voice;

[amoray]

So.

Any a you ewer had a nemesis before? Like fated fuckin' contentiousness, always gettin' up each others' gills doin' shit just to irritate 'em, duelin' to practically the death, maybe makin' out a little, that kinda thing.

See, I'm in the market for just that particular arrangement, and while I'm personally a master of the bellicose arts and don't need any adwice or nothin', I obwiously got a wested interest in how humans go about poorly imitatin' the quadrant. What with my bein' the main troll-human confidante in these parts and such.

[he pronounces it "con-fee-dawn-tay". also he means intermediary.]

Despite most of you bein' from a society bearin' a sewerely inferior romance system and therefore gettin' your emotions all scrambled up wrong from the get-go 'cos of it, I'd appreciate hearin' some personal tales.

Comments

VOICE; He's probably looking for Karkat in the house

[caprihorn]

[Gamzee doesn't stare at this, doesn't even slightly pause, instead almost the second this is over he immediately says:]

_Bro, why haven't you been rapping like this with myself? _{This is some wicked shit.}

But, you all ought get to saving special insults like this for some motherfucker you actually got black feelings for. _{Just going to to keep giving Eridan the wrong impression if you keep at this shit.}

voice;

[crab]

Oh my god, this was not an invitation for every obnoxious shitwheel piece of idiot rubble to come leaping forward with their two boondollars! I was not rapping, I will never rap, rapping is not a thing that just occurred here! And I'm not flirting with him either for that matter!

[caprihorn]

Karkat, I know raps. _{You all fuckin' up and made some wicked rhymes} and kicked some wicked noise there. _{That's a rap, bro.}

And didn't say you were flirting just know how he's gonna all take shit is all.

[crab]

I wasn't rapping, I was waxing poetic, which if you'd paid attention to the rest of that exchange you would know already! If I so much as farted vaguely in his direction he would wonder if I was trying to make some kind of subtle caliginous overture towards him, fuck.

[caprihorn]

_{It can be poetic and still making wicked rhymes, moirail of mine.} And ahaha you may all be right there.

[crab]

I don't care if it can, it wasn't. End of story!

[caprihorn]

_{Aw, bro don't deny what you up and did.} It was good shit anyway. _{Ain't nothing to be ashamed about, not like it was an actual come on at Eridan.}

And you should still all do it with myself sometime.

[crab]

Gamzee, allow me to make this perfectly clear to you, since for some reason you appear to have difficulty comprehending it without me spelling it out. Rapping is for assholes and cocoon wetting losers. Now because I am a patient and magnanimous soul, I love you even though you are operating under the delusion that it isn't fucking retarded, but we are not rapping together! That is where I draw the line.

[caprihorn]

[YOU CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR GAMZEE'S FROWN ON THE OTHER SIDE. He has also stopped wandering around the house looking for Karkat.]

_{Just saying that because you got nasty heretical views up in your pan.} Rapping's only for good motherfuckers for a reason.

[It is a good thing that this is his moirail he's talking to and not someone else.]

[crab]

Oh my god, are we going to start with the clown religion bullshit again? Does everything have to relate back to that? God damn it, Gamzee, I said no. That's that. Now stop sulking. Don't make me come over there. [ HE WILL PAP YOU SO HARD, GAMZEE, HE IS A WILD AND CRAZY GUY. ]

[caprihorn]

[TOO MANY THINGS IMPORTANT TO HIM INSULTED AT ONCE.]

_{I put up with your mother fuckin' interest in romcoms, bro.}

[Gamzee just makes a growling sound before hanging up on Karkat. He's still wandering around the house, but he is definitely sulking around.]

offline.

[crab]

[ WELL BLUH BLUH TO YOU TOO GAMZEE oh no public lovers tiff.

karkat looks up from his communicator and shouts to the house at large: ]

My romcoms are fantastic, you tasteless piece of refuse!

[caprihorn]

[This would be a pillow being immediately thrown at Karkat's face and it probably still hurts a bit despite being a pillow.]

They're all mother fuckin' nonsense noise that ain't go no showing of how shit actually works. _{They're like traps in them cartoons they set up for carrot munchers} don't work in real life.

_{And if I find} any _single one _{of them motherfuckin' things up in here} I'm all going to get to burning it.

[crab]

[ ow, gamzee sure knows how to throw. karkat is one hundred percent aware that he should probably be handling the situation with shoosh paps, but for now he feels petulant, childish and argumentative.

he picks up the pillow and throws it back in the direction it came from. ]

Fuck you. As you even know what you're talking about. You wouldn't understand the sociological nuances and merits of them with regard to romantic theory if they walked up and punched you in the snout. I'm going to pour every bottle of Faygo I find down the gutter. It can go back where it came from! And I'm going to burn all your stupid horrible horns. We'll have a horn barbecue!

[caprihorn]

[There's just a hiss from that direction.]

_{Understand them better than you of them fuckin' things do} been in more relationships. _{Doing shit like you got going on in them things makes shit worse up in a quadrant,} not all better.

_{Maybe if you didn't listen at that noise} you'd be doing a better job at being a moirail.

_{Can't even get your care on about shit important to myself.}

[crab]

Yeah? And how many of those relationships ever worked out? Or even got to the point of being mutual? [ oh no this is getting nasty. ] You're not exactly the patron saint of a stable moirallegiance either. You spend more time pissing me off than you do calming me down! So there.

