowsferatu]

Yeah Theres Not Really Anything To Lose

[onmyneck]

Apart from time and energy, but I waste those anyway.

[glowsferatu]

Well What Other Purchases Would You Be Spending Those On Otherwise

[onmyneck]

There's TV shows that desperately need an audience.

[glowsferatu]

Oh Theyll Keep
You Can Record Them For Later Viewing

[onmyneck]

Sacrilege.

[glowsferatu]

What You See As Sacrilege I Consider Effective Time-Management

[onmyneck]

Time-management doesn't let you watch Ghost Hunters.

[glowsferatu]

Then It Probably Isnt As Important As Youre Making It Anyway
You Record What You Want To Watch
And If That List Must Be Trimmed To The Exclusion Of Your Ghost Hunters
Well Im Afraid Thats Simply A Trade-Off Youll Have To Live With
Or Whatever Just Sit In Front Of The Television The Rest Of Your Life
Im Sure The Lack Of Sunlight Will Do Marvels For Your Skin

[onmyneck]

Yes. I wouldn't want to look like a vampire.

[glowsferatu]

Try Again Darling
Im A Day-Walker

[onmyneck]

Do you sparkle?

[glowsferatu]

GA: Well I Release The Solar Radiation I Absorb For Sustenance Throughout The Day As A Bio-Luminescent Emission
GA: So Its Really More Of A Glow Than A Sparkle

[onmyneck]

I think I'm beginning to learn not to question troll physiology.

[glowsferatu]

Mine Doesnt Come Exactly Standard Anyway
So Theres A Great Deal To Learn That Simply Would Not Apply In This Case