capeandcowl | 022 ♍ video ♍ yes this is during school hours

[ the scene opens on the desk in kanaya's room, with her sitting behind it. on top of it is a book turned upside down, the cover showing a large man caressing the leg of a woman mostly out of the frame. loose ends, by c.m. guarde, and kanaya seems to be already halfway through it. next to it is a water bottle half-full of a thick, red liquid.

the curtains are drawn, and the only light in the room seems to be coming from her. she has her chin propped up in her hand, and her eyes are heavily lidded, not as made-up as usual. she hasn't left her room all day except to buy this book. ]

It's funny, isn't it. The things one will do out of a hope for love. How much one will ignore, and agonize over, and consciously blind herself to. It comes to a point where you have to wonder whether Kristof is even worth the effort, but nonetheless, Nora makes no sign of relenting. She believes because she has to, and maybe if it should end in the worst possible manner, she will find a way through it still, to remain with the one she loves.

There's something beautiful in that. Tragic, perhaps, but still meaningful. And maybe it that which keeps drawing me back to the series. If Kristof could have someone to love him so much, could there be hope for the rest of us?

[ she turns the book back over, raising an eyebrow at the text. ] But it's still only fiction. That may ultimately be an unfair expectation of the world.

[ she slides over her bottle to take a quick sip from it. ]

Is anyone else reading these?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, it isn't. You just shouldn't count on one or the other too strongly. I'm sure that book you're reading, uh... goes to show how uncertain life can be, both in good ways and bad. Fiction though it might be.

It's the uncertainty that grips Nora throughout, in fact. But that doesn't mean she doesn't dream of the future, doesn't consider the pathways that could bring her there.

Even if she doesn't arrive at that conclusion, I don't think those plans will have been a waste of her time. They seem to be one of the primary sources of motivation as she continues this investigation.

Um -- right. Exactly. You have to be prepared for anything, including things not working out the way you expect them to. [ A pause. ] For better, or worse. Anyone's situation can always change.

Though I think it's easier to prepare for worse than better. I never know how to react when such things occur.

When things work out? You just have to try and enjoy them while they last. [ Because good things are a rare and dwindling commodity, not that he will say that to a teenager. ]

Even when they may be wasted on their recipient?

[ oh, she has her suspicions about that already. ]

Uh... yes. Even then. It does no good to be too hard on yourself. Everyone deserves-- [ He struggles for the right word. ] ... something.

But is that something positive? Should it be? If one isn't hard on herself, then there won't be anyone to hold her to the necessary standard.

We can't expect it of others, not when their time here is so inherently transient. We do what we must for them, but it's impractical to expect the same in return.

I don't know.

I-I just think it's better to get something out of life than to die alone and miserable.

I'm sure there is something to be gotten. I'm just not convinced that my own happiness is likely to have anything to do with it.

You never know.

It's easier without. One less thing to be worried about, after all.

What's the alternative, then?

Well, if it isn't about my own happiness, obviously I should be working to guarantee the happiness of others.

[ A pause. He can relate to that... ]

Well, that can be enough. Doesn't that make you happy, even somewhat?

It makes me useful. That's close enough to the same thing.

There are lots of ways to be useful. You may as well pick one that you enjoy doing.

Enjoyment only matters when you have the luxury of choosing. More often you'll be doing as you must, not as you like.

You underestimate how much power you have. No one can change the world completely, but you... can choose what in your life is worth fighting for.

I already know what's worth fighting for. I'm not afraid to fight when I must.

Good. It's when there isn't anything that you might start to worry.

I know that already. It isn't a mistake I intend to make again.

Fine. Apply it to your perspective then, because feeling sorry for yourself will hamper your goals more than anything else.

As I'm sure you also already know. Forgive my redundancy.

I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself. [ liar. ] I'm just maintaining an awareness of what is necessary to keep this going.

I was young once too, you know. What you're doing is maintaining avoidance. Stubborn martyrdom helps less people than you think, young lady.

But I've said what I can. Enjoy your book.

voice

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