[caprihorn]

Had Eridan in kismesis, _{had him as a matesprit} and it was going on for a real long fucking while. _{Had Terezi and Tavros in my clubs.}

And all that shit? <sub>Only failed because I left Eridan and because Tavros wasn't no good at being in clubs.

Only person it's ever got to working with was you</sub> and now you don't even give a mother fuck. _{Don't care that I try and bring you food} don't care that I try keeping yourself calm _{don't care about me trying to watch your shit like romcoms} don't care about mother fucking nothing.

_{And you don't want to listen to myself when I try to tell you shit or make you happy.}

Could walk up into a trap right now and that'd be the only thing to make yourself happy.

[He just sounds more hurt than angry toward the end.]

[crab]

You think I don't give a motherfuck? That's seriously the what you're trying to pull on me right now? I don't care?

[ karkat's voice on the other hand is trembling with barely suppressed rage. karkat himself is trembling with it. ]

I don't care, he says. Oh, no, absolutely not. I don't give a single shitsquiddling fuck! The lack of fucks I give are akin to a black hole of uncaring sorrow, and we've both passed over the event horizon together. I live in a house full of corpses for you. I nearly had to give up my best friend for you. I have stood up for you over and over and over again even when you did not fucking deserve it. Maybe especially when you didn't deserve it! I would throw myself in front of Kanaya's chainsaw before it ever even touched your worthless hide, that's how much I don't care! I'm risking my life working with Edward Nygma and Eridan Ampora just to keep you safe. No. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. What a thought, caring about Gamzee Makara! Who would ever do that?

You piece of shit.

If you walked into a trap we'd be over, Gamzee. Because you'd have to kill me to get to it.

[caprihorn]

[And this is where Gamzee just appears right in front of Karkat. He looks furious but he doesn't look like he's going to kill Karkat.

In one quick movement it looks like he might be about to do something violent but he's really just moving to grab ahold of Karkat as fast and as tightly as possible into something like a hug.]

_{Just easy to all think that when you're insulting shit important to myself} and you don't listen when I don't want you all to be protecting me from Ed and Eridan. _{And my honking at you don't seem to make you happy.}

[crab]

[ and karkat jumps, and starts to say warningly, with more than a hint of apprehension: ]

Gamzee-- [ and for the first time in a long time karkat feels a flash of fear of his moirail, an echo of the terror he felt when he first went crazy, and he wonders if he's gone too far. he doesn't recognize gamzee's vicegrip of a hug for what it is at first, and struggles at first, trying to get an arm free with which to try and pap his face. it's difficult. gamzee you are too goddamn strong, karkat is pretty sure his ribs are cracking and he frantically wonders if gamzee is trying to crush him to death. ] No, you shit, that was not an invitation-- oh god, oh god, shoosh, calm down.

[caprihorn]

[He doesn't completely realize how strong of a grip he's got, so Gamzee does actually squeeze him a little tighter for half a second before.

After a bit eases up though as just hearing shoosh from his moirail is an automatic calming down sound for him and it makes his muscles just relax a bit.

Not that this is so loose a grip Karkat can just walk away now.]

[crab]

[ once karkat's able to he quickly brings both hands up to cradle gamzee's face. this is probably what he should have done from the start, he thinks ruefully, gently running a thumb over his cheekbone, smearing his makeup a little. he shooshes him more, leaning in to press his forehead against his and trying not to seem like he's afraid. ]

Okay, that got kind of out of hand. I'm sorry, dude. But you're right on one count-- I don't care if you want my protection or not. It's my job to protect you.

[caprihorn]

[Gamzee leans back down into him, not caring about his makeup. He looks a little less angry now.]

_{Yeah, it all got turning into harsh noise too fast.} But you shouldn't have to protect myself from them. _{Should be protecting yourself from Eridan if anything, bro.}

[crab]

I know you don't need protection from Eridan. But we don't know what Nygma's capable of. He's -- smart, okay, never tell him I said this, but he's intelligent and calculating and I have little doubt that if he genuinely wanted to he could fuck you over six ways to hell before you even realized who was behind it. I mean, sure, you could take him in a fair fight, you could probably rip his head off his shoulders with your bare hands, but if I've learned anything about him it's that he doesn't come at you from the front. He's a conniving son of a bitch. If I work with him like I have been I can keep you safe and keep Eridan out of trouble in one fell swoop, I just have to weather his infuriating attitude.

[ he brushes some of gamzee's awful unwashed mop of hair out of his face. ]

Eridan isn't -- he's not a danger to me. Not right now. Not yet. [ he sounds surprisingly unhappy about this. ] He thinks -- he thinks we're friends. You don't need to worry about him right now. I've got the situation under control.

[caprihorn]

Brother, I all told you about Ed being a smart motherfucker first. _{Just didn't worry about himself too much since he's got a reputation to up and hold} and if he came at me I can all make motherfuckers think things about him that he can't fix easy like.

_{Ain't go the power to undo what I can to a pan.} Just worried you'll all get interweaved in his spincapturing plans.

_{Besides, wouldn't tell him shit about yourself if he up and paid in boondollars.}