[video]

[zazz]

[He's been in the City a few days, and he still appears to be wearing the expensive suit he showed up in, though now it's all wrinkled and stained from days and nights of wearing it without wash. But for most people this is the first time seeing Pickles, and he seems to be standing in a lamp store, and he looks majorly peeved about something. Something imperative.]

Seriously?? Have none of yew fuckin' mouthbreathers even heard of Dethklahk??!

Comments

Video

[foreshadower]

No, but please, do elaborate.

[zazz]

[He sighs and smashes a lamp on the floor in frustration. He's been doing this for a few minutes now, and sometimes glimpses of scared workers can be seen in the background.]

It's a band, we're a band. The best motherfuckin' band in the worrrrld, everyone knows Dethklahk. At least, everyone SHOULD.

[foreshadower]

Now, now, what did the lamps do to you? Just because they also haven't heard of "Deth-clack" doesn't mean they deserve your ire.

[zazz]

Okee, seriously, did I get sent ta some bizarro world of lamp lovin' hippies? They're jest lamps! Naht like they're alive!

[And he double fists a couple of lamps, holding them over his head and says in a silly small voice:] Oh noooo, Pickles, pleeeeze dun kill us we'll give yew our money and daughters oh nooooooo ahhhhugh! [And then he smashes them in unison.] Ahhhh, my poor fuckin' internal lamp organs all over de floor oh ooohh blood and snot all over heh.

[foreshadower]

Temper, temper. [ He tuts softly. ]

I would say the owner of the store is the one who would be suffering.

[zazz]

Ah, sahrry . . . Low blood sugar, yanno how it is.

Yeh, I see him over there yellin' at me and the police over the phone. [He doesn't seem bothered.] Someone'll take care of it. [He idly tosses another lamp on the floor.]

[foreshadower]

Someone meaning the police, I'm sure. Shall you attack them with lamps as well?

[zazz]

I'll prahbly be out before they show up, but if I'm naht, then yeh. M'naht worried, though, someone'll bail me out.

[foreshadower]

[ He just laughs. ]

Oh? Such as?

[zazz]

Ahfdensen always bails . . .

me . . .


out.

Oh.

[he stops in mid lamp throw as he realises...]

[foreshadower]

Ah yes, the startling realization, it begins to dawn.

[zazz]

Yeh. Now I'm depressed again. Thanks a laht.

I guess...I better cheese it, then...

[foreshadower]

Oh, you're quite welcome. [ A beat, he lights his pipe on screen. ]

I would recommend running for it. The getaway can be the most important part of committing a crime, after all.

[zazz]

Heh, it'll be like I'm a kid again.

[He gives an awkward friendly wave to the horrified employees, gently puts down the last intact lamp, and then takes off. The comm picture is a wobbly blur as he runs with it on.]

[foreshadower]

Running from the police as a child? Such a delinquent.

Are they still following?

[zazz]

[The camera is uncomfily close to his face as he squats behind trash in an alley.]

. . . I dun think there were even police chasin' me, so I dunno why I'm hidin', heh. Habit, I guess. Like ridin' a bike, yew never forget.

[foreshadower]

Oh indeed. Once you have one high-adrenaline chase, you never forget. I do hope there will be little trouble for you. A warrant always makes things difficult later.

[zazz]

Oh, reet, those things. I forgot aboot those things. [SIGHS, life is so hard.] Being a regular dildo again is really hard. I dunno how anyone does it.

[foreshadower]

Oh, us regular dildos make do somehow. Perhaps you'll just have to unlock the secret through experience.

[zazz]

But I dun WANT tooooo. [Whiiiiiine.]

[foreshadower]

Well then, I suppose you could spend time in prison when they find you.

[zazz]

Ugh. . . .

. . . Well, I guess they do give yew free cable and food. Dat's pretty good. Get some toilet booze from inmates.

[foreshadower]

Oh, how delightful. I'm sure that toilet drink would be quite pleasant. [ Look at his face. His face says: no, no it wouldn't, and that's fucking disgusting. ]

[zazz]

Hey, dun knahk it. Some doods can make some really impressive moonshine in the slammer. Does the job, at least.

[foreshadower]

It sounds atrocious. Then again, I never had to suffer slumming it like that.