capeandcowl | voice;

Entry tags:

eridan ampora | prince of hope

voice;

So.

Any a you ewer had a nemesis before? Like fated fuckin' contentiousness, always gettin' up each others' gills doin' shit just to irritate 'em, duelin' to practically the death, maybe makin' out a little, that kinda thing.

See, I'm in the market for just that particular arrangement, and while I'm personally a master of the bellicose arts and don't need any adwice or nothin', I obwiously got a wested interest in how humans go about poorly imitatin' the quadrant. What with my bein' the main troll-human confidante in these parts and such.

[he pronounces it "con-fee-dawn-tay". also he means intermediary.]

Despite most of you bein' from a society bearin' a sewerely inferior romance system and therefore gettin' your emotions all scrambled up wrong from the get-go 'cos of it, I'd appreciate hearin' some personal tales.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am legitimately going to punch you in the mouth one day.

[i'm going to say that

doesn't

ring false.]

Let's hope you're wearing gloves, then.

The fuck are you going to do, bite my hand off? I'd like to see you try with those pathetic little blunt squares you humans try to pass off as teeth.

I'm sorry, did you just say you want me to bite you? Vantas, you have yet to even buy me dinner, please.

Edited 2012-09-24 06:02 (UTC)

Can. We. Not. Please? Look, I am using manners, I am saying please, I'm asking politely -- can you not blackflirt with me? It is incredibly god damn uncomfortable, alright.

Let the record show that you phrased it in such a manner, not me. I'm not blackflirting with you, I'm the victim.

As everyone can see because you have yet to encrypt this conversation, which is hilariously parallel to the instigation of this conversation.

[ this is the sound

of wordless

frustrated

very loud

yelling.

basically the equivalent of verbal keysmashing. ]

Calm. Down.

Oh! Oh! Now you want me to calm down! Why should I calm down, Nygma, tell me, give me one good reason why I should yield to your impertinent demands?! Why should I cease losing my shit, enlighten me!

Because now I've encrypted our conversation so any emotion expressed here on out isn't for show, and you'd leave yourself open to very unflattering interpretation.

No! Fuck you, you made your cocoon and pissed in it, now dive head first into the curdled slime-ammonia cocktail and lie in it! You wanted a show? Well you've got a private goddamn viewing now, here's your VIP ticket to Go Drown In A Septic Tank, brought to you by Bullshitway! Act One is titled I Don't Give A Fuck About Your Interpretations, Unflattering or Not! Now sit down, shut your mouth and pay attention.

That was actually sort of funny.

Oh, you think that's funny? Then you're going to find it fucking hilarious when we roll into Act Two, also known as If You Don't Have Anything Meaningful To Say In The Next Ten Nanoseconds I'm Going To Direct A Laser Guided Hate Missile Directly Between Your Oculars.

Edited 2012-09-27 22:42 (UTC)

Question. Are there any dance numbers?

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Mr Nygma, should I be calling Chris Hansen? Should I be telling you to take a seat over there in a vague setting yonder?

Very funny, Ms. Lalonde. But you of all people could appreciate a little reverse psychology, I'm sure.

Absolutely. I have, on more than one occasion, tangled words with the best wordsmiths and word-spinners there are. I have taken on giants twice my size and exchanged back and forth with beings beyond normal human comprehension. And do you know what it taught me, Mr. Nygma? It taught me that bullies are a sad lot and even when the rebuttal is up to par, grown men should pick on those who are their own size.

[YOU REMIND HER OF VANILLA MILKSHAKES. ROSE HATES VANILLA MILKSHAKES.

a pause.]

Back home, I saw him hide behind large objects just to catch a glimpse of the object of his affections. Do you want to be the person he hides behind tree-trunks for, Mr. Nygma? Karkat is very impressionable, as I'm sure you know. He is also very tender, not unlike a very fuzzy and angry little marshmallow under the heel of a finely tailored Italian boot. Flirting with him will get you nothing except for a very sore head and reason for me to take a keen interest in your affairs.

[ ROSE YOU ARE EMBARRASSING HIM ]

[STOP TALKING TO EGOCENTRIC OLD MEN, SHE IS GOING TO HAVE WORDS WITH KANAYA ABOUT THIS. ]

I'm aware -- we have talked before. And while I've no doubt of your highly impressive resume relevant to your own universe, it seems a little trite to resort to definition by our pasts, don't you think?

[After all, Eddie's own past is absolutely criminal.

AND YES THE COMPARISON HAS BEEN MADE I guess the green suits don't help either...]

As for your deft use of reverse psychology in return, it's quite a lovely thing to observe in action. I mean that sincerely. But I don't suppose the fact that my interest in your incredibly flustered friend cannot possibly exist past the platonic sphere makes no difference? You'll defend his honor -- and I'm sure he is oh so grateful -- against even imaginary threats? Because your last point, well, there's little doubt that you'll find reason to inspire headaches regardless, if it so intrigues you.

[Just a bit dry. Eddie may have been a prior victim of epic shipping with a certain CEO of Oscorp. And he may be. Bitter..........]

On the contrary, I'm quite sure he is holding back the urge to either vomit with embarrassment or to "tear me a new one" for trying to mediate. He is sometimes over dramatic, but I think he is also well aware of this fact. Would I be correct to presume that this is a trait that you share with him? It is certainly a trait he shares with other less savory sorts, but they are far closer to his age range and more than likely more genuinely receptive to his frivolous obsidian advances. But back to your point - you caught me. You are already intriguing, Mr. Nygma. Your mistake was to imply that you thought I haven't been incredibly nosy and already listened in to your public conversations already, in the past.

[Lucky for Eddie, he rings as human. He has flaws. He makes mistakes.

Rose takes a quiet, deep breath. She is trying to forget about white text and bad decisions. ]

Your original point, however, is one I find moot. If my past were not riddled with mistakes then I would have no basis to better myself for the future.

[A beat. ]

Do you think reputation is important, Mr. Nygma? Do you value yours?

I would never deny my appreciation and, yes, tendency towards theatrics, you're right to include that singular parallel between Mr. Vantas and myself. Though I'll admit there is a time an place for artful indulging. The question of my savoriness suspended for the moment -- I can't help but suspect there is a much larger concern at hand. You already know my mocking engagement was merely that, and yet here we are.

[Though he does resist preening over being deemed intriguing; a man who changes his name to reference "enigma" loves that sort of talk. So deeply, in fact, that perhaps his restraint would have been tempted more if not for Rose's oncoming and highly distracting words.]

Riddled. With mistakes. [His emphasis is acidic.] What an interesting choice of words, it really begs another set of questions, and those are most certainly the sort designed to catch that larger concern, aren't they? [Spoken now between his teeth.] Reputation, I've found, can be forgiving in the right hands. And I value that.

Edited 2012-09-25 02:42 (UTC)

[There is a pen mysteriously in Rose's hand, not that Eddie can see it. She is also writing notes down. Rapid change in tone and riddles, period. There is a small pause. Rose circles them both. ]

You should be careful then, Mr. Nygma. Do you want you reputation to be that you mock teenagers by flirting with them? That is my larger concern.

[Another pause. She writes down narcissistic?]

... When I referred to other unsavory sorts, however, I was not referring to you. But you know him. He thinks he owns the ocean. He has absolutely no table manners. Very soon I suspect he will fashion himself a cape made out of gaudy satin and proclaim himself as King. Perhaps you should channel your flirtations into helping him woo Karkat correctly.

Theatrics, however -- I do like talking about theatrics. I think you and Karkat would make marvelous actors.

Your larger concern revolves around how my actions are interpreted? My, my, Ms. Lalonde, you sure know how to flatter, insinuating such an importance and what not. [The slight smirk is evident in his voice.] But I daresay the other variables within my reputable equation will have greater sway. Those seem to affect more people.

[Oh if only he knew she was taking notes :c]

Eridan is fairly notoriously all on his own, yes. I know of him, I know him. [He doesn't dwell on the point.] I'm sure he'll engage his peers in the continual manner that he's so evidently wont to do. But -- there you go again, with the flattery. Very apt flattery too: I can't say I haven't taken an interest in performance art, when I was a younger man.

You are mistaking my politeness for a person investment in your well-being, Mr. Nygma. Using your reputation as an incentive was perhaps too school-yard for a man like yourself. But I will say that once one has a reputation such as flirts with teenagers, it becomes quite astonishing which traits stick in people's mind.

[So many notes. Welcome to Rose Lalonde's therapy session, Mr. Nygma. ]

Notorious-- [TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO LAUGH] -- well, I suppose we all have our opinions. You should pursue it, I think. Acting, I mean. A natural talent shouldn't be wasted. [A short pause, and then: ] It's often a family trait. Does it run in yours